wasting time

it's 9.14 am and i was woke up from bed because my eye is still bengkak...yes, only one side. last night it was so irritated i could barely open my eyes so i couldn't do any studying and had to lay there with my eyes close. today, it's a little bit better but still quite irritated and more bengkak then yesterday. look like as if i cried whole night but it's kind of true because each time i opened my eye it teared. now that i'm awake it stopped tearing but it's getting irritated again. what a waste of time and i thought it was just a normal irritation because sometimes when you rub your eyes too much [which i didn't] or when dust goes in, it becomes red but after a while [a night sleep is quite long actually] it gets well! but when i woke up, it was bengkak! so now have to go see doctor but the only doctor appointment available is at 3 pm. what am i suppose to do from now to then? close eyes and lay there being useless again? close also painful open also painful, how now!? what's more, i seriously think i might be getting down with a flu.

*fight those nasty germs, antibodies! and i hope you win the battle!! fight fight!

'fever' or flu?

the exam 'fever' in beginning to affect me. i don't understand why because it's not like i've been studying for several hours a day also. today my eye sight is extremely bad and my eyes feel really dry that it hurts a little. two to three days of walking under the showers and one evening of sitting in the dusty, pollen-ey wind made me a little sick. my nose feels a little stuffy at times but other times it's ok. i keep telling myself exam is a long way to go. either it's because of that that i'm studying so slow or the fact that i can't really remember what i read that is making me not motivated to study so fast. anyways, i just hope this early reading-through-all-the-lectures-that-i've-missed-out routine would come in handy when i actually start memorizing later. it's better to have in your head that, 'yes, i know it's in my lecture somewhere' rather than 'did we really study that?', right? i don't think i've slept so much for a very long time. the thought that i need to study makes me feel sleepy, plus blurry and itchy eyes and stuffed up nose...good symptoms to sleep more huh? but i've already slept for like 10 hours last night! study fay lin study! ~ish

good things do come my way

once in a while, good things do come my way. i was so worked up thinking of what other subjects i could enrol for next year if i didn't get into the one i initial planned. it was my mistake actually, to not look carefully at the prerequisites but i do admit it was quite confusing. in the end i had to ask the subject coordinator what it actually meant in the handbook. then i had to correspond with him through email for two days because everytime either he answers too vague or i just forgot the thing i'm suppose to attach to the email. all in all, i'm quite sure the coordinator is one fine guy. at least he replies my email fast! not like the case of my hommie, she wants to enrol in so many subjects that she doesn't have the prerequisite for but she's unlucky enough to bump into a mean coordinator. what's more that coordinator is the lecturer that many of us dislike because he is not much of a help in lab sessions. so obviously, she got turned down and she doesn't know what she wants to take now. as for me, after all the hassle, it's an approval!! the coordinator said that eventhough i didn't take a prerequisite subject, but he would be 'very happy' to enrol me in thanks to my results. proves the point that i'm not that stupid after all? yea...so now i don't need to worry i can't get into subjects that i want. but wait, now have to check if got timetable clash...darn!

are you really 'away'?

i've noticed for some time that whenever i on my msn, at least 9 out of 10 of the people who are online has the status of 'away' or 'busy'. i really think that people have really misused the status thing, especially saying that you are away but you're actually there. if you are there and you don't want people to disturb you, just be offline or something. yea, msn is not like icq where you can choose to be invisible to certain and visible to others. but the point of having msn is so that friends can keep in touch with you right? hmm...does it mean if you put your status as away, it means that friends can msg you whenever they want and you'll somehow receive it some other time of the day? or you just simply don't want people to msg you at all? mine would be the former but at least when i say i'm away, i'm not anywhere near the computer! or you could be like me, when you msg someone who is 'away' just ask if there are actually there or not!?

