wasting time

it's 9.14 am and i was woke up from bed because my eye is still bengkak...yes, only one side. last night it was so irritated i could barely open my eyes so i couldn't do any studying and had to lay there with my eyes close. today, it's a little bit better but still quite irritated and more bengkak then yesterday. look like as if i cried whole night but it's kind of true because each time i opened my eye it teared. now that i'm awake it stopped tearing but it's getting irritated again. what a waste of time and i thought it was just a normal irritation because sometimes when you rub your eyes too much [which i didn't] or when dust goes in, it becomes red but after a while [a night sleep is quite long actually] it gets well! but when i woke up, it was bengkak! so now have to go see doctor but the only doctor appointment available is at 3 pm. what am i suppose to do from now to then? close eyes and lay there being useless again? close also painful open also painful, how now!? what's more, i seriously think i might be getting down with a flu.

*fight those nasty germs, antibodies! and i hope you win the battle!! fight fight!

'fever' or flu?

the exam 'fever' in beginning to affect me. i don't understand why because it's not like i've been studying for several hours a day also. today my eye sight is extremely bad and my eyes feel really dry that it hurts a little. two to three days of walking under the showers and one evening of sitting in the dusty, pollen-ey wind made me a little sick. my nose feels a little stuffy at times but other times it's ok. i keep telling myself exam is a long way to go. either it's because of that that i'm studying so slow or the fact that i can't really remember what i read that is making me not motivated to study so fast. anyways, i just hope this early reading-through-all-the-lectures-that-i've-missed-out routine would come in handy when i actually start memorizing later. it's better to have in your head that, 'yes, i know it's in my lecture somewhere' rather than 'did we really study that?', right? i don't think i've slept so much for a very long time. the thought that i need to study makes me feel sleepy, plus blurry and itchy eyes and stuffed up nose...good symptoms to sleep more huh? but i've already slept for like 10 hours last night! study fay lin study! ~ish

good things do come my way

once in a while, good things do come my way. i was so worked up thinking of what other subjects i could enrol for next year if i didn't get into the one i initial planned. it was my mistake actually, to not look carefully at the prerequisites but i do admit it was quite confusing. in the end i had to ask the subject coordinator what it actually meant in the handbook. then i had to correspond with him through email for two days because everytime either he answers too vague or i just forgot the thing i'm suppose to attach to the email. all in all, i'm quite sure the coordinator is one fine guy. at least he replies my email fast! not like the case of my hommie, she wants to enrol in so many subjects that she doesn't have the prerequisite for but she's unlucky enough to bump into a mean coordinator. what's more that coordinator is the lecturer that many of us dislike because he is not much of a help in lab sessions. so obviously, she got turned down and she doesn't know what she wants to take now. as for me, after all the hassle, it's an approval!! the coordinator said that eventhough i didn't take a prerequisite subject, but he would be 'very happy' to enrol me in thanks to my results. proves the point that i'm not that stupid after all? yea...so now i don't need to worry i can't get into subjects that i want. but wait, now have to check if got timetable clash...darn!

are you really 'away'?

i've noticed for some time that whenever i on my msn, at least 9 out of 10 of the people who are online has the status of 'away' or 'busy'. i really think that people have really misused the status thing, especially saying that you are away but you're actually there. if you are there and you don't want people to disturb you, just be offline or something. yea, msn is not like icq where you can choose to be invisible to certain and visible to others. but the point of having msn is so that friends can keep in touch with you right? hmm...does it mean if you put your status as away, it means that friends can msg you whenever they want and you'll somehow receive it some other time of the day? or you just simply don't want people to msg you at all? mine would be the former but at least when i say i'm away, i'm not anywhere near the computer! or you could be like me, when you msg someone who is 'away' just ask if there are actually there or not!?

another excerpt from the past

everywhere i look, there are always things that reminds me of you. is it selfish of me to keep it or perhaps i should return everything to you? but a gift will always be a gift right? i should keep and cherish it right? are you doing the same, i doubt it though? but sometimes, when i look at them, it reminds me of you. is it wrong for me to think about our 'relationship'? what am i to you now, i truly wonder? do you hate me, does she hate me? what did you actually tell the rest of the world? is it really my fault that we're no longer close? but for everything to work out, it takes two. sometimes i think if i made a mistake, humans are so vulnerable and they are too quick to make a decision. at other times, i think it's for the best, for you and perhaps for me. but i am never sure, i've never been sure with any decision that i make. i may think that it's for the best but you may think otherwise. are you too good to deserve a friend like me? you were perfect, too perfect of a person that i was afraid to accept that fact, i don't deserve it, i really don't. i'm happy for you, happy that you are where you are now. i was too much of a burden, you were just too nice, to tolerate my behaviour. and no, i wasn't using you, as least i didn't intend to. i hope you didn't think that our friendship was just a way for me to get what i want, it wasn't. was it destined that our path crossed, i truly hope that's true? if that's the case then there must be a reason for things to happen the way it is. why am i so curious about what's happening in your life? do i even have the rights to know? my dearest friend...you're truly cherished.

