exams in 4

first paper in another 4 days. can't believe it man. it's already my last sem. though it's honours next year, but there won't be any paper exams anymore! yet, last sem still have 4 papers to take. i dunoe why i'm not feeling very very stressed up yet. hmm. is that a good thing or bad thing? anyways, will be busy until the 21st Nov. take care till then! prayers for 10, 13, 20, 21 Nov greatly appreciated! for a clear and focused mind! god bless y'all!

life's insane

life's insane when you're a uni student. i've always been a last-minute-person but this is by no way comparison to anything that i've done man! saturday i researched for material to write up my lab report. wasn't in the mood so i went to watch movie instead. movie was good though infernal affair was better because i rather see Andy Lau and Tony Leong than Leonardo and Matt Damon. so anyways, supposed to start writing my report after the movie and wasn't planning to sleep until i finish it. but the piggy me, haven't even finish writing intro cannot tahan already. so went to bed and woke up early the next day to continue writing. already behind time and only managed to finish writing the 1500 words report in less than a day. next, [did i mention that i was way behind time?] had to start studying for a test on Tuesday for things that i'm not even sure i understood in lectures. half semester of lectures to cover from Sunday night till Tuesday morning. it was insane but do to hard work and dedication [despite the time where i keep napping every 2 hours of studying] i managed to read through all the materials. test was today, in the afternoon and by evening we got back our essay test paper. efficient huh? wat to do, last week of sem so they wanted to give it back to us as quickly as possible as feedback. for the first time in my entire uni life, i actually got 0 for a question! siao eh! 0/6 that's a lot man. i was kinda surprise that the lecturer didn't even give me a pity mark. for trying so hard to answer a question that i wasn't even sure what they were asking. in the end, the answer was actually very simple. and we blamed it on the way he phrased the question. yeah. many other got either 0 for not trying or 1 for a right sentence. but i had to emphasize again that i got zero for writing half page of answer. =( i haven't crapped so much in a paper since management in second year man! but hey, no complain here, life's insane but what you expect from studying bioinformatics in less than a day? got another report due which i was supposed to do tonight but i'm feeling pretty drained up. wanna go sleep and prolly wake up early in the morning again. now you know why i'm online at weird hours? cya!

what is it.

is it good. or is it bad. that we think alike. that the only solution we can think of is the same. but it's not as easy as we think. if only. if only some things did not happen. if only some things happen. we're holding on. onto a broken dream. is it time to wake up to the world. to reality. maybe i just want to continue dreaming. things are always perfect in dreams. the place we meet. for those far away. in dreams.

do i think too much?

sometimes i really think i think too much. if u don't know yet, yes, i can be really complicated. in terms of what's happening in my life, in my past. it always ends up being the same thing again and again. i wonder if i could ever get over it? i hate it when i start thinking and thinking and one things lead to another, then end up, wide awake in bed. i hate that feeling. i hate being uncertain of things. i hate having doubts. if only everything is as clear as the sky! wait a minute, even the sky is not clear! i wonder, if i could get on with my life with the clouds surrounding my past. i truly wonder.

ok. maybe it's the the me thinking too much here.

It was three AM
when you woke me up
And we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go
Just to get away
We talked about our lives
Until the sun came up
And now I'm thinking about
How I wish I could go back
Just for one more day
One more day with you
Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
Ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All I want is one more day
Now I'm sittin here, like we used to do
I think about my life and how now there's nothing I won't do
Just for one more day
One more day with you

where do i belong?

have you ever wonder, how can you tell if you friends are being truthful with you? in other words are they really your 'true' friends? i can't help but wonder. it's not like i'm a hypocrite or something but i do have friends who have qualities that i don't agree with but yet i'm friends with them. it's not like i have anything against them just because they're the way they are. but those are friends whom i'm not so close with so you just can't say right to their face what you don't like about them. now, my point is that what about close friends? those that you've known for ages, best buddies, your inner circle of friends? how well do you actually know them? do they have something that they don't like about you but they just keep silent over the years? sometimes i feel like i don't really belong. yes, we may be friends, assumingly close friends but till the time you tell me when you're sad because you're having problems, the fact that you thought about me when you're in time of need, till then i know i mean something to you. and that would mean a lot to me, to belong. i don't think the point of us corresponding through email about our daily life, uni life, working life etc. is good enough a justification of how close we are. even when we're face to face, sometimes i feel like we're just trying too hard to catch up and that's about it. no time for intimate details. then the worst is how some in the group are closer one or two so you end up telling stuff to some but not the rest. i feel like i'm always in the latter. where do i belong?