another excerpt from the past

everywhere i look, there are always things that reminds me of you. is it selfish of me to keep it or perhaps i should return everything to you? but a gift will always be a gift right? i should keep and cherish it right? are you doing the same, i doubt it though? but sometimes, when i look at them, it reminds me of you. is it wrong for me to think about our 'relationship'? what am i to you now, i truly wonder? do you hate me, does she hate me? what did you actually tell the rest of the world? is it really my fault that we're no longer close? but for everything to work out, it takes two. sometimes i think if i made a mistake, humans are so vulnerable and they are too quick to make a decision. at other times, i think it's for the best, for you and perhaps for me. but i am never sure, i've never been sure with any decision that i make. i may think that it's for the best but you may think otherwise. are you too good to deserve a friend like me? you were perfect, too perfect of a person that i was afraid to accept that fact, i don't deserve it, i really don't. i'm happy for you, happy that you are where you are now. i was too much of a burden, you were just too nice, to tolerate my behaviour. and no, i wasn't using you, as least i didn't intend to. i hope you didn't think that our friendship was just a way for me to get what i want, it wasn't. was it destined that our path crossed, i truly hope that's true? if that's the case then there must be a reason for things to happen the way it is. why am i so curious about what's happening in your life? do i even have the rights to know? my dearest friend...you're truly cherished.

reasons why people think i'm cute

actually, i don't think i need to list it down because there's only few obvious reasons why people think i'm cute. first it's because i'm short! how often do you hear someone refer to a tall person as cute? tall people are normally handsome or pretty, not cute. then another factor is that i have a 'big' head! ahaha!! don't you think my head is big in proportion to my body? yea, that's what eugene came up with. evil huh!? so with my 'huge' head, short body, and childish act, people think of me as a cartoon character. you know, cartoon characters are cute for the similar reason i think? maybe i'm sort of like a whale too, big head but small brain! funny trying to imagine me as a whale huh? but anyways, i'm sure some people might think that i'm ugly or simply short! but who cares, i can't grow anymore and no, i don't mix with short people so i look tall! i have too many tall friends actually! they make me look shorter! ~ciz

do i imitate?

do i imitate the way people write on their blog? do i imitate their layout because it's just too nice? yea,i admit i do tend to imitate a little, just a little. more on mimicking their layout than the way they write. i don't learn codes and i don't think i'll ever master it but at least i'm learning by trying to alter a code i obtain to my liking! yea, trial and error until finally get something right. don't have that much time to learn how to write my own code actually. then when come holidays, i don't even write entries, what more learn codes right? i'm not a good writer either, so no matter if i try to write like other bloggers, i won't be able to write something as insightful as theirs. sometimes, i even have to open office words to check if i spelt things correctly. just self-concious i guess? but at other times, i couldn't be bothered at all. ok, the birthday wish kind of thing, definitely copy from marianne one! but then how can i not let the whole world know that it's a day worth celebrating for someone special? yea, not purposely copy one ya? i wish i could write something more informative, or opinionated but i have to accept the fact that i'm not a person with big words. as we say in bm, 'bahasa yang berbunga-bunga'! i've always believe that i don't have to write with words that i don't know, as long as i write simple but understandable english, i'll be able to pass my test. yea, even if i write academic essay now, even small kids can understand!! so i conclude that i'm not as good as others in all this sort of things so there's no way i'm actually imitating them! =)

a note for someone special

to that someone special, i would like to wish you a very happy birthday and may your birthday be a memorable one. you've reach 'adulthood' like many of us but that doesn't mean you are mature at all? ahaha!! also, may your birthday be filled lots of sweet delights [cakes that are meant to be eaten not thrown on your face]! hopefully by the time i come back, you'll still be 'visible' to me!! take care!

*addition* congratulations on your very happy news! what a way to start off this wonderful, glorious day!!

disappointment

as the title said, i'm a little disappointed today. there was one program that i applied to and was hoping to be selected but the news came today and said that i was not selected for this round. actually i was already thinking what i should be doing if i got selected since i've booked my plane ticket and i wouldn't be going back if i got the part. but there! dilemma solved! not in a good way though, i wonder what is it in me that they didn't find outstanding? is my results not good enough? or my essay sucked big time? even if it did, it was what i felt but apparently things didn't seem to catch their attention. my resume not impressive enough? too many candidates that are far more outstanding than me? i wish they would tell me why but obviously there's no way they are going to do that. so i guess, the only good news here is that i'll be back in Malaysia sooner than expected? yea, i'll just have to spend my time lazing around for the rest of summer like any other person instead of using it productively in helping other people in their research and gaining insightful experience for myself. now, i think i should be informing my lecturer who was so kind to be my referee, didn't want to disappoint her either, she was so positive and everything, but i guess it's my responsibility to at least inform her of the outcome. in any case, i can try again next year but i'm not going to put too high hopes in it. the only thing i can do is write a better, more impressive essay and i have the whole holidays to do that!