reasons why people think i'm cute

actually, i don't think i need to list it down because there's only few obvious reasons why people think i'm cute. first it's because i'm short! how often do you hear someone refer to a tall person as cute? tall people are normally handsome or pretty, not cute. then another factor is that i have a 'big' head! ahaha!! don't you think my head is big in proportion to my body? yea, that's what eugene came up with. evil huh!? so with my 'huge' head, short body, and childish act, people think of me as a cartoon character. you know, cartoon characters are cute for the similar reason i think? maybe i'm sort of like a whale too, big head but small brain! funny trying to imagine me as a whale huh? but anyways, i'm sure some people might think that i'm ugly or simply short! but who cares, i can't grow anymore and no, i don't mix with short people so i look tall! i have too many tall friends actually! they make me look shorter! ~ciz

do i imitate?

do i imitate the way people write on their blog? do i imitate their layout because it's just too nice? yea,i admit i do tend to imitate a little, just a little. more on mimicking their layout than the way they write. i don't learn codes and i don't think i'll ever master it but at least i'm learning by trying to alter a code i obtain to my liking! yea, trial and error until finally get something right. don't have that much time to learn how to write my own code actually. then when come holidays, i don't even write entries, what more learn codes right? i'm not a good writer either, so no matter if i try to write like other bloggers, i won't be able to write something as insightful as theirs. sometimes, i even have to open office words to check if i spelt things correctly. just self-concious i guess? but at other times, i couldn't be bothered at all. ok, the birthday wish kind of thing, definitely copy from marianne one! but then how can i not let the whole world know that it's a day worth celebrating for someone special? yea, not purposely copy one ya? i wish i could write something more informative, or opinionated but i have to accept the fact that i'm not a person with big words. as we say in bm, 'bahasa yang berbunga-bunga'! i've always believe that i don't have to write with words that i don't know, as long as i write simple but understandable english, i'll be able to pass my test. yea, even if i write academic essay now, even small kids can understand!! so i conclude that i'm not as good as others in all this sort of things so there's no way i'm actually imitating them! =)

a note for someone special

to that someone special, i would like to wish you a very happy birthday and may your birthday be a memorable one. you've reach 'adulthood' like many of us but that doesn't mean you are mature at all? ahaha!! also, may your birthday be filled lots of sweet delights [cakes that are meant to be eaten not thrown on your face]! hopefully by the time i come back, you'll still be 'visible' to me!! take care!

*addition* congratulations on your very happy news! what a way to start off this wonderful, glorious day!!

disappointment

as the title said, i'm a little disappointed today. there was one program that i applied to and was hoping to be selected but the news came today and said that i was not selected for this round. actually i was already thinking what i should be doing if i got selected since i've booked my plane ticket and i wouldn't be going back if i got the part. but there! dilemma solved! not in a good way though, i wonder what is it in me that they didn't find outstanding? is my results not good enough? or my essay sucked big time? even if it did, it was what i felt but apparently things didn't seem to catch their attention. my resume not impressive enough? too many candidates that are far more outstanding than me? i wish they would tell me why but obviously there's no way they are going to do that. so i guess, the only good news here is that i'll be back in Malaysia sooner than expected? yea, i'll just have to spend my time lazing around for the rest of summer like any other person instead of using it productively in helping other people in their research and gaining insightful experience for myself. now, i think i should be informing my lecturer who was so kind to be my referee, didn't want to disappoint her either, she was so positive and everything, but i guess it's my responsibility to at least inform her of the outcome. in any case, i can try again next year but i'm not going to put too high hopes in it. the only thing i can do is write a better, more impressive essay and i have the whole holidays to do that!

about BGR

is it always true that bf/gf and ex-s do not get along? is there something like a jealousy thing going on ? you know how friendster has this thing where you can see who's been looking up your profile? i was quite surprise who's been sneaking around! yea, but don't want to mention names here. sometimes when i think about it, i believe i have the answer to the question and here is my opinion. if the ex-s of your partner is your friend as well, then yes you'll still get along eventhough there may be some weird signals/feelings. but if the ex-s is that you do not know, then you'll be more curious to find out more about that person? just like you want to know how were they like as a couple or how are you like compared to the other. why are you trying to compare your life with another if things are already history? are you trying to make yourself feel better if you find out that you lead a better life than your ex? is that why you keep on asking questions about their life, every aspect of it? and why should he/she share their present life with you, a person from the past? it's not like things is the same anymore, you are not as important to he/she anymore, so why bother interfering in other people's life? the only thing you should be doing is hoping that your ex doesn't talk bad about you to his/her gf/bf or else you'll just get someone else who hates you for treating their partner like crap in the past. ah crappy!!

towards the end of semester

it is only two more weeks towards the end of semester and the exam season. so fast...time flies when you are busy catching up with life or work or anything at all. finally done with all the major assignments for this semester and time to get down to business. every sem, i complain that i do not have enough time to study, i need more time but sem after sem i seemed to do fine in the end. even so, each sem is getting harder so logically i should put in more effort in studies but i seemed to have developed a pretty bad habit. watching tv way too much for my own benefit. but hey, watching tv is like the reason for me to take time off from studying, not like i have been doing much study to begin with. even in my head now is what movie should i go watch on monday or tuesday when the movie tickets are cheap! ahaha!! also, just because i handed up my major project last friday, i have reason to laze till today! will try not to laze for so long though, time to catch up on studies...i think!?