mission: muffin

muffin mission = success!

don't believe it's the first time that i'm baking muffins leh? ahaha...obviously i choose to take picture of the nicer looking ones la. but of course all of it taste the same, with lotsa tender loving care. can you resist it? orange muffins with millions of white and dark chocolate chips? yumz! for those in malaysia who are less fortunate, too bad! i can't sent it back home to you rite? nvm, ask someone closer to you to bake things with love for you ya? sorry i can't be of assistance. ~chaoz

delicious-ly tempting

i have this... now i'm thinking of getting this...

winter spring summer

sometimes i can't really tell what is the season now. one day it's freaking cold even when the sun is out, then another day it's as if summer's already here! other days it's just plan windy and when i say windy i really mean the wind is so strong that i actually have to stop walking just in case i lose my balance. just the other day i was actually strucked/attacked/whacked by the sand/dust blown towards my direction on a really windy night! lesson to learn while in melbourne, never trust what you see outside your room window nor how the wind felt like when you stick your hand out. always check the weather before you head out and estimate what time you'll be heading home because you may be going out on a bright and sunny warm day but coming back to a cold and windy night. so always be prepared for the worst. thank goodness i wore my jacket out today. *winkz

counting the blessings

i consider myself quite lucky. okay, i'm not too sure if 'lucky' is the right word to use but i think we all know what it means right? well, everytime when i bump into someone and they ask me where i'm going and when i say i'm off to work then the conversation would continue with something like that:

x: oh, where are you working?
me: at st.vincents [noticed puzzled look on x's face]...in the medical lab.
x: cool! how did you get a job there!? [it's just something about science students and working in labs]
me: i got it under UROP
x: hey! i applied for that too but i only managed to get to the interview stage.

plus, it's always as if someone up there knows about my inner thought because everytime when i just think of how boring work is and i rather do something that sit down and get paid for doing nothing and learning nothing, miraculously the lab manager or the supervisor would be talking about what they thought of getting me to do! i'm grateful because i seriously going to lost motivation if i have nothing to do! so yeah, just today i was given my mini-project to do! excited! don't have to fill pipette tips everyday already. don't have to sit down and do nothing. don't have to walk aimlessly looking for something to do!

meeting up with the JPA officer, our sponsor, next week. i'm sure everyone back in Malaysia has heard about the increment in the allowance for scholarship students right? yeah, so that another good news but too bad it doesn't make much difference to me because my accomodation is expensive so in the end i get back almost the same amount. at least other people who are living in the suburb or something they'll have a better living standard thanks to the rise. another thing is that the Higher Education Minister of Malaysia, Dato Mustapa Mohamad announced during his visit to Melbourne that those that are still in primary or secondary school doesn't need to pay examination fees anymore! hip hip hooray! i'm happy for all my little cousins because since there are so many of them, it would safe the family a lot of money. by the way, i think there's some association of malaysian + free food/stuff = attendance! or at least it seems that way because everytime someone from Malaysia comes to visit us students, they'll always provide meal or refreshment. typical Malaysians?

long awaited holiday approaching soon! i was so eager for this holiday break because i think we've been taking in so much of learning stuff and a well deserved break. but i just realized that i have that major assignment due right after the holidays. can't believe when the holidays is over it's almost October! still, no complains there! have so much things ahead of me but heck, let's take it as it comes!

also, now that i'm working, i feel like i can enjoy myself more. yes, money is not everything but with that extra income i'm able to pamper myself a little. in the first place i'm proud to say that i don't need my parents to sent me money because i'm always a good gal, trying not to spend more than what i get but it's quite impossible yet i was still surviving very well because of the money i saved from 1st year. it's like the longer we are here, the more willing we are to spend money unlike 1st year where could u believe i only spend on average 50 dollars per week? thanks so much for this opportunity to earn some extra cash and experience at the same time! no one can ask for a better deal than this! can you?