about BGR

is it always true that bf/gf and ex-s do not get along? is there something like a jealousy thing going on ? you know how friendster has this thing where you can see who's been looking up your profile? i was quite surprise who's been sneaking around! yea, but don't want to mention names here. sometimes when i think about it, i believe i have the answer to the question and here is my opinion. if the ex-s of your partner is your friend as well, then yes you'll still get along eventhough there may be some weird signals/feelings. but if the ex-s is that you do not know, then you'll be more curious to find out more about that person? just like you want to know how were they like as a couple or how are you like compared to the other. why are you trying to compare your life with another if things are already history? are you trying to make yourself feel better if you find out that you lead a better life than your ex? is that why you keep on asking questions about their life, every aspect of it? and why should he/she share their present life with you, a person from the past? it's not like things is the same anymore, you are not as important to he/she anymore, so why bother interfering in other people's life? the only thing you should be doing is hoping that your ex doesn't talk bad about you to his/her gf/bf or else you'll just get someone else who hates you for treating their partner like crap in the past. ah crappy!!

towards the end of semester

it is only two more weeks towards the end of semester and the exam season. so fast...time flies when you are busy catching up with life or work or anything at all. finally done with all the major assignments for this semester and time to get down to business. every sem, i complain that i do not have enough time to study, i need more time but sem after sem i seemed to do fine in the end. even so, each sem is getting harder so logically i should put in more effort in studies but i seemed to have developed a pretty bad habit. watching tv way too much for my own benefit. but hey, watching tv is like the reason for me to take time off from studying, not like i have been doing much study to begin with. even in my head now is what movie should i go watch on monday or tuesday when the movie tickets are cheap! ahaha!! also, just because i handed up my major project last friday, i have reason to laze till today! will try not to laze for so long though, time to catch up on studies...i think!?

easier to lie or tell the truth

is it fair to say that everyone fibs every once in a while, whether its a white lie or something more serious. do you think there's a necessity to tell lies? i, for one, thought that telling the truth is always the best, eventhough it may be something hurtful to the other but if one tells the truth, everything would work out better in the end rather than telling a lie because you don't one to hurt the other or jsut because you think it's better for everyone that the truth remains unheard. sometimes, i really don't know which is better. i was someone who believed in honestly all the way, but now i'm not too sure. sometimes, it really helps to tell a small lie, to avoid complications and all. my parents once told me that i should not be too honest in the way i communicate with others. they said that i would make more enemies if i were to talk about everything under the sky to anyone. but i guess here it means that i have to be more tactful when i talk to someone? i guess some things that is not important should just be left out of the conversation, things like, "yerr, how come your hair like that one?", "eww, you stink! you must have not taken your bath for days?", things like that, just a matter of expression. some people might take it hard, like as if you really mean it but i guess these kind of things doesn't hurt if not said in the first place. in a more serious note, you know how people should be honest all the way when they are in a relationship? here i mean friendship and any other sort of relationship as well. can one truly truly do that? "there's no secret between you and me" though it may work, but it would not last. even if you may be the most honest person in the world, others may still doubt your intentions. though some may think that telling a lie is easier than saying the truth but it's not always the case. although you may be lying for the benefit of others, as for me, i don't think i can completely past my own conscience and in the end i'll blabble out the truth. isn't that worst? to lie first and tell the truth later? this is how people loose trust in one another. when you think about it, if one can lie once, how can i be sure it would not happen again? that's kind of a scary thought actually. but anyhow,i guess it all depends on situation and past experience with the other, if you know that telling the truth would be devastating to the other, why not twist the fact a little, and unveal the truth bit by bit rather than just one go? if the other person is ever forgiving, then yes, it's better to tell the truth and nothing but the truth because deep inside you know that the other will forgive you no matter how bad the truth could be. but i believe no matter how forgiving the person could be, they would still hurt a lot deep down if you've done something totally unexpected although they may seem calm on the outside. such a noble being. i wish i could be like that, then i'll be able to accept the truth without feeling all down, angry, frustrated or agitated to the extend i wish i didn't know the truth. in the end, it's as hard to tell the truth as it is to tell a lie...

