learning to live

finally done with the last paper for the sem. comment? this time i really think i won't be able to score for the paper. normally i would be like if i can get the border line mark then moderation will bring it up. but this time, i don't think that would happen. everyone around me seemed to be having an easy time answering the paper and why did i seemed to ran out of time. i was so tired from studying last night with just four hours of sleep but i was still okay during the exam. when i was running out of time, i got panicked, i almost blanked out, i couldn't think but thankfully it came back a little, not all but a little. you know how we normally can't remember every single point for the particular question, i think i would be more than lucky to have answered 50% of what the question wanted. now that it's after the paper, i don't even have the confidence to tell myself i did alright because it sucked. some questions i was too hurried to do it, i just drew a diagram for it. now that H1 is no longer i my grip, please pray for me that i get H2. thank you!

after the paper was so depressed but since it was the last paper for the sem, decided to go out 'jalan-jalan' in the city. nothing much to do actually because it was already 4.30pm and shops in city closes at 6 something. dropped by the new DIESEL shop in Melbourne Central, it was big but not as cool as it looked on tv. on tv it looked like a store concepted to look like a club! anyways, went walking aimlessly to release frustration, sat down for a drink which i called for mango pudding with pearls but it came with milk tea as well. ~weird. then went for dinner and walked home, walked home with the scare that someone might rob us because recently there has been a lot of cases of 'robbery' near the place i stay. what's more there we only two of us walking home tonight, two gals with a shopping bag who looked like potential targets. all said, i'm safe at home now. no point feeling disappointed over something that's over so now i'll be trying to spend my remaining one week in Melbourne where there's going to be a lot of shopping to be done! ~yeahz!

quotes

i've read some funny advertisement in the newspaper the past days due to the qualifying soccer match Australia vs. Uruguay. here's are some version of the quotes;

# free acting lessons in Telstra dome - referring to the fact that the soccer players always like to exaggerate that they were seriously injured by the opponent when there were just mere physical contacts

# Australia Socceroos vs Uruguay 'diving team' - at first i didn't know what that meant but eugene explained to me that 'diving' is a term referring to the action of the player trying to fake that they were injured even when there was not much contact by the opponent or sometimes they just run towards the opponent trying to 'cheat' the referee into believing it was the opponent's fault.

a line taken from the Hindi movie with so-called famous Indian actress that i spent three hours watching and not having an ending that i had anticipate;

"true love is about sacrifices"

my blog should be purple?

ah, i like purple too! but i'm just too stupid to change the code for myself and i like simplicity so white will do just fine for me thanks!

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

malaysian students mentality

we've been growing up with this mentality since as long as i can remember. it's not like the government didn't try to incorporate co-curricular activities into the education system, just that it wasn't really successful. you know how we were 'forced' to join like at least three clubs or something during high school, we would try to choose clubs that are not so active so that we don't have to get too involved or some would choose clubs that no one joins so that they can hold a position in the club and gain more credits. one club which was totally manipulated by those 'genius' is the bomba club! i remembered that so many of my classmates and friends joined that club and basically 'sapu' all the positions available. not only did they not have meetings but they earn all those additional points. unlike me, i was so-called editor for the interact club and i enjoyed fulfilling my responsibilities but because there's no such position in the outline, i only gained the same amount of points as any other ordinary member. besides that, in form 3, a number of us joined the chess club just to gain attendance mark. we would go there and instead of playing chess, played dam for less than half an hour and tell the teacher in charge that we had to open the 'koperasi' and she would sign our cards to show that we were present even for a while. in the matter of academic, the teachers always tell us that we would not be successful, get the job we want if we don't do well in high school. if you don't do well in high school then you won't be able to get into tertiary institutions. we've been drilled to score well since we were young, so if they suddenly tell us that we need to be active in other activities and good results just isn't enough, what they expect us to do? rewind time and go back to school and try to be more active in sports? actually, being active in co-curricular activities in school is just the beginning. even in uni, there's still a lot of chance to improve upon your leadership, communication skills etc. unfortunately, many people join clubs in uni because of the discounts they offer by just becoming a member. sometimes they even have to drag strangers to go to their meeting because it is the requirement to have at least 50 people in a club meeting. even now, i still think that it is important to get good results, you don't see someone who doesn't have excellent scores but active getting into the deans list, do you? also, when you go for a job interview, you would first be considered for the job based on your academic performance. then the added advantage that put you above other applicants would be that you have exceptionally impressive people and communication skills. however, as for me, no matter what i do, i'll still be working for JPA with the same pathetic low pay no matter i have good results or good social skills. that is unless they ran out of job and i have to look for my own job then i'm dead! there's not much potential for biotechnology in Malaysia, well at least that's how it looks like for now. it's not like the biotechnology sector will boom overnight right? study hard or play hard? ~ponderz

eww...gross!

what kind of time is this in melbourne? there so many insects everywhere!! where did they come from? my goodness, i'm surprised at how many there is in my room!! just shoo-ed a moth out of my room. hmm...i wonder, what are those insects attracted too? could it be they are attracted to light, like the ones back home? but the problem is i'm hardly in my room, what more turning on the light. ah, maybe they like dark dark place instead? whatever it is, as long as they don't poo everywhere in my room can already. ~ponderz

distractions

although so far i've been complaining that i'm too slow in my studying, thankfully it's still within the time frame that i allow myself to laze. i know it's kind of little to just do 7 lectures a day but somehow i still only managed to reach the target and not do more than that. i always find reasons for myself not to study. i know i still have quite some time left, since i have 5 days each for the last two papers. that's is also why i haven't touch those two subjects because i think 5 days is enough? i hope so, because i've been so lazy that i wouldn't be able to touch that two subjects now even if i want to. what's worst, i can't seem to remember the things that i read! the only thing i can do now is go through everything and hopefully try to recall as much as i can the day before the exams. i don't know why but i'm worried about my biotech paper. apparently, if i crap in the question, i might get penalized for that because the way the lecturer marks is upside down from other people. he sees where you've missed out or stated incorrectly and minus one mark for every mistake. you know how we're used to crapping all we want then they'll give you marks for the points you've identified correctly? well, this is like the total opposite! anyways, hopefully if i just get the borderline mark for all the questions i'll still be able to get good results? kind of eagerly waiting for the lