life's insane

life's insane when you're a uni student. i've always been a last-minute-person but this is by no way comparison to anything that i've done man! saturday i researched for material to write up my lab report. wasn't in the mood so i went to watch movie instead. movie was good though infernal affair was better because i rather see Andy Lau and Tony Leong than Leonardo and Matt Damon. so anyways, supposed to start writing my report after the movie and wasn't planning to sleep until i finish it. but the piggy me, haven't even finish writing intro cannot tahan already. so went to bed and woke up early the next day to continue writing. already behind time and only managed to finish writing the 1500 words report in less than a day. next, [did i mention that i was way behind time?] had to start studying for a test on Tuesday for things that i'm not even sure i understood in lectures. half semester of lectures to cover from Sunday night till Tuesday morning. it was insane but do to hard work and dedication [despite the time where i keep napping every 2 hours of studying] i managed to read through all the materials. test was today, in the afternoon and by evening we got back our essay test paper. efficient huh? wat to do, last week of sem so they wanted to give it back to us as quickly as possible as feedback. for the first time in my entire uni life, i actually got 0 for a question! siao eh! 0/6 that's a lot man. i was kinda surprise that the lecturer didn't even give me a pity mark. for trying so hard to answer a question that i wasn't even sure what they were asking. in the end, the answer was actually very simple. and we blamed it on the way he phrased the question. yeah. many other got either 0 for not trying or 1 for a right sentence. but i had to emphasize again that i got zero for writing half page of answer. =( i haven't crapped so much in a paper since management in second year man! but hey, no complain here, life's insane but what you expect from studying bioinformatics in less than a day? got another report due which i was supposed to do tonight but i'm feeling pretty drained up. wanna go sleep and prolly wake up early in the morning again. now you know why i'm online at weird hours? cya!

what is it.

is it good. or is it bad. that we think alike. that the only solution we can think of is the same. but it's not as easy as we think. if only. if only some things did not happen. if only some things happen. we're holding on. onto a broken dream. is it time to wake up to the world. to reality. maybe i just want to continue dreaming. things are always perfect in dreams. the place we meet. for those far away. in dreams.

do i think too much?

sometimes i really think i think too much. if u don't know yet, yes, i can be really complicated. in terms of what's happening in my life, in my past. it always ends up being the same thing again and again. i wonder if i could ever get over it? i hate it when i start thinking and thinking and one things lead to another, then end up, wide awake in bed. i hate that feeling. i hate being uncertain of things. i hate having doubts. if only everything is as clear as the sky! wait a minute, even the sky is not clear! i wonder, if i could get on with my life with the clouds surrounding my past. i truly wonder.

ok. maybe it's the the me thinking too much here.

It was three AM
when you woke me up
And we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go
Just to get away
We talked about our lives
Until the sun came up
And now I'm thinking about
How I wish I could go back
Just for one more day
One more day with you
Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
Ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All I want is one more day
Now I'm sittin here, like we used to do
I think about my life and how now there's nothing I won't do
Just for one more day
One more day with you

where do i belong?

have you ever wonder, how can you tell if you friends are being truthful with you? in other words are they really your 'true' friends? i can't help but wonder. it's not like i'm a hypocrite or something but i do have friends who have qualities that i don't agree with but yet i'm friends with them. it's not like i have anything against them just because they're the way they are. but those are friends whom i'm not so close with so you just can't say right to their face what you don't like about them. now, my point is that what about close friends? those that you've known for ages, best buddies, your inner circle of friends? how well do you actually know them? do they have something that they don't like about you but they just keep silent over the years? sometimes i feel like i don't really belong. yes, we may be friends, assumingly close friends but till the time you tell me when you're sad because you're having problems, the fact that you thought about me when you're in time of need, till then i know i mean something to you. and that would mean a lot to me, to belong. i don't think the point of us corresponding through email about our daily life, uni life, working life etc. is good enough a justification of how close we are. even when we're face to face, sometimes i feel like we're just trying too hard to catch up and that's about it. no time for intimate details. then the worst is how some in the group are closer one or two so you end up telling stuff to some but not the rest. i feel like i'm always in the latter. where do i belong?