test or no test?

u know how we always dread about test and all, but come to think of it, sometimes it's better to have it than vice versa. it's like although u have to go through all the trouble to read all the notes that have been left untouched since the start of the sem, at least after the whole thing, u know that you are back on track. not lagging in studies and hopefully don't have to suffer as much when it comes to final knowing u've read through half of it for mid sem. as for my other subject, pharmacology, there's no test for it, so i'm kind of lagging in that subject, i hardly know what is what when i go for tutorials because i've not touch that subject since a long long time ago. now, i'm trying to keep up my studies for that subject but without test, i don't seem to be moving as fast as i could, i'm just taking my own sweet time. so i guess as for me, it's better to have test to keep me on my toes. what bout u?

is scientist not comparable to engineers?

what do you think? do you think it's really true that engineering is much harder than science? don't you think it's insulting to say that "ah, science only ma, so easy."? you know, it's not like i'm sensitive or something, but if science is so easy, then why don't you see so many people passing with excellent results? if science is so easy, why aren't there more scientists than engineers? i know science is not popular field to take, but i'm sure there's a need for scientists out there in the world. who's going to create new drugs or treatments to treat all those diseases affecting human beings all around the world? who's going to help when it comes to biosecurity, or biohazard measures? yea, no doubt, engineers are important too. i'm not denying that, but don't go and insult science right? ok, so medicine is some sort of science too, but people who take science cannot be compared to them is it? just because they learn more things doesn't mean they learn the things in as much details. scientist are the type of people who work like cows and get the least pay. so u better appreciate that and stop insulting us!

willy wonka is michael jackson?

for those who have watched charlie and the chocolate factory, did anyone mention to you that Johnny Depp is trying to potray himself as Michael Jackson? remember how he acted in Pirates and the Carribean and he was trying to potray his character as some i-forgot-his-name rock star? and more than one person had said to me that this time, JD playing the role of WIlly Wonka is trying to potray himself as Michael Jackson. noticed how he had unnecessary make up on his face that made him look very pale? MJ puts make up on his face too eventough he's already too fair to be a black. what else? the fact that WW mixes around with children is suppose to bring some resemblence too? so were they trying to tell us that MJ is not a child molestor or what so ever, he's just someone with bad childhood memories? you know how WW sort of had bad memories from the past that he grew up to be a weirdo? is that the message the director is trying to tell? cuz as i know, the part about his childhood thingy is not in the original willy wonka and the chocolate factory, i don't know about the book though. so what say you?

the mystery of the missing necklace

sounds like a catchy title huh? but this really happened to my hommie and i. here goes, once upon a time ago...well actually it happened yesterday. well, since tomorrow is a friend's birthday, we decided to go present hunting and since we decided on buying her some sort of accesory, we knew where to go. so we went walking all around the city without an exact place to look for it but after our long conquest, we decided on the exact necklace that we think would suit her well. so we went back to that shop to look for it, bought it, and went off. since we wanted to buy a matching earrings too, we decided to open the wrapped package. while walking away from the shop, across the street, i still couldn't open it so i passed it to my hommie. she managed to open the package while we were still walking then when it was fully opened, we couldn't find anything inside. we panicked, too shocked because we just walked for such a short distance, walked back and forth searching in vain with the thought that the necklace could have dropped off. it's not surprising that it would happen because it's just a piece of paper used as a wrapping. but we couldn't detect it, then we started thinking if the thing was in the wrapper in the first place. i don't know but i have a feeling it was, wouldn't it be weird if it was empty? so without any option left, we went back to the shop, wanted to ask if the person actually packed it in, it could be that she put it in the wrong pocket and it fell off before we even left the shop. then the person wasn't there but there was another kind lady. she asked us which one we bought, and she gave us a whole new one for FREE! and we thought we would have to buy another since nobody knows where the necklace went. we were so thankful, so speechless but yea, we thanked her over and over again! but she even said, if that happen again, don't come back. i guess we were lucky that the person who packed the thing wasn't there at that time because if she was, she could have said that she was sure she packed in it and that we definitely dropped it on our own. until now, we still don't know where the necklace is. think about it, if u were opening a package with a necklace in it, wouldn't u know that the necklace fell out if it did? because it's shiny, big and made of stones! there goes the story and the missing necklace that is still missing.

