malaysian students mentality

we've been growing up with this mentality since as long as i can remember. it's not like the government didn't try to incorporate co-curricular activities into the education system, just that it wasn't really successful. you know how we were 'forced' to join like at least three clubs or something during high school, we would try to choose clubs that are not so active so that we don't have to get too involved or some would choose clubs that no one joins so that they can hold a position in the club and gain more credits. one club which was totally manipulated by those 'genius' is the bomba club! i remembered that so many of my classmates and friends joined that club and basically 'sapu' all the positions available. not only did they not have meetings but they earn all those additional points. unlike me, i was so-called editor for the interact club and i enjoyed fulfilling my responsibilities but because there's no such position in the outline, i only gained the same amount of points as any other ordinary member. besides that, in form 3, a number of us joined the chess club just to gain attendance mark. we would go there and instead of playing chess, played dam for less than half an hour and tell the teacher in charge that we had to open the 'koperasi' and she would sign our cards to show that we were present even for a while. in the matter of academic, the teachers always tell us that we would not be successful, get the job we want if we don't do well in high school. if you don't do well in high school then you won't be able to get into tertiary institutions. we've been drilled to score well since we were young, so if they suddenly tell us that we need to be active in other activities and good results just isn't enough, what they expect us to do? rewind time and go back to school and try to be more active in sports? actually, being active in co-curricular activities in school is just the beginning. even in uni, there's still a lot of chance to improve upon your leadership, communication skills etc. unfortunately, many people join clubs in uni because of the discounts they offer by just becoming a member. sometimes they even have to drag strangers to go to their meeting because it is the requirement to have at least 50 people in a club meeting. even now, i still think that it is important to get good results, you don't see someone who doesn't have excellent scores but active getting into the deans list, do you? also, when you go for a job interview, you would first be considered for the job based on your academic performance. then the added advantage that put you above other applicants would be that you have exceptionally impressive people and communication skills. however, as for me, no matter what i do, i'll still be working for JPA with the same pathetic low pay no matter i have good results or good social skills. that is unless they ran out of job and i have to look for my own job then i'm dead! there's not much potential for biotechnology in Malaysia, well at least that's how it looks like for now. it's not like the biotechnology sector will boom overnight right? study hard or play hard? ~ponderz

eww...gross!

what kind of time is this in melbourne? there so many insects everywhere!! where did they come from? my goodness, i'm surprised at how many there is in my room!! just shoo-ed a moth out of my room. hmm...i wonder, what are those insects attracted too? could it be they are attracted to light, like the ones back home? but the problem is i'm hardly in my room, what more turning on the light. ah, maybe they like dark dark place instead? whatever it is, as long as they don't poo everywhere in my room can already. ~ponderz

distractions

although so far i've been complaining that i'm too slow in my studying, thankfully it's still within the time frame that i allow myself to laze. i know it's kind of little to just do 7 lectures a day but somehow i still only managed to reach the target and not do more than that. i always find reasons for myself not to study. i know i still have quite some time left, since i have 5 days each for the last two papers. that's is also why i haven't touch those two subjects because i think 5 days is enough? i hope so, because i've been so lazy that i wouldn't be able to touch that two subjects now even if i want to. what's worst, i can't seem to remember the things that i read! the only thing i can do now is go through everything and hopefully try to recall as much as i can the day before the exams. i don't know why but i'm worried about my biotech paper. apparently, if i crap in the question, i might get penalized for that because the way the lecturer marks is upside down from other people. he sees where you've missed out or stated incorrectly and minus one mark for every mistake. you know how we're used to crapping all we want then they'll give you marks for the points you've identified correctly? well, this is like the total opposite! anyways, hopefully if i just get the borderline mark for all the questions i'll still be able to get good results? kind of eagerly waiting for the lecturer to return our assignment so that if i do well i don't have to stress so much, but if i don't then die!! haven't been going to the library the past few days, too lazy, too sleepy, not in the mood to study. even if i reach the library, i'll feel sleepy! but hanging around at home is not good either, too many distractions. i can't concentrate with my bed just beside me, my eyes feels blurry [i think my vision worsen again], tv on the whole night and snacks, i need snacks!

on another matter, while i was onlining just now, wasting time as usual, i read upon a funny news in The Star. it said that people in singapore are putting the criteria that they don't want maids with mole! isn't that bizarre! their excuse is that maids with mole have a greater tendency to do something bad to their employer i.e. kill them? what's kind of nonsense is that? so if i can't get a job when i graduate i can't be a maid either? ahaha!! i've heard many versions of people with mole has a big appetite, are talkative etc etc but nothing related to murder. i don't believe i have a greater tendency to kill as the rest of you except if you're talking about creepy flying crockroaches! ~yikez

wasting time

it's 9.14 am and i was woke up from bed because my eye is still bengkak...yes, only one side. last night it was so irritated i could barely open my eyes so i couldn't do any studying and had to lay there with my eyes close. today, it's a little bit better but still quite irritated and more bengkak then yesterday. look like as if i cried whole night but it's kind of true because each time i opened my eye it teared. now that i'm awake it stopped tearing but it's getting irritated again. what a waste of time and i thought it was just a normal irritation because sometimes when you rub your eyes too much [which i didn't] or when dust goes in, it becomes red but after a while [a night sleep is quite long actually] it gets well! but when i woke up, it was bengkak! so now have to go see doctor but the only doctor appointment available is at 3 pm. what am i suppose to do from now to then? close eyes and lay there being useless again? close also painful open also painful, how now!? what's more, i seriously think i might be getting down with a flu.

*fight those nasty germs, antibodies! and i hope you win the battle!! fight fight!

'fever' or flu?

the exam 'fever' in beginning to affect me. i don't understand why because it's not like i've been studying for several hours a day also. today my eye sight is extremely bad and my eyes feel really dry that it hurts a little. two to three days of walking under the showers and one evening of sitting in the dusty, pollen-ey wind made me a little sick. my nose feels a little stuffy at times but other times it's ok. i keep telling myself exam is a long way to go. either it's because of that that i'm studying so slow or the fact that i can't really remember what i read that is making me not motivated to study so fast. anyways, i just hope this early reading-through-all-the-lectures-that-i've-missed-out routine would come in handy when i actually start memorizing later. it's better to have in your head that, 'yes, i know it's in my lecture somewhere' rather than 'did we really study that?', right? i don't think i've slept so much for a very long time. the thought that i need to study makes me feel sleepy, plus blurry and itchy eyes and stuffed up nose...good symptoms to sleep more huh? but i've already slept for like 10 hours last night! study fay lin study! ~ish

good things do come my way

once in a while, good things do come my way. i was so worked up thinking of what other subjects i could enrol for next year if i didn't get into the one i initial planned. it was my mistake actually, to not look carefully at the prerequisites but i do admit it was quite confusing. in the end i had to ask the subject coordinator what it actually meant in the handbook. then i had to correspond with him through email for two days because everytime either he answers too vague or i just forgot the thing i'm suppose to attach to the email. all in all, i'm quite sure the coordinator is one fine guy. at least he replies my email fast! not like the case of my hommie, she wants to enrol in so many subjects that she doesn't have the prerequisite for but she's unlucky enough to bump into a mean coordinator. what's more that coordinator is the lecturer that many of us dislike because he is not much of a help in lab sessions. so obviously, she got turned down and she doesn't know what she wants to take now. as for me, after all the hassle, it's an approval!! the coordinator said that eventhough i didn't take a prerequisite subject, but he would be 'very happy' to enrol me in thanks to my results. proves the point that i'm not that stupid after all? yea...so now i don't need to worry i can't get into subjects that i want. but wait, now have to check if got timetable clash...darn!

are you really 'away'?

