jumbled thoughts

thankz a lot for those who were concerned over my last post but yea, it's just the times when you have nothing better to do and put the thinking cap on. at times, when i think of the past, i would just burst into tears for no apparent reason. not many agrees with me that one can cry for no reason at all, but i seriously think that is somehow true for me. probably there could be many reasons but i can't actually pinpoint down the specific cause of it. probably when i think, my thoughts are just all jumbled up. remember, i'm one confused person most of the time. i'm also very indecisive. i might be good at advising people and all but when it comes to my own problems, i normally can't find a solution for it. so when there's no clear solution to problems, one may decide to drop the issue and put it behind them, then days pass by as usual with nothing major in hand but sooner or later, the unsolved problems will arise and again cause you pain. so my advice to you is to try settling whatever problems you have at that particular instant because you can never run away from your problems. and no, i'm not in another emotional crisis but it's just what i've been through in the past. every sort of relationship does have it's ups and downs but i'm sure somehow or another, love matters more than anything else. if you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice a lot for them. i'm sure most of you in a relationship knows clearly whether you are the one who monopolize or the one who follows through. i never believed that there is such thing as an equal role played by both parties. so which one are you? whichever you are, you should not let the other run the way you go about with you life. as my mum always say, if your partner is one that wants control over the relationship to the extend that you cannot do what you want, then he/she is not worth your love. another piece of advice from my wise mum is that gals should not depend on guys, especially when it comes to financial matters because who knows what will happen? one day, you may seemed like the perfect family everyone envies and next, you may be in a typical family with all the dramas in life. till then, if the woman can't support herself, what is she going to do? stay on with the bastard that ruined the family?

*really jumbled huh? yea, i'm actually sick now. having a bad flu and my head feels heavy but going to go out for dinner because no more food at home then to cinemas to watch Batman Begins*

memories: to have or not to have?

Some people think that it's better to forget the past so that you can move forward, look ahead at what's install for you in the future. Others may think that although you may be moving on with life, you still can withhold the memories of the past, whether it be a lesson to not repeat the same mistakes or just memories of life that mould you to be who you are now. I'm more of the latter one. It's not like i'm a person who doesn't want to move on and forget about the past or anything, it's just that sometimes, when you are alone, with nothing to do, these memories from the past comes flowing back to your mind and makes you ponder back on the things done or said. I don't know why but i missed my friends, my friends back home and i just wished i could have spent more time with them when i had the chance to, when i was back in Msia. I just wanted to express that every one of you mean something in my life and i don't want to waste the chance to thank you, thank you for being a part of my life, thank you for crossing my path and i just hope that our journey together has not yet reached an end. I realised that i shouldn't be waiting at home, waiting for someone to call me out, anyone at all, hoping that they will remember to call when they are free. Probably didn't want to seem persistent so i just wait and wait and before i know it, i have to be back in Oz already. Then, when i think back, i didn't even get to meet half my friends, even my closest friends. I wished i had more chance to meet up and chat. So, next time when i'm back in Msia, i'll make sure i take the initiative to call people out, i hope.

What other memories am i talking about? Memories of everything good and bad that have happened in the past. Should we just erase the bad and keep the good? I mean if one actually did that, then how can you learn from your mistakes if you don't remember any? But keeping too much of the bad memories can also be detrimental. At times, when i think back of all the mistakes that i've done, i just don't know whether i should regret it or not. But being the ego self, i say to myself that i've never regretted anything that i've done. Whether it be true or not, even i can't tell. Once upon a time ago, i believed that love can be forever but i can no longer believe in that. So i guess that's just to name one thing bad about remembering the past? Then you start thinking back about things like, what if..., i shouldn't have...,i could have...,then something strike you back to the present and you realised the past cannot be changed so what's the point thinking about it. Sometimes i do wish i was never involve in any BGR but then again, those who didn't wish they did. It always seem that what others have is better than your own, hence the proverb "the grass is greener on the other side". It's just human nature to not be satisfied with what they have, they want more, they want things to be better than it already is. How selfish.

*It's just what i think but i'm sure it doesn't apply to all. Didn't mean to offend anyone but it's just what i'm feeling right now*

things that i do when i'm bored

Here are just a few...

*taking random pictures of things that i have in my room*

*knitting a scarf as a birthday gift for a friend in NZ*

how to waste time while others are studying?