*as for Marianne, imagine walking from Accesorize near FCUK in Melbourne Central, across the street towards Sportgirl, then toward Max Brenner at Kikki K. then back out toward New Zealand Natural in the direction of Surf, Dive and Ski. how short of a distance is that?*

what is it about religion?

does it really matter what religion you are in? or whether you have a religion or not? as a friend said, "i believe a bit in everything". well, i sort of think myself as that way too. although my dad is supposingly a buddhist, i don't really think i can call myself a buddhist because i don't know much about the teachings nor do i go for any classes and the only thing i know is the story of how buddha came about. it's sort of the same as i know what Good Friday and Easter Sunday is about. I may not be christian but i do believe in god, the mighty one that determines our path of life and that everything happen for a reason, for better or worst. I may not be a christian but i pray, sometimes, for myself, family and friends. does it mean that the god that i believed exist, is the same god those of you believe in? to me, there's only one superior being, be it in a christian or muslim point of view. why do we have to make things so difficult? how people always say, christianity welcomes brothers and sisters regardless of their religion? how far do you think it's true? my friends went for some event carried out by one of the ocf, then the organizers were walking around asking about them about their religions and inviting them to join ocf and discover god etc. then when a friend said that she was muslim, they sort of ignored her there on. can't they just be polite eventough she has no chance to be brought into christianity? chinese people believe in hell, depending of how much sin you've done in your life, you'll end up in different levels of hell. but i believe in heaven too, i believe that if you've been good you'll end up in heaven, sounds like a nice place to be. but what is it about shows protraying things like, if you do not believe in god, or accept him in your life, then you cannot enter the gate of heaven? does it mean i have to be a christian to be accepted in heaven? does it mean i have to be a christian to have all my sins pardoned? i guess now you know why i do not want to be pressured into accepting a religion. it doesn't mean that if i do not believe in a particular religion, i'm a bad person does it? even buddhism is not really considered a religion, it's just a bunch of people who believe in the teaching of righteousness. don't condemn them just because they don't believe in god, or do they? why do i see kuan yin statues in buddhist temple? i'm thankful that i'm not easily influenced, or else i would have been converted due to peer pressure. i'm more than happy and willing to learn about god and stuff but i'm just not up to the pressure to do it by going to ocf or church. if god really wants me as his child, i'm sure he'll touch my heart and reach me one day. just the day is not today. do u still love me for who i am? well, even if u don't i love everyone of you regardless of your religion!

a bit about everything

* exactly one week ago i applied for a vacancy at freddo. for those of you in msia, it sort of our favourite gelati/ice cream shop on lygon. at first i thought i was supposed to go for an interview or something but apparently there were so many applicants and the owner just said to leave our resumes and they'll look for those who have the most suitable timing for the job. so i waited with anticipation but one week have passed and not a phone call from them. well, can't really blame them cause probably my resume had nothing that looked impressive? though she did say that we could give her a ring if we didn't hear from her but i'm too chicken to call.

* two weeks have passed since we were told about our biotech assignment that worth 5% and it's going to be due exactly one week after today. and the progress? just started finding materials this week and have been working hard to put the information in place. it's just like trying to incorporate the pieces of a puzzle. started off wanting to do something about a cow hormone called bovine somatotropin that increases the production of milk then ended up with the topic of biopolymer. it's a polymer made up of biological materials which is biodegradable. then now, going to use that information about biopolymer in the field of tissue engineering. any idea what's that about? somehow, those clever people in the biotechnology field came up with a biopolymer scaffold that can be impregnated with all sorts of molecules, enzymes, etc. to enhance the healing of a bone injury. so the purpose of using a biopolymer is so that when the body is in the process of recovery, it has a support to help and speed up the healing and the biopolymer scaffold will be degraded down by enzymes by the time the body generates new cells. tada! so what you think about that? tissue engineering versus cow's milk production?