i've noticed for some time that whenever i on my msn, at least 9 out of 10 of the people who are online has the status of 'away' or 'busy'. i really think that people have really misused the status thing, especially saying that you are away but you're actually there. if you are there and you don't want people to disturb you, just be offline or something. yea, msn is not like icq where you can choose to be invisible to certain and visible to others. but the point of having msn is so that friends can keep in touch with you right? hmm...does it mean if you put your status as away, it means that friends can msg you whenever they want and you'll somehow receive it some other time of the day? or you just simply don't want people to msg you at all? mine would be the former but at least when i say i'm away, i'm not anywhere near the computer! or you could be like me, when you msg someone who is 'away' just ask if there are actually there or not!?

another excerpt from the past

everywhere i look, there are always things that reminds me of you. is it selfish of me to keep it or perhaps i should return everything to you? but a gift will always be a gift right? i should keep and cherish it right? are you doing the same, i doubt it though? but sometimes, when i look at them, it reminds me of you. is it wrong for me to think about our 'relationship'? what am i to you now, i truly wonder? do you hate me, does she hate me? what did you actually tell the rest of the world? is it really my fault that we're no longer close? but for everything to work out, it takes two. sometimes i think if i made a mistake, humans are so vulnerable and they are too quick to make a decision. at other times, i think it's for the best, for you and perhaps for me. but i am never sure, i've never been sure with any decision that i make. i may think that it's for the best but you may think otherwise. are you too good to deserve a friend like me? you were perfect, too perfect of a person that i was afraid to accept that fact, i don't deserve it, i really don't. i'm happy for you, happy that you are where you are now. i was too much of a burden, you were just too nice, to tolerate my behaviour. and no, i wasn't using you, as least i didn't intend to. i hope you didn't think that our friendship was just a way for me to get what i want, it wasn't. was it destined that our path crossed, i truly hope that's true? if that's the case then there must be a reason for things to happen the way it is. why am i so curious about what's happening in your life? do i even have the rights to know? my dearest friend...you're truly cherished.

reasons why people think i'm cute

actually, i don't think i need to list it down because there's only few obvious reasons why people think i'm cute. first it's because i'm short! how often do you hear someone refer to a tall person as cute? tall people are normally handsome or pretty, not cute. then another factor is that i have a 'big' head! ahaha!! don't you think my head is big in proportion to my body? yea, that's what eugene came up with. evil huh!? so with my 'huge' head, short body, and childish act, people think of me as a cartoon character. you know, cartoon characters are cute for the similar reason i think? maybe i'm sort of like a whale too, big head but small brain! funny trying to imagine me as a whale huh? but anyways, i'm sure some people might think that i'm ugly or simply short! but who cares, i can't grow anymore and no, i don't mix with short people so i look tall! i have too many tall friends actually! they make me look shorter! ~ciz

do i imitate?

do i imitate the way people write on their blog? do i imitate their layout because it's just too nice? yea,i admit i do tend to imitate a little, just a little. more on mimicking their layout than the way they write. i don't learn codes and i don't think i'll ever master it but at least i'm learning by trying to alter a code i obtain to my liking! yea, trial and error until finally get something right. don't have that much time to learn how to write my own code actually. then when come holidays, i don't even write entries, what more learn codes right? i'm not a good writer either, so no matter if i try to write like other bloggers, i won't be able to write something as insightful as theirs. sometimes, i even have to open office words to check if i spelt things correctly. just self-concious i guess? but at other times, i couldn't be bothered at all. ok, the birthday wish kind of thing, definitely copy from marianne one! but then how can i not let the whole world know that it's a day worth celebrating for someone special? yea, not purposely copy one ya? i wish i could write something more informative, or opinionated but i have to accept the fact that i'm not a person with big words. as we say in bm, 'bahasa yang berbunga-bunga'! i've always believe that i don't have to write with words that i don't know, as long as i write simple but understandable english, i'll be able to pass my test. yea, even if i write academic essay now, even small kids can understand!! so i conclude that i'm not as good as others in all this sort of things so there's no way i'm actually imitating them! =)

a note for someone special

to that someone special, i would like to wish you a very happy birthday and may your birthday be a memorable one. you've reach 'adulthood' like many of us but that doesn't mean you are mature at all? ahaha!! also, may your birthday be filled lots of sweet delights [cakes that are meant to be eaten not thrown on your face]! hopefully by the time i come back, you'll still be 'visible' to me!! take care!

*addition* congratulations on your very happy news! what a way to start off this wonderful, glorious day!!

disappointment

as the title said, i'm a little disappointed today. there was one program that i applied to and was hoping to be selected but the news came today and said that i was not selected for this round. actually i was already thinking what i should be doing if i got selected since i've booked my plane ticket and i wouldn't be going back if i got the part. but there! dilemma solved! not in a good way though, i wonder what is it in me that they didn't find outstanding? is my results not good enough? or my essay sucked big time? even if it did, it was what i felt but apparently things didn't seem to catch their attention. my resume not impressive enough? too many candidates that are far more outstanding than me? i wish they would tell me why but obviously there's no way they are going to do that. so i guess, the only good news here is that i'll be back in Malaysia sooner than expected? yea, i'll just have to spend my time lazing around for the rest of summer like any other person instead of using it productively in helping other people in their research and gaining insightful experience for myself. now, i think i should be informing my lecturer who was so kind to be my referee, didn't want to disappoint her either, she was so positive and everything, but i guess it's my responsibility to at least inform her of the outcome. in any case, i can try again next year but i'm not going to put too high hopes in it. the only thing i can do is write a better, more impressive essay and i have the whole holidays to do that!

about BGR

is it always true that bf/gf and ex-s do not get along? is there something like a jealousy thing going on ? you know how friendster has this thing where you can see who's been looking up your profile? i was quite surprise who's been sneaking around! yea, but don't want to mention names here. sometimes when i think about it, i believe i have the answer to the question and here is my opinion. if the ex-s of your partner is your friend as well, then yes you'll still get along eventhough there may be some weird signals/feelings. but if the ex-s is that you do not know, then you'll be more curious to find out more about that person? just like you want to know how were they like as a couple or how are you like compared to the other. why are you trying to compare your life with another if things are already history? are you trying to make yourself feel better if you find out that you lead a better life than your ex? is that why you keep on asking questions about their life, every aspect of it? and why should he/she share their present life with you, a person from the past? it's not like things is the same anymore, you are not as important to he/she anymore, so why bother interfering in other people's life? the only thing you should be doing is hoping that your ex doesn't talk bad about you to his/her gf/bf or else you'll just get someone else who hates you for treating their partner like crap in the past. ah crappy!!

towards the end of semester

it is only two more weeks towards the end of semester and the exam season. so fast...time flies when you are busy catching up with life or work or anything at all. finally done with all the major assignments for this semester and time to get down to business. every sem, i complain that i do not have enough time to study, i need more time but sem after sem i seemed to do fine in the end. even so, each sem is getting harder so logically i should put in more effort in studies but i seemed to have developed a pretty bad habit. watching tv way too much for my own benefit. but hey, watching tv is like the reason for me to take time off from studying, not like i have been doing much study to begin with. even in my head now is what movie should i go watch on monday or tuesday when the movie tickets are cheap! ahaha!! also, just because i handed up my major project last friday, i have reason to laze till today! will try not to laze for so long though, time to catch up on studies...i think!?