i'm grateful to have such a lovely grandma. i truly believe that my inspiration and motivation to do research in the science field is because of her. i'm proud to tell lecturers that my main interest is research in the diseases of the 'ageing' population. i want every grandma and grandpa in the world, at least maybe in the future, to age gracefully, enjoying their every moment embrassing their grandchildren and actively spending their carefree days in good health. it saddens me to see some who become frail because of arthritis/osteoperosis/stroke and the worst is alzheimer's. hopefully sometime in the future, every grandma and grandpa in the world don't have to suffer no more! i know, even lecturers said that the field of science and research is not about making money, scientist are not rich and they'll hardly be. the main thing is the passion you have for the work you do. so my piece of advice, if you want to be rich, don't study science. take anything else but science. seriously, if you're just about wanting to earn big bucks the fastest way possible, don't take science. don't you realised that most of your science lecturer are super old and they've been doing their research in the field for millions of year?

right here waiting for you

Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought we'd last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I cant get near you now
Oh cant you see it baby
You got me going crazy

I wonder how we can survive this romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance...

whenever i hear this song, i have this sad feeling within me. what can i say, i'm just an emotional gal.

to blog or not to blog

i don't think i'm a person suitable for blogging. to begin with, i'm not someone with lots of thoughts besides studies and relationships. at times when i desperately feel like blogging, i can't think of anything to write. that is why in the end my blog is more like a place for my friends to check out what's going on in my life. so i guess i can say that when i don't blog, basically nothing much interesting is happening? ahaha! i conclude that the purpose of my blog is to keep in touch with those who are interested in what's happening in my life while i'm abroad. what about u? why not find a reason to blog so i can keep in touch with you as well? or those who have blog...jot down your add so i can drop by sometime and say hi! one of the many ways to keep in touch i must say! you have a good day!

does it only happen to me?

why is it that when i accidentally bite my own tongue or lip etc. i tend to bite the same place over and over again? now not only can i not eat properly or talk properly because it hurts, i'm feeling puffy! plus i'm feeling bloated. at first i was wondering, why am i feeling bloated? not like i ate a lot or anything like that? then i realised, because of that stupid ulcer/bengkak, my salivary glands is over-producing saliva! stupid me! wanna know how i look like? imagine...puffy cheeks and bloated tummy! ahaha! how to make the pain go away?

enjoy-NYA

yesterday night went to Dracula's for the first time! not bad at all! i think it was really worth the money since the fact that we only paid half the usual price for the whole thing, a ghost train ride, three course meal, and the show. was there from 7.20pm until 11pm man! can't believed it was so long! that was the few hours that i wasn't stressing about my assignment. to my surprise, there was so many people at that place on a weekday! and almost every table had a birthday celebration. our table was our 'exotic' moham! *winkz. tonight going out with marianne for a good meal again, well i hope it's good. haven't really tried german food before. i have a feeling marianne's going struggle with the portions because my perception is that german food comes in big portion! been having lots of expensive dinner lately. like last week went to uni for the biochem student/staff dinner which cost 30 bucks. next week going for pharmaco dinner which cost 35 bucks. dracula's was 36 bucks. tonite german dinner on me. thankfully i'm working or else i wouldn't even think of spending so much! also, going to book tickets to watch cirque du soleil next year. wanna come? this is what you call enjoy, no?

uni student = stress

although it may be true that some of us stress ourselves too much over assignments and exams but isn't that the nature of what we were brought up to be? but i think this only applies to malaysian due to the way we were thought back in school. this applies fully to me! during times like this when the stress level is high, you don't have to ask me what's up or is there lots to do because it 'shows' on my face, if you know what i mean. like this lecturer today, when i asked him about my assignment, i was really worried the whole morning. i was worried how am i suppose to convey my ideas regarding the assignment to him? what if he rejects the whole idea and think it's crap? phew, thankfully he said that i was on the right track or else i think the stress level would have shot up the roof by now. i even took a day of work today because i wanted to work on researching materials for the assignment. what's more i have a test next week which i haven't touched. bleh. the thing is, he said that we students actually worry too much! hah! he's the one who's making the assignment expectation so high that a lot of us with no microbiology background is struggling to hold on. even those with good knowledge of microbiology is not quite sure of what's going on. we even made a conspiration theory that the lecturer is using us to get ideas for him to do further research in his field!