* the weather had been very cold for the past few days but too bad it didn't snow in the city. we in melbourne complaining about the cold weather while those back in msia complaining about the haze. i guess being frozen is better than inhaling polluted air. i do hope that the haze back home disperse faster or else more people will fall sick especially those with asthma or any other types of respiratory problem. i also heard that there was hail in subang! how come it never hailed when i'm back there? was it due to the cloud seeding process? i remember how my mum or dad always uses the expression "if u actually did bla bla bla...malaysia also will snow already".

* besides, i think this cold cold weather is making me more lazy or is it just me finding reasons not to be hardworking? it's too cold to study because my hand will freeze and i can't write nor should i be able to type. and yes, my hands are also half frozen now. solution? stay in bed with notebook on lap to keep warm! *yawnz* there i go again, feeling sleepy as usual. adios!

motivation, no?

what's so special about this term? it seems like everyone insaf already. it's just the second week of the semester and there's so many people in the library. i wonder if they were doing last minute work or were they actually studying? how come everyone around me seemed to be so hardworking all of a sudden? imagine, i was in the library answering questions for my tute and the library tables were basically occupied. then i met a friend, she wanted to use a pharmacology book, which i was sure not many would borrow it because it's only a one day loan. to my surprise, i couldn't even find any of it on the shelves! another possibility could be that everyone was also doing last minute work answering the worksheet for today's tute but then again, can answer without the book also. another funny thing was that this friend of mine, she seems to be going for a lot of additional lectures for subjects that she's not enrolled in. so is she hardworking or too-free-nothing-to-do? then another friend, who's taking architecture, he was like reading materials way early of the sem, like the second day itself? well well, i've learn not to compare with people too much because there's so many people smarter than me in uni so as long as i do what i need to do to score within my standard, i'm happy. don't you know that too much competition among peers can be unhealthy? perhaps to the extend of boycotting that person because he/she claims to not study yet score well? anyways, some people are just born smarter than you so why don't you just accept the fact! and doesn't mean that if you are hardworking, you will score well either! as for my cousin, she's taking her spm this year i think, and she can study like the whole day, lock herself in the room, don't watch tv or anything but thankfully her effort is rewarded by good results. i seriously think that if she were to do badly in any of her papers, she could be mentally and physically depressed to the extent of i-do-not-dare-think-what-will-happen. conclusion? study yes, but have fun too! as for me, relax first, study or die later.

what do dreams mean?

someone once told me that when you dream of something, it means that you've been thinking about that particular thing throughout the day, perhaps something that worries you. also, i've heard that normally you only have dreams when you sleep more than the required hours of rest. but i've noticed that that's not always applicable because sometimes i dream even when i'm having a nap. i think it's better to sleep without dreaming because it seems to me that when u dream while you are resting, means that your brain is not really 'sleeping' with your body so you will wake up and still feel tired. and someone once told me that if you dream in colours, it means that you are a creative person or something? don't you all have dreams that are coloured? at least i know i do. i don't really know how to interpret dreams but it's funny how our minds incorporate many different things into one particular dream/sketch. i've always had jumbled up dreams so does it mean i'm a confused person. come to think of it, i am! my dreams are always jumping from one scene to another, from being in a 1st person view to a 3rd person view [it's as though i'm in a movie or something], from seeing X and next thing it's Y. at times, i know it's supposed to be some place but it looks nothing like the real thing. take for instance, the other day i dreamt about bringing a friend to a bookshop in aussie to look for the harry potter latest book because i told the friend it was cheap, but i know that the place was subang parade. nowhere near aussie huh? another silly thing i used to do when i was younger, to think of a person, recite the name and memory of that person for the whole day, hoping to dream of that person when i fall asleep. i tried this hoping to dream of my greatgrandma but all attempts were in vain. it was actually my grandma who told me if you think of a person so much, they will appear in your dreams. as for her, she always dream of her relatives, including my late grandpa, giving her 4D numbers! or else, what they do is to interpret the things that appeared in the dream and convert it to some particular number. have you seen such book? i have! so, when i say i dreamt of you, just accept it as "you're on my mind","i've thought about you recently", "i missed you" or something along those lines ya?

*for those of you who can't remember what you dreamt about when you wake up, try thinking about it the moment you wake up or tell someone, then you'll automatically remember the details of the dream*