easier to lie or tell the truth

is it fair to say that everyone fibs every once in a while, whether its a white lie or something more serious. do you think there's a necessity to tell lies? i, for one, thought that telling the truth is always the best, eventhough it may be something hurtful to the other but if one tells the truth, everything would work out better in the end rather than telling a lie because you don't one to hurt the other or jsut because you think it's better for everyone that the truth remains unheard. sometimes, i really don't know which is better. i was someone who believed in honestly all the way, but now i'm not too sure. sometimes, it really helps to tell a small lie, to avoid complications and all. my parents once told me that i should not be too honest in the way i communicate with others. they said that i would make more enemies if i were to talk about everything under the sky to anyone. but i guess here it means that i have to be more tactful when i talk to someone? i guess some things that is not important should just be left out of the conversation, things like, "yerr, how come your hair like that one?", "eww, you stink! you must have not taken your bath for days?", things like that, just a matter of expression. some people might take it hard, like as if you really mean it but i guess these kind of things doesn't hurt if not said in the first place. in a more serious note, you know how people should be honest all the way when they are in a relationship? here i mean friendship and any other sort of relationship as well. can one truly truly do that? "there's no secret between you and me" though it may work, but it would not last. even if you may be the most honest person in the world, others may still doubt your intentions. though some may think that telling a lie is easier than saying the truth but it's not always the case. although you may be lying for the benefit of others, as for me, i don't think i can completely past my own conscience and in the end i'll blabble out the truth. isn't that worst? to lie first and tell the truth later? this is how people loose trust in one another. when you think about it, if one can lie once, how can i be sure it would not happen again? that's kind of a scary thought actually. but anyhow,i guess it all depends on situation and past experience with the other, if you know that telling the truth would be devastating to the other, why not twist the fact a little, and unveal the truth bit by bit rather than just one go? if the other person is ever forgiving, then yes, it's better to tell the truth and nothing but the truth because deep inside you know that the other will forgive you no matter how bad the truth could be. but i believe no matter how forgiving the person could be, they would still hurt a lot deep down if you've done something totally unexpected although they may seem calm on the outside. such a noble being. i wish i could be like that, then i'll be able to accept the truth without feeling all down, angry, frustrated or agitated to the extend i wish i didn't know the truth. in the end, it's as hard to tell the truth as it is to tell a lie...

test or no test?

u know how we always dread about test and all, but come to think of it, sometimes it's better to have it than vice versa. it's like although u have to go through all the trouble to read all the notes that have been left untouched since the start of the sem, at least after the whole thing, u know that you are back on track. not lagging in studies and hopefully don't have to suffer as much when it comes to final knowing u've read through half of it for mid sem. as for my other subject, pharmacology, there's no test for it, so i'm kind of lagging in that subject, i hardly know what is what when i go for tutorials because i've not touch that subject since a long long time ago. now, i'm trying to keep up my studies for that subject but without test, i don't seem to be moving as fast as i could, i'm just taking my own sweet time. so i guess as for me, it's better to have test to keep me on my toes. what bout u?

is scientist not comparable to engineers?

what do you think? do you think it's really true that engineering is much harder than science? don't you think it's insulting to say that "ah, science only ma, so easy."? you know, it's not like i'm sensitive or something, but if science is so easy, then why don't you see so many people passing with excellent results? if science is so easy, why aren't there more scientists than engineers? i know science is not popular field to take, but i'm sure there's a need for scientists out there in the world. who's going to create new drugs or treatments to treat all those diseases affecting human beings all around the world? who's going to help when it comes to biosecurity, or biohazard measures? yea, no doubt, engineers are important too. i'm not denying that, but don't go and insult science right? ok, so medicine is some sort of science too, but people who take science cannot be compared to them is it? just because they learn more things doesn't mean they learn the things in as much details. scientist are the type of people who work like cows and get the least pay. so u better appreciate that and stop insulting us!

willy wonka is michael jackson?

for those who have watched charlie and the chocolate factory, did anyone mention to you that Johnny Depp is trying to potray himself as Michael Jackson? remember how he acted in Pirates and the Carribean and he was trying to potray his character as some i-forgot-his-name rock star? and more than one person had said to me that this time, JD playing the role of WIlly Wonka is trying to potray himself as Michael Jackson. noticed how he had unnecessary make up on his face that made him look very pale? MJ puts make up on his face too eventough he's already too fair to be a black. what else? the fact that WW mixes around with children is suppose to bring some resemblence too? so were they trying to tell us that MJ is not a child molestor or what so ever, he's just someone with bad childhood memories? you know how WW sort of had bad memories from the past that he grew up to be a weirdo? is that the message the director is trying to tell? cuz as i know, the part about his childhood thingy is not in the original willy wonka and the chocolate factory, i don't know about the book though. so what say you?

the mystery of the missing necklace

sounds like a catchy title huh? but this really happened to my hommie and i. here goes, once upon a time ago...well actually it happened yesterday. well, since tomorrow is a friend's birthday, we decided to go present hunting and since we decided on buying her some sort of accesory, we knew where to go. so we went walking all around the city without an exact place to look for it but after our long conquest, we decided on the exact necklace that we think would suit her well. so we went back to that shop to look for it, bought it, and went off. since we wanted to buy a matching earrings too, we decided to open the wrapped package. while walking away from the shop, across the street, i still couldn't open it so i passed it to my hommie. she managed to open the package while we were still walking then when it was fully opened, we couldn't find anything inside. we panicked, too shocked because we just walked for such a short distance, walked back and forth searching in vain with the thought that the necklace could have dropped off. it's not surprising that it would happen because it's just a piece of paper used as a wrapping. but we couldn't detect it, then we started thinking if the thing was in the wrapper in the first place. i don't know but i have a feeling it was, wouldn't it be weird if it was empty? so without any option left, we went back to the shop, wanted to ask if the person actually packed it in, it could be that she put it in the wrong pocket and it fell off before we even left the shop. then the person wasn't there but there was another kind lady. she asked us which one we bought, and she gave us a whole new one for FREE! and we thought we would have to buy another since nobody knows where the necklace went. we were so thankful, so speechless but yea, we thanked her over and over again! but she even said, if that happen again, don't come back. i guess we were lucky that the person who packed the thing wasn't there at that time because if she was, she could have said that she was sure she packed in it and that we definitely dropped it on our own. until now, we still don't know where the necklace is. think about it, if u were opening a package with a necklace in it, wouldn't u know that the necklace fell out if it did? because it's shiny, big and made of stones! there goes the story and the missing necklace that is still missing.

*as for Marianne, imagine walking from Accesorize near FCUK in Melbourne Central, across the street towards Sportgirl, then toward Max Brenner at Kikki K. then back out toward New Zealand Natural in the direction of Surf, Dive and Ski. how short of a distance is that?*

what is it about religion?

does it really matter what religion you are in? or whether you have a religion or not? as a friend said, "i believe a bit in everything". well, i sort of think myself as that way too. although my dad is supposingly a buddhist, i don't really think i can call myself a buddhist because i don't know much about the teachings nor do i go for any classes and the only thing i know is the story of how buddha came about. it's sort of the same as i know what Good Friday and Easter Sunday is about. I may not be christian but i do believe in god, the mighty one that determines our path of life and that everything happen for a reason, for better or worst. I may not be a christian but i pray, sometimes, for myself, family and friends. does it mean that the god that i believed exist, is the same god those of you believe in? to me, there's only one superior being, be it in a christian or muslim point of view. why do we have to make things so difficult? how people always say, christianity welcomes brothers and sisters regardless of their religion? how far do you think it's true? my friends went for some event carried out by one of the ocf, then the organizers were walking around asking about them about their religions and inviting them to join ocf and discover god etc. then when a friend said that she was muslim, they sort of ignored her there on. can't they just be polite eventough she has no chance to be brought into christianity? chinese people believe in hell, depending of how much sin you've done in your life, you'll end up in different levels of hell. but i believe in heaven too, i believe that if you've been good you'll end up in heaven, sounds like a nice place to be. but what is it about shows protraying things like, if you do not believe in god, or accept him in your life, then you cannot enter the gate of heaven? does it mean i have to be a christian to be accepted in heaven? does it mean i have to be a christian to have all my sins pardoned? i guess now you know why i do not want to be pressured into accepting a religion. it doesn't mean that if i do not believe in a particular religion, i'm a bad person does it? even buddhism is not really considered a religion, it's just a bunch of people who believe in the teaching of righteousness. don't condemn them just because they don't believe in god, or do they? why do i see kuan yin statues in buddhist temple? i'm thankful that i'm not easily influenced, or else i would have been converted due to peer pressure. i'm more than happy and willing to learn about god and stuff but i'm just not up to the pressure to do it by going to ocf or church. if god really wants me as his child, i'm sure he'll touch my heart and reach me one day. just the day is not today. do u still love me for who i am? well, even if u don't i love everyone of you regardless of your religion!