Well, as most of u would have known, i am the first from my bunch of friends to finish my semester exam. So for the past few days i have been doing nothing much but trying to waste time and hope that the rest faster finish their paper. First day when i finished my last paper, a bunch of us went to watch Star Wars which was due like almost a month now. Yet, still got those mechanical engineering students who haven't watched it. I pity them because although they only have four subjects, in total they had to take 6 papers in the finals. What's more, they are the last to finish, this friday that is. Anyways, then was trying to waste my time watching tv but apparently there's nothing to watch on tv. I wonder why? It's like when i was busy preparing for my papers, i noticed like there's so many interesting show to watch on tv, but now that i'm free, the programmes automatically became not interesting? So then, was continuing my scarf which i had left aside for a very long time when i noticed it was ugly! So i took off almost half of it and continue from there. Talk about wasting time huh? Then at first i was thinking of knitting it for myself, but then it seemed a lil pathetic. No one to knit for and no one to knit for me that i knit for myself? Now, i decided to give it to a friend of mine for her birthday which is just one week before mine. Back in Ausmat, she was like a 'mummy' to me. Nice housemate and great friend. There! I have found a purpose to knit! Well, at least someone will appreciate it rather than me admiring my own work? As of today, i am the cook in the house. I was supposed to cook for my other friends who were quite pitiful too. Imagine, they survived on whatever they can find in the house. But then i thought, if i were to cook for them too, then i would be cooking for almost 7 people! Nah, i can't handle that much so too bad for them. They would have to just try to survive another two more days since their papers end on Wednesday. So later i have to be the cook and the delivery person, sent food to the library for the manja fellow studying there. But then i would have to miss Desperate Housewives on TV!?

apologies for being inactive

So does anyone still stop by every once in a while to see i've updated anything? Anyways, here i am with one more paper to go for my semester exam and i'm free after tomorrow! Didn't manage to update anything because was sort of tied down with last minute studying and panicking that i cannot remember anything for the exam. But anyways, so far should be ok kua. Unless there's more than 10% of people who are smarter than me la. Well, i mean that's totally possible here in uni but cross my freezing fingers and toes that i did alright. I guess i'm more worried for tomoro's paper but i'm too tired to bring myself to read through the thing again or even try to understand the processes, yet i have to remember the chemical reagent's names and what they do. You know what, my subject has a very glamour name. It's called Organic & Bio-organic Chemistry. Hmm...i think i better go nap for a while more so i can stay up at night to do some work. Shall be more active after my exams ya?

comments of the day

* Management paper definitely passable...now it's a matter of getting what grade

* FCUK sales very affordable...should i buy anything? do i need anything?

* Apprentice finals on TV...i already know Kendra won but still want to see what other people commented and what they get to do when they win

* I shall eat home tonight since i spend so much eating out for the past few days or should i say whole last week

* Tomorrow go out with Marianne before she goes back to Malaysia, hopefully

* Need to buy paper...ran out of papers printing past year exam papers and notes...some more got 'parasite' in the house

* Shall not study today as a reward for completing my first paper...but what shall i do?

* Want to eat gelati...durian gelati..when does the shop close?

* I want to drink apple mango juice but too lazy to go safeway and buy

* I'm tired...my head feels heavy

*knock knock*

Why do i care so much about what's happening is other people's life?
Lesson of the day
Take care of your own life and mind your own business.
What people do in their life is their problem, not yours.
Now, go back to your pathetic studies.

i'm tired

I'm tired of staying up late to finish as much as i can everyday for my studies. I'm tired of working in the library in late hours but obviously i think even if i didn't do much studying in a day in the library, i'm sure it would have been more than what i would normally do at home. it's not that i don't have a nice home to go back to, but i tend to find for distractions at home. in saying that, here i am doing the exact same thing that i shouldn't be doing. well, studies is going on alright for me. i'm quite sure i'll be able to cover everything but the only problem would be how much i could actually remember. i said that my brain is overload with information? not only that, it's overloaded and jumbled up, symptoms of breaking down. hopefully only after the exams. I'm tired, everyday sleeping at weird hours and i feel the impact today because i had to wake up early for a swot vac tute. well, i don't regret going but i'm just tired. i need some rest but no, i have to finish up the remainder of my CAI tute and final quiz. and here i am waiting to do it but my housemate Frances is still sleeping. and i have to wait for her to be awake only can do because i need to use her comp. my comp too high tech already, no floppy driver. probably will get some eyes shut now since i can't do anything much but wait till she gets up. so anyways, today is the beginning of another nightmare for me. commencing of series of memorizing nonsense theories to score for management. another whole bunch of data that i need to insert into my tiny little brain, poor brain. although i don't put any hope in scoring well for management, i still want to put in some effort so i don't regret in the future. yes yes, it's just an elective. argh!! *bangs head on the wall*

the urge to blog

why is it that exam is so so near but i have the urge to blog? i have so much to say but i tell myself, i should not waste my time blogging because i have much more to read. why is it that all the subjects that i'm taking requires me to read and read and read? now, at this kind of time, i wish i was a commerce student. i wish i took maths as an elective than taking stupid management that has so much to read. no, one of my friend said, i should be doing past years instead of reading back the notes, but then what's the point of doing past year papers if i don't even know the theory? why is it that everyone says i'm lucky to have finished early? but i don't feel so because i wish i had a schedule like the rest, with almost one week to study for the one paper. well, can't complain much. things are the way it is because god made it this way. be grateful and work hard. just this time, just once in a while, intense study pays off not all the time but most of the time. but my brain is a lil bit jam with information overload. why don't i have a bigger brain to store more info? why is it that i tend to have short term memory when it comes to studies? now i wish i was over with studies but learning is a part of life even after uni. then why am i asking such stupid questions to myself? i must be crazy *patient diagnosed with brain damage*