why torture yourself?

why would you want to torture yourself doing something that you don't actually want to do? why would you let someone else decide what you should do and when? why can't you have the freedom to choose and make your own decision for christ's sake? you should be having fun doing it and not think of it as an obligation. when it becomes an obligation then it doesn't mean much anymore right? just because no one is willing to step up to the play doesn't mean that you have to take every single responsibility as your own right? come on man...have your own say in the things you do...

how slow can i be?

i can be very very very slow! ahaha! what i mean by slow the amount of time i have to spend just doing my 'homework'. just the other day, i only slept at 7am trying to finish up a lab report that is due the next day. in the end, i was so tired that i skipped my 9 o'clock class just to catch a 3 hour sleep. then after that had to go for the prac class which i was feeling a lil bit dizzy due to lack of sleep. then realised we were supposed to dissect cute lil mice. kesianz...back to the topic, it's not like i started doing it very last minute or anything. i actually started doing it like on friday. don't know why took so long in the end monday morning only finish. ahaha! now u know what i mean by i can be very very very slow?

do i care?

if you think that i'm ignoring you, maybe i am. but i'm really busy this semester. finishing at 5pm plus everyday is no joke. sometimes i come back and i'm dead tired! so will end up keeping my assignments till weekend. but at least i'm trying to make something out of my life/experience in melbourne. i know i may have been ignoring you but that doesn't mean i don't care. maybe i'm just not good at expressing myself. doesn't mean that i have to contact you in order for you to drop by to say hi. maybe there are certain things about you that i don't like but not like you don't know. but hey, no one's perfect right? even those weird stuff you talking about elsewhere, i'm going to myself "what the..." whatever it is, i'm here even when i'm not writing. keep in touch.

6 weird facts about me

1. I hold pen or pencils with my thumb, index finger and middle finger! [marianne, maybe we're normal after all? or we learned from each other? hmm?] and i can also hold two pens and switch between both while writing notes.
2. I sleep with a comforter even when it's warm. Just because I like to hold on to the fluffy, comfy comforter! When it's too warm, I'll stick my foot out! haha!
3. I talk too much? That's what some people say but others, they say i look scary/fierce/lan si? Hey, I'm friendly okay? Do you think I'm scary? You don't expect me to smile for apparent reason while I'm sitting alone doing nothing right?
4. Apparently my name, if you pronounce it in a different tone, it sounds like something not-so-pleasant in cantonese. Go figure!
5. I collect lighters! By the way, I don't smoke just that last time when i was younger my dad used to bring back lighters that he got from pub or hotel overseas and it's fascinating! So if I see a nice lighter, I might bug you to give it to me! ")
6. I like bugging people. Especially when people tells you about something halfway and decides that it's better not to tell, I'll bug them until they tell me the whole thing. So you can say i don't like people to say things halfway and ask me to forget about it! Like i can forget about it? I always say, "tell me the whole thing or else you shouldn't have mentioned anything at all!"

whoa, that was hard man. imagine i had to write 10 weird facts about myself! but hey, at least it sort of makes you reflect upon yourself a little. what makes you different/unique from others.

can't think of who to tag because i don't know who actually reads my blog. tell me who you are so i can tag you! ahaha!

thanks for the wishes

as the title says it all, just wanted to thank those who wished me before, during and after my birthday! thanks for remembering and for those who noticed because of friendster, thanks as well for dropping by to send me a birthday wish. i had a great birthday this year, with the company of many of my friends having dinner in a really nice place. i hope everyone enjoyed themselves as much as i did! also to my hommies for the wonderful birthday pressie which was hidden from me during my trip to adelaide! also to my bf for searching high and low three consecutive days to fine something perfect for me. you shouldn't have, cuz i'm a person easy to shop for? or at least that's what i thought! thanks so very much! also to the one who called all the way from malaysia, the one who msn msged me because your phone was barred, the ones who sent me ecards and emails! you're such a wonderful bunch of friends to have and i'll cherish everyone of you! *muakz

on another note, i don't think i'll have much time to post things because of my very very packed schedule. for those who still don't know, i'm working part time in a research lab now! it's fun learning new things! can be scary at times as well but i have a good mentor! hope to catch up with you all sometime! lotsa love!