a bit about everything

* exactly one week ago i applied for a vacancy at freddo. for those of you in msia, it sort of our favourite gelati/ice cream shop on lygon. at first i thought i was supposed to go for an interview or something but apparently there were so many applicants and the owner just said to leave our resumes and they'll look for those who have the most suitable timing for the job. so i waited with anticipation but one week have passed and not a phone call from them. well, can't really blame them cause probably my resume had nothing that looked impressive? though she did say that we could give her a ring if we didn't hear from her but i'm too chicken to call.

* two weeks have passed since we were told about our biotech assignment that worth 5% and it's going to be due exactly one week after today. and the progress? just started finding materials this week and have been working hard to put the information in place. it's just like trying to incorporate the pieces of a puzzle. started off wanting to do something about a cow hormone called bovine somatotropin that increases the production of milk then ended up with the topic of biopolymer. it's a polymer made up of biological materials which is biodegradable. then now, going to use that information about biopolymer in the field of tissue engineering. any idea what's that about? somehow, those clever people in the biotechnology field came up with a biopolymer scaffold that can be impregnated with all sorts of molecules, enzymes, etc. to enhance the healing of a bone injury. so the purpose of using a biopolymer is so that when the body is in the process of recovery, it has a support to help and speed up the healing and the biopolymer scaffold will be degraded down by enzymes by the time the body generates new cells. tada! so what you think about that? tissue engineering versus cow's milk production?

* the weather had been very cold for the past few days but too bad it didn't snow in the city. we in melbourne complaining about the cold weather while those back in msia complaining about the haze. i guess being frozen is better than inhaling polluted air. i do hope that the haze back home disperse faster or else more people will fall sick especially those with asthma or any other types of respiratory problem. i also heard that there was hail in subang! how come it never hailed when i'm back there? was it due to the cloud seeding process? i remember how my mum or dad always uses the expression "if u actually did bla bla bla...malaysia also will snow already".

* besides, i think this cold cold weather is making me more lazy or is it just me finding reasons not to be hardworking? it's too cold to study because my hand will freeze and i can't write nor should i be able to type. and yes, my hands are also half frozen now. solution? stay in bed with notebook on lap to keep warm! *yawnz* there i go again, feeling sleepy as usual. adios!

motivation, no?

what's so special about this term? it seems like everyone insaf already. it's just the second week of the semester and there's so many people in the library. i wonder if they were doing last minute work or were they actually studying? how come everyone around me seemed to be so hardworking all of a sudden? imagine, i was in the library answering questions for my tute and the library tables were basically occupied. then i met a friend, she wanted to use a pharmacology book, which i was sure not many would borrow it because it's only a one day loan. to my surprise, i couldn't even find any of it on the shelves! another possibility could be that everyone was also doing last minute work answering the worksheet for today's tute but then again, can answer without the book also. another funny thing was that this friend of mine, she seems to be going for a lot of additional lectures for subjects that she's not enrolled in. so is she hardworking or too-free-nothing-to-do? then another friend, who's taking architecture, he was like reading materials way early of the sem, like the second day itself? well well, i've learn not to compare with people too much because there's so many people smarter than me in uni so as long as i do what i need to do to score within my standard, i'm happy. don't you know that too much competition among peers can be unhealthy? perhaps to the extend of boycotting that person because he/she claims to not study yet score well? anyways, some people are just born smarter than you so why don't you just accept the fact! and doesn't mean that if you are hardworking, you will score well either! as for my cousin, she's taking her spm this year i think, and she can study like the whole day, lock herself in the room, don't watch tv or anything but thankfully her effort is rewarded by good results. i seriously think that if she were to do badly in any of her papers, she could be mentally and physically depressed to the extent of i-do-not-dare-think-what-will-happen. conclusion? study yes, but have fun too! as for me, relax first, study or die later.

what do dreams mean?

someone once told me that when you dream of something, it means that you've been thinking about that particular thing throughout the day, perhaps something that worries you. also, i've heard that normally you only have dreams when you sleep more than the required hours of rest. but i've noticed that that's not always applicable because sometimes i dream even when i'm having a nap. i think it's better to sleep without dreaming because it seems to me that when u dream while you are resting, means that your brain is not really 'sleeping' with your body so you will wake up and still feel tired. and someone once told me that if you dream in colours, it means that you are a creative person or something? don't you all have dreams that are coloured? at least i know i do. i don't really know how to interpret dreams but it's funny how our minds incorporate many different things into one particular dream/sketch. i've always had jumbled up dreams so does it mean i'm a confused person. come to think of it, i am! my dreams are always jumping from one scene to another, from being in a 1st person view to a 3rd person view [it's as though i'm in a movie or something], from seeing X and next thing it's Y. at times, i know it's supposed to be some place but it looks nothing like the real thing. take for instance, the other day i dreamt about bringing a friend to a bookshop in aussie to look for the harry potter latest book because i told the friend it was cheap, but i know that the place was subang parade. nowhere near aussie huh? another silly thing i used to do when i was younger, to think of a person, recite the name and memory of that person for the whole day, hoping to dream of that person when i fall asleep. i tried this hoping to dream of my greatgrandma but all attempts were in vain. it was actually my grandma who told me if you think of a person so much, they will appear in your dreams. as for her, she always dream of her relatives, including my late grandpa, giving her 4D numbers! or else, what they do is to interpret the things that appeared in the dream and convert it to some particular number. have you seen such book? i have! so, when i say i dreamt of you, just accept it as "you're on my mind","i've thought about you recently", "i missed you" or something along those lines ya?

*for those of you who can't remember what you dreamt about when you wake up, try thinking about it the moment you wake up or tell someone, then you'll automatically remember the details of the dream*

1st week of the sem

at first, i thought i was the only one who's taking weird combination of subjects as i was undecided of my major. to my surprise, there's quite a number of them who are taking pathology and pharmacology too! so anyways, what can i say about the 1st week of the sem. it's the time to get everything sorted out. the sight of people rushing into the bookshops, long queues at the cashiers, packed cafeteria and worst of all, human 'jam' on the way to lectures. it takes 15 mins for me to walk from my place to most of the lecture halls for my 1st class of the day but when there's too many people around the campus, i would take longer than what i expected. i know, you might say, then why not leave earlier from home? haha...the earlier i try to leave from home, i'll end up later than ever. pack this pack that take this take that. then end up going out late again. then normally, people will start hunting down textbooks that is needed for their subjects and here i would like to give you an example of my friend. he was eager to buy a second hand book because it's slightly cheaper than those offered by others but the irony was, he mentioned that he never even use the text he bought last sem. at least my hommie and i used our texts as reference so it's not a waste of money to buy it. other than that, everything is still the same in uni, the same shops around, the same sort of events happening. found a good bargain for lunch though. kfc, wicked wings, only 1.95 dollars for 3! and it's yummy too! just that it's slightly out of the way from my lectures but heck, it's cheap!

on another note, i've realised that i can't think of much to blog about since uni started. perhaps it's because i don't put much thought in what's happening around me or think back of memories from the past or issues that i'm interested in hence the lack of interesting blog entries.

the stretch of birthdays!

it's funny how many people you know actually have birthdays that are just days apart from one another. take July for instance, 24th Mich, 25th me, 26th Yas & Jen's sis, 27th Shirley or December, 25th Santa?, 26th Marianne, 27th BA, 28th TJ. i guess it's kind of beneficial and fun to be able to celebrate it all together but too bad at this point of time, most of us would not be at the same place at the same time. probably joint celebration would only be possible when we're too old to travel and still living in Malaysia? let's recall back what happened on my birthday despite all the wonderful messages from friends. remember i said nothing happened on my birthday? it was just like every other day, but at night, i went for a dinner with Eu. you would be surprised how many people you can bump into on a monday night, what's more it was already 10 when we actually sat down to take our order. remember i was complaining that i was super hungry? yea, had to wait for Eu to finish work before we could go out for dinner. so well, after dinner, we went back home and we were just watching tv when approximately 11.59 pm on 25th July, my friends came in with a birthday cake for me! aww! and i thought i didn't have a celebration on my 21st. wonder why they waited till so late? it was because the cake was bought from Brunetti, if you ever bought cake from Brunetti, you would know that their cakes need to be defrost for at least three hours? why do they freeze the cake in the 1st place? so that they can keep it fresh for a longer time? by the way, if a mousse cake was half frozen, it taste like ice cream cake! so yea, almost everyone was there and we hanged out and catched up. it was a fine day in the end. and my room is crowded with soft toys and stuff...i have 4 stuff bear/dog/rabbit...and now i have a 'lammy' bag which Frances and Faiz bought for me..what's in the bag? it's stuffed with wool. they want me to learn how to make teddies and bunnies. but too bad i haven't learn how read knitting code, that's why i only knit scarves. so yea, probably will only take the time to learn during the summer hols.

of being 21 & 1st day at 'school'

what is the difference of being 21? what we know is that it's the 'official' age to be regarded as an adult. how would being 21 change me? i guess i'll still be the same. not like i'll be mature overnight or anything right? so anyways, i'm still me! is that a good news or bad news? of course, i would like to thank all of you that wished me since 12 am today! i'm very grateful to have so many friends still remembering my special day or is it that you saw it on friendster? but either way, thanks a bunch but too bad i could not celebrate it with you all! what did i do today?

such a 'memorable' day, my birthday marks the beginning of a new semester! well, had to wake up early today because i had my class at 8 am. it was a cold and lonely walk to uni so early in the morning. and yes, i was 10 minutes late to my first class. nothing new there, still the same old me! but finished early today so came back, eat and took a nap. then online the rest of the afternoon searching for nonsense. now, want to help me answer my future assignment question? "what is biotechnology?" haha...no worries, i'm as blur as you. and answering this would contribute to 5% of the subject assessment. then went to browse the companies listed on my subject booklet to see what kind of things australian biotechnology companies came up with. and noticed their motto was something like "...the unmet market". so it's like everyone is still digging deep for new development in various potential fields. i thought the subject was about how we apply the technologies we learn to produce better drugs or corps etc. for the future and stuff. who knows, they are actually teaching us how present our product, how to analyse the market, patenting stuff etc. well, all in all i think it would all come in handy in the future. sometimes i wonder, why am i taking science? ah yes, parents wanted me to take it because biotechnology is a new industry that is yet to expand in malaysia.

this sem seems a lil freaky to me. not only that, got pharmacology some more. just went to the 1st lecture and there the lecturer was babbling out all the names of the drugs and stuff, super blur again. tomorrow, another scary subject, pathology. what did i put myself into?

*ah, finally something productive today, going out for yummy dinner [i hope]. i'm actually super hungry now*

what's up?

just last week the Aucklanders came to visit us in Melbourne. we weren't very good tour guides. the whole idea was to bring them around and bring ourselves around because as i said before, we haven't actually explore Melbourne. first night, brought them to eat some Malaysian dinner at Chilli Padi. then the next day, since they were sick because of the changing weather, we just brought them around the city. walked for quite a distances that day itself, from walking around the city to the alleys to docklands to crown then back home by tram. the next day, we were suppose to go to the dandenongs to take a ride on the ever famous "puffing billy". it's actually a steam train that runs through the forest or probably go to some of the gardens that's popular in that area. the day started of with rain and showers but we took a train there. because we wanted to pack lunch and everyone was taking their own sweet time, by the time we reach belgrave, it was already 1 pm. know what? the last schedule for the "puffing billy" was at 12.30pm. since we were there, we wanted to know if there's anything else we could do to catch the train along its way, then the lady there told us to take a bus from across the street to go to one of train station go we can catch it back. off to the bus stop we went. and the bus was supposed to be there at 1.05pm. so not only did we miss the steam train, we missed the bus too. now, we're not only stranded under the rain in somewhere far away from the city but we didn't have any back up plans. so we discuss and stuff and someone came up with this "brilliant" plan to go the dandenong national park. so off we went to another station to go to the national park. when we reached there, we went to this information counter and the ladies were helpful enough to point out the trails that we could take. then took some brochures and stuff. there was it, the name of the places where the nice gardens were located. argh! if only i had knew earlier! it's so hard to plan things spontaneously in a secluded area like that because public transport comes every hour or so. wonder why they call us the "melbourne kids"? so instead we went mountain hiking and climbing up steps in a muddy forest. well, to me it was ok because the journey back down was fun but i don't know about the rest. then last friday, we decided to drive to great ocean road. a friend underestimated the whole journey and in the end we reach the 12 apostles slightly past sunset. so we were only able to see the shilouttes of the stones. the moon was bright though, and there were plenty of stars! anyways, can't believe it...it's already been one week since their visit. and in three more days, a new semester is going to commence. and just a few days ago i was busy researching about skiing and stuff but apparently plan failure. it's not that i plan late or anything, it's just that at this time of the month, everyone is broke. it's either their really broke or their just giving reasons because they don't want to spend that much money. but since not enough people to go with, plan postponed until further notice. this would actually be the last weekend where the price is shoulder peak and next week onwards, peak season prices apply for most of the skiing resort. then tomorrow, some of my friends are going for an OCF camp, so is my hommie. how to spend the last few days of holidays?

not suitable to work

yesterday was my first day working as a waiting staff. i started work at 5.30 pm and ended at 10.15 pm. those hours at work passed so slow but when i finally ended my shift, i was dead tired. i didn't even find out how much i was getting paid per hour. anyways, the boss said i performed ok for a first timer and i was suppose to call her today at 4 pm to ask about the next work day. but the whole last night, i couldn't sleep thinking of all the consequences of working. first thing i didn't like about the thought of working is that she said we had to work 3 to 4 shifts per week summing up to almost 20 hours. that's even more hours than my credit hours in uni which is only 17 hours. i was worried i can't handle so much commitment at work because studies is still my main priority. then i thought, what if i still had to work as much during exam periods? knowing that i'm the type of person who studies last minute, the more i wouldn't be able to shuffle between working and studying. then, another main concern was how fast i could learn and familiarize myself with working at that fast pace restaurant. i thought that place didn't have much customers but apparently i was wrong. we were basically flying here and there during the peak hours. not only do i have to be quick and efficient, there's so much to learn. it made taking order seemed easy. somehow, the drinks menu was more ambiguous than the food menu. at least i know how to abbreviate the food menu, but there's like 4 fridges with so many varieties of drinks from soft drinks to tea to wines to beers plus coffee and other additional drinks from the bar. then i was tought wear to take the ice, milk, how to stock up the fridge, where to get the desserts, how to set up table and clear table, take order, serve food, remember table arrangement, clean cutleries, clear boxes, how to pack doggy bags, how to set up certain drinks, etc. a long way more before i could familiarize myself with so much things yet i only have one week more before semester starts. so i decided to put down the idea of working after i asked the boss if i could only work 2 shifts per week. since she can't let me work for 2 shifts or less, i decided to quit and not waste her time training me up. tada! that's the story of my 1st day at work. somehow studies is so important to me that i'm not going to think about work until holidays come. i'm not good with time management anyways. what's more, i'm dead tired after work so how am i suppose to do my uni homework or even prepare for prac?

is it unfair or is it just me?

why is it so hard to find a part time job here? i don't understand why 99% of the places that i saw a vacancy for waiting staff position, they stated clearly that they required experienced waiter/waitress. so what i do is just forget about that place and try to look elsewhere. or perhaps i should have been more persistent and just ask them even if i don't have experience? then they might think that i'm dumb enough not to read the notice carefully? i really don't know. knowing that some of my friends are working and they get like 50 dollars per night just makes me feel so jealous. i wish they could just give me one day of their job so i can earn some money for myself. what else? don't you think there's some sort of discrimination going on around here? when a gal friend of mine went to ask at this place, they said that they don't need anymore staff. but when a guy friend went to ask few days after her, they ask him to leave his resume. one week later, he's hired! now, he's been working every single night since sunday because the boss thinks he brings 'ong' or luck to the restaurant. needless to say, he did have a slight advantage because he had past experience. why do they need to hire experienced staff anyways? if everywhere wants people with experience? then where the hell do beginners find job? it's like i also not asking for much, i don't mind working only one day per week to earn some extra cash! what's more, i'm willing to learn. ok, probably i'm not working hard enough in finding a job since i've only officially went to two places and turned away reading many notices that experience required. well, since i've done the visa, i should at least try a lil harder huh? but i even applied for a few jobs that was adverstised online just that no one called me back. probably will go job hunting again if i wake up early tomorrow.

what is love?

you know how everyone always ask those that are in a relationship, what do they think love is about? just the other day, i found a poem that mentioned a lot about the power of love. i'm guessing some of you might not be comfortable with that word but i assure you it's not a mushy mushy type of poem. here goes...

Love is
being happy for the other person when that person is happy
being sad for the other person when that person is sad
being together in good times
being together in bad times
Love is a source of strength

Love is
being honest with the other person at all times
telling, listening, respecting the truth
and never pretending
Love is a source of reality

Love is
an understanding so complete
that you feel as if you are a part of the other person
accepting that person just the way s/he is
and not trying to change each other to something else
Love is the source of unity

Love is
the freedom to pursue your own desires
while sharing you experiences with the other person
the growth of one individual alongside of
and together with the growth of another individual
Love is the source of success

Love is
the excitement of planning things together
the excitement of doing things together
Love is the source of the future

Love is
the fury of the storm
the calm in the rainbow
Love is the source of passion

Love is
giving and taking in a daily situation
being patient with each other's needs and demands
Love is a source of sharing

Love is
knowing that the other person will always be with you
regardless of what happens
missing the other person when s/he is away
but remaining near in heart at all times
Love is the source of security

Love is the source of life

by Susan Polis Schutz

short term memory?

i always claim that i have short term memories. of course this does not only apply to studies. now you know why i always say that i study last minute. i guess it's not because i don't want to start earlier, it's just that even if i studied it earlier, i wouldn't remember it when the time comes. other than that, i feel like nowadays i can't remember much about the past anymore. am i getting old or am i just having selective memory? just morning, i was thinking to myself, what did i do last christmas? what did i do last new year's eve? some which i remembered correctly but for the others, it was just plain *blank*. then i ask eugene to help me out and apparently i did nothing for those events that was blank in my head. so this means that it was not that i had bad memory, just that i really didn't do anything. then sometimes when i try to think hard of those sweet memories, things that were meaningful to me once upon a time ago [well, i mean it still is just that i can't remember as much anymore], they just wouldn't pop up. but thankfully, when i encounter something familiar, those memories will just be so vivid in my mind. conclusion? it's not that i've forgotten about all those things that mean something in my life, just that it's hiding somewhere at the back of my mind and it needs to be triggered back to conscious thought. i guess the worse thing of trying to recall something that has happened would be to recall it to the wrong person? for instance, say you have a partner and you were recalling something special that you two used to do, then next thing s/he said was "i didn't do that with you?" that would be funny! sometimes i think i was such an idiot, to have used all those bad things i remembered against someone who meant a lot to me. whenever we were in an argument, i would bring up those things that had gone wrong from the past, and obviously that always make things worst. i've learn not to use that stupid tactic anymore. of course eventually we made up and things were ok. but if both are persistent that what they recalled was true then that would be disastrous. perhaps i don't recall much nowadays because nothing exciting is happening in my life? i wonder...

jumbled thoughts

thankz a lot for those who were concerned over my last post but yea, it's just the times when you have nothing better to do and put the thinking cap on. at times, when i think of the past, i would just burst into tears for no apparent reason. not many agrees with me that one can cry for no reason at all, but i seriously think that is somehow true for me. probably there could be many reasons but i can't actually pinpoint down the specific cause of it. probably when i think, my thoughts are just all jumbled up. remember, i'm one confused person most of the time. i'm also very indecisive. i might be good at advising people and all but when it comes to my own problems, i normally can't find a solution for it. so when there's no clear solution to problems, one may decide to drop the issue and put it behind them, then days pass by as usual with nothing major in hand but sooner or later, the unsolved problems will arise and again cause you pain. so my advice to you is to try settling whatever problems you have at that particular instant because you can never run away from your problems. and no, i'm not in another emotional crisis but it's just what i've been through in the past. every sort of relationship does have it's ups and downs but i'm sure somehow or another, love matters more than anything else. if you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice a lot for them. i'm sure most of you in a relationship knows clearly whether you are the one who monopolize or the one who follows through. i never believed that there is such thing as an equal role played by both parties. so which one are you? whichever you are, you should not let the other run the way you go about with you life. as my mum always say, if your partner is one that wants control over the relationship to the extend that you cannot do what you want, then he/she is not worth your love. another piece of advice from my wise mum is that gals should not depend on guys, especially when it comes to financial matters because who knows what will happen? one day, you may seemed like the perfect family everyone envies and next, you may be in a typical family with all the dramas in life. till then, if the woman can't support herself, what is she going to do? stay on with the bastard that ruined the family?

*really jumbled huh? yea, i'm actually sick now. having a bad flu and my head feels heavy but going to go out for dinner because no more food at home then to cinemas to watch Batman Begins*

memories: to have or not to have?

Some people think that it's better to forget the past so that you can move forward, look ahead at what's install for you in the future. Others may think that although you may be moving on with life, you still can withhold the memories of the past, whether it be a lesson to not repeat the same mistakes or just memories of life that mould you to be who you are now. I'm more of the latter one. It's not like i'm a person who doesn't want to move on and forget about the past or anything, it's just that sometimes, when you are alone, with nothing to do, these memories from the past comes flowing back to your mind and makes you ponder back on the things done or said. I don't know why but i missed my friends, my friends back home and i just wished i could have spent more time with them when i had the chance to, when i was back in Msia. I just wanted to express that every one of you mean something in my life and i don't want to waste the chance to thank you, thank you for being a part of my life, thank you for crossing my path and i just hope that our journey together has not yet reached an end. I realised that i shouldn't be waiting at home, waiting for someone to call me out, anyone at all, hoping that they will remember to call when they are free. Probably didn't want to seem persistent so i just wait and wait and before i know it, i have to be back in Oz already. Then, when i think back, i didn't even get to meet half my friends, even my closest friends. I wished i had more chance to meet up and chat. So, next time when i'm back in Msia, i'll make sure i take the initiative to call people out, i hope.

What other memories am i talking about? Memories of everything good and bad that have happened in the past. Should we just erase the bad and keep the good? I mean if one actually did that, then how can you learn from your mistakes if you don't remember any? But keeping too much of the bad memories can also be detrimental. At times, when i think back of all the mistakes that i've done, i just don't know whether i should regret it or not. But being the ego self, i say to myself that i've never regretted anything that i've done. Whether it be true or not, even i can't tell. Once upon a time ago, i believed that love can be forever but i can no longer believe in that. So i guess that's just to name one thing bad about remembering the past? Then you start thinking back about things like, what if..., i shouldn't have...,i could have...,then something strike you back to the present and you realised the past cannot be changed so what's the point thinking about it. Sometimes i do wish i was never involve in any BGR but then again, those who didn't wish they did. It always seem that what others have is better than your own, hence the proverb "the grass is greener on the other side". It's just human nature to not be satisfied with what they have, they want more, they want things to be better than it already is. How selfish.

*It's just what i think but i'm sure it doesn't apply to all. Didn't mean to offend anyone but it's just what i'm feeling right now*

things that i do when i'm bored

Here are just a few...

*taking random pictures of things that i have in my room*

*knitting a scarf as a birthday gift for a friend in NZ*

how to waste time while others are studying?

Well, as most of u would have known, i am the first from my bunch of friends to finish my semester exam. So for the past few days i have been doing nothing much but trying to waste time and hope that the rest faster finish their paper. First day when i finished my last paper, a bunch of us went to watch Star Wars which was due like almost a month now. Yet, still got those mechanical engineering students who haven't watched it. I pity them because although they only have four subjects, in total they had to take 6 papers in the finals. What's more, they are the last to finish, this friday that is. Anyways, then was trying to waste my time watching tv but apparently there's nothing to watch on tv. I wonder why? It's like when i was busy preparing for my papers, i noticed like there's so many interesting show to watch on tv, but now that i'm free, the programmes automatically became not interesting? So then, was continuing my scarf which i had left aside for a very long time when i noticed it was ugly! So i took off almost half of it and continue from there. Talk about wasting time huh? Then at first i was thinking of knitting it for myself, but then it seemed a lil pathetic. No one to knit for and no one to knit for me that i knit for myself? Now, i decided to give it to a friend of mine for her birthday which is just one week before mine. Back in Ausmat, she was like a 'mummy' to me. Nice housemate and great friend. There! I have found a purpose to knit! Well, at least someone will appreciate it rather than me admiring my own work? As of today, i am the cook in the house. I was supposed to cook for my other friends who were quite pitiful too. Imagine, they survived on whatever they can find in the house. But then i thought, if i were to cook for them too, then i would be cooking for almost 7 people! Nah, i can't handle that much so too bad for them. They would have to just try to survive another two more days since their papers end on Wednesday. So later i have to be the cook and the delivery person, sent food to the library for the manja fellow studying there. But then i would have to miss Desperate Housewives on TV!?

apologies for being inactive

So does anyone still stop by every once in a while to see i've updated anything? Anyways, here i am with one more paper to go for my semester exam and i'm free after tomorrow! Didn't manage to update anything because was sort of tied down with last minute studying and panicking that i cannot remember anything for the exam. But anyways, so far should be ok kua. Unless there's more than 10% of people who are smarter than me la. Well, i mean that's totally possible here in uni but cross my freezing fingers and toes that i did alright. I guess i'm more worried for tomoro's paper but i'm too tired to bring myself to read through the thing again or even try to understand the processes, yet i have to remember the chemical reagent's names and what they do. You know what, my subject has a very glamour name. It's called Organic & Bio-organic Chemistry. Hmm...i think i better go nap for a while more so i can stay up at night to do some work. Shall be more active after my exams ya?

comments of the day

* Management paper definitely passable...now it's a matter of getting what grade

* FCUK sales very affordable...should i buy anything? do i need anything?

* Apprentice finals on TV...i already know Kendra won but still want to see what other people commented and what they get to do when they win

* I shall eat home tonight since i spend so much eating out for the past few days or should i say whole last week

* Tomorrow go out with Marianne before she goes back to Malaysia, hopefully

* Need to buy paper...ran out of papers printing past year exam papers and notes...some more got 'parasite' in the house

* Shall not study today as a reward for completing my first paper...but what shall i do?

* Want to eat gelati...durian gelati..when does the shop close?

* I want to drink apple mango juice but too lazy to go safeway and buy

* I'm tired...my head feels heavy

*knock knock*

Why do i care so much about what's happening is other people's life?
Lesson of the day
Take care of your own life and mind your own business.
What people do in their life is their problem, not yours.
Now, go back to your pathetic studies.

i'm tired

I'm tired of staying up late to finish as much as i can everyday for my studies. I'm tired of working in the library in late hours but obviously i think even if i didn't do much studying in a day in the library, i'm sure it would have been more than what i would normally do at home. it's not that i don't have a nice home to go back to, but i tend to find for distractions at home. in saying that, here i am doing the exact same thing that i shouldn't be doing. well, studies is going on alright for me. i'm quite sure i'll be able to cover everything but the only problem would be how much i could actually remember. i said that my brain is overload with information? not only that, it's overloaded and jumbled up, symptoms of breaking down. hopefully only after the exams. I'm tired, everyday sleeping at weird hours and i feel the impact today because i had to wake up early for a swot vac tute. well, i don't regret going but i'm just tired. i need some rest but no, i have to finish up the remainder of my CAI tute and final quiz. and here i am waiting to do it but my housemate Frances is still sleeping. and i have to wait for her to be awake only can do because i need to use her comp. my comp too high tech already, no floppy driver. probably will get some eyes shut now since i can't do anything much but wait till she gets up. so anyways, today is the beginning of another nightmare for me. commencing of series of memorizing nonsense theories to score for management. another whole bunch of data that i need to insert into my tiny little brain, poor brain. although i don't put any hope in scoring well for management, i still want to put in some effort so i don't regret in the future. yes yes, it's just an elective. argh!! *bangs head on the wall*

the urge to blog

why is it that exam is so so near but i have the urge to blog? i have so much to say but i tell myself, i should not waste my time blogging because i have much more to read. why is it that all the subjects that i'm taking requires me to read and read and read? now, at this kind of time, i wish i was a commerce student. i wish i took maths as an elective than taking stupid management that has so much to read. no, one of my friend said, i should be doing past years instead of reading back the notes, but then what's the point of doing past year papers if i don't even know the theory? why is it that everyone says i'm lucky to have finished early? but i don't feel so because i wish i had a schedule like the rest, with almost one week to study for the one paper. well, can't complain much. things are the way it is because god made it this way. be grateful and work hard. just this time, just once in a while, intense study pays off not all the time but most of the time. but my brain is a lil bit jam with information overload. why don't i have a bigger brain to store more info? why is it that i tend to have short term memory when it comes to studies? now i wish i was over with studies but learning is a part of life even after uni. then why am i asking such stupid questions to myself? i must be crazy *patient diagnosed with brain damage*

how did i turn out the way i am?

Here, I'm refering to how I've become so dependent on others in many ways, especially the part where i needed someone to be there for me emotionally and physically perhaps. Once i was a cheerful girl with nothing to care in the world. All this changed when i decided to explore this other side of the world i.e. to be in a relationship. That experiences have really mould me to the way i am in terms of this aspect. I can be independent in any way i want to, but now, i will always be dependent on others when it comes to emotions, someone to hug and to comfort me when i'm down. I've become a needy. I'm not proud of it but it can't be helped. I no longer have the confidence to stand alone. I guess that's y those who knows me, will know that my status have been "in a relationship" instead of "single" for the majority part of my life ever since that very faithful 12 Feb 99. Yet, i do not regret to have learned so much from all these but will the game of love destroy me? Guess we will never know till the day comes.

May luck still be with me

I will be having my Genetech prac test tomorrow. It's worth 10%. The procedures and calculations are simple but i hope i don't panic too much and screw up the whole thing. As to why i need all the luck i can get is that, even though i may be good with the apparatus and all, somehow during the practice run i didn't yield a very good result. I did the whole experiment twice and still got exactly the same answer. So i thought, it could have been the error of the pipette and i changed the pipettes before i left the lab. But knowing that my lab is on Wednesday and on every other days there are people using the same lab, everything might get jumbled up again and my lab partner and i might end up with that jinx pipette again. Pls pls, let me get an accurate result for my experiment and may i not be nervous tomorrow. Everything will be ok if i just takes things one step at the time. *hands, don't shake during the experiment*
Note to self:
# Check if the wave;ength on the machine is 595nm
# Check that the printer is on
# Check that the graph option was set to quadratic and the light is VIS
# Check that the spectrophotometer is set to the maximum height
# Prepare 2 reagent blank
# Make enough diluted unknown...make two sets of dilution, just in case
# Always add water before adding reagents

Wish me luck and pray for me ya? Thankz!

housewife in the making

Signs of a housewife in the making:

^ Doing groceries and marketing

^ Cooking dinner for 'family'

^ Ironing clothes

^ Folding clothes

^ Washing clothes by hand

^ Cleaning the toilet

^ Cleaning the kitchen

^ Vacuuming the floor

^ Clearing the rubbish

and more cleaning...

what joy and luck!

If everything was meant to be the way it was, i wouldn't even be here writing this. I'm just so delighted that luck was with me this time. Before i mention the good news, i would have to describe what i was supposed to go through this week. First of all, i just found out yesterday that i still had so much marketing readings to read to complete my online test which i could have access to at anytime between wednesday till friday. So obviously i couldn't do it on wednesday because not yet read finish and i had a whole full day of class and lab equating to tiredness. So then i was sleeping from like 10 pm till 2 30 am. So i thought i should try to suffer and read most of it before i head back to bed again. Then since i had to online to check a mail [i'll come to this in a minute], gatal go and browse the management website to see if got any news regarding anything at all. And guess what i found?

On-line Test - 2
Dear 325-101 Managing People and Organisations Students,
Please note the on-line test 2 is not ready. This on-line test will open on Thursday, 19 May at 8:00am. This on-line test will be open 24 hours a day until Sunday, 22 May at 5:00pm. Liza Bishop

I guess i should also make clear how much i had to read just to score well enough for my online test. At first i thought it would be easy, because they did state the two same chapters from the textbook as the one for the previous test with the addition of marketing readings. Then okay, 1st marketing lecture reading, 20 pages ; 2nd lecture and 3rd lecture, roughly the same as 1st; last lecture, two articles - one with 20 pages and the other? 40 pages!!!? WHAT? DId i say 40? Yes! Such wonder i thought, so was struggling to read as much as i can [was suppose to finish reading by Wednesday night so can do it on Thursday]. Thank god!! Thank god i received that mail!

So now i can take my own sweet time to read again. Next thing due, CAI tutes for Biochem...Friday...and not even started. Monday...due Quiz 2 for Biochem. Now, i need to learn time management. Although luck was with me, i should not slack off and leave everything to weekend! Promise!

low in cash...low in motivation

i've been low in cash for this week, somehow sort of spent more than my budget for the week during the weekend itself. Haih, how money just goes missing everytime u withdraw it. Come to think of it, i don't really have much cash to eat out or buy things that i want or saje want to buy because it's cute or nice. See, every week groceries and marketing sum up to almost 30 to 40 dollars, so if i budget only 50 dollars a week, then i only have 10 to 20 dollars remaining. Then i eat in uni for like 2 or 3 days [depending on how much money i got], at least like 12 dollars there i think. Imagine how poor i am, sometimes so sleepy and need a coffee, but not willing to spend so much, so in the end buy coffee from Donut King and get 2 free cinnamon donuts. Just enough to last me til the end of the day. Then we normally eat out on Friday, just nearby though, because so many people want to watch American Idol at 7.30pm. So sad to say, i believe that every week i spend more than what i budgeted for. Water bill haven't pay, 40 dollars, electric bill 70 dollars, phone bill [by credit so don't care]. But obviously it's all divided by two cause sharing with my housemate, Frances ma. Everytime compare bills with Eugene and Faiz somemore, their water bill 20 dollars, electric bill 50 dollars.

Potential reasons for differences in water bill:

^ Do not cook cuz they cook and eat dinner at our place

^ Therefore do not need to clean the dishes after dinner

^ Do not wash their own clothes = use washing machine for everything

^ Clean up cups laying all around the place probably twice a week [coffee cups everywhere]

^ Guys got short hair so don't need to waste water to rinse off the shampoo

p/s: Is that enough to account for the double amount in water bill?

Potential reasons for differences in electric bill:

^ Does tv not sonsume any electricity? [they have a tv and we don't but why their bill so low?]

^ Does electric piano consume electricity? [Frances plays piano everyday]

^ Does leaving the laptop and computer on consume electricity? [the gals do but the guys got no internet so don't need to use computer]

^ Does the fumehood run on electricity?

^ Water heater? Cuz we bath longer so should use up more also right?

When i say low motivation i was referring to studies. Still slacking off in studies, no motivation as usual, and always feel sleepy when it comes to studies. What's more i think i'll flung management cuz stupid tutor gave me low marks in my assignment that is worth 30%. I thought i did better than the marks she gave me. By the way, more geram that my assignment wasn't mark by my tutor. Stupid lady don't know how to read English! Keep on say my "sentence does not make sense". Stupid!! What's worst is that i put in so much effort into this assignment and this is what i deserved? Not like they said that i'm totally wrong, i guess i'm just not good enough huh!? So gave up hope on my management subject liaoz. Stupid ppl who ask me to take management! I hate management! I don't need to learn to be a manager, my dad didn't so why should i?

full...very full

Just came back from dinner and feeling very very full. Why? 1st we went to eat duck at pacific house then we went to eat gelati from freddo. It was an outing with 10 of us. Wanna know what's so funny about the outing? Well, first of all, maybe it's because there were 10 of us, more than enough to make noise at the restaurant. So we decided to order 2 WHOLE DUCK plus 4 other dishes. Then the waiter was like, "U mean two plates?" but we had to emphasize that we want the whole duck. Then, first not enough soup, then not enough rice, then the duck didn't come. So we asked then they told us that it was still roasting. So 1st came one duck, we were almost finished when we thought where's the other duck? Although honestly, i think one was just enough for me but the guys claimed that they still can eat. Then we had to asked again for the other whole duck, i think they were thinking that we might not be able to eat anymore. When the 2nd portion came, we almost couldn't eat finish cuz there's quite a lot. But because we didn't want to lose face, we "forced" ourselves to finish it. Ahh! So full, but so full already still got eat gelati worr!! Fat ar!! Durian gelati yummy!!

Hello

Hello everyone,
My name is Silly!! *waving hands* Have any idea why my owner named me Silly? Try looking at the photoz, I guess you would have figured it out. Yes, it's not my fault that i have a silly grin on my face, is it? By the way, I love shaking my head too [which makes me look even more silly aka bodoh bodoh]. Can't help it, that natural too...blame the people that manufactured me if you want to. I love my new home because i have a lot of "friends" here!! But too bad for them they are not as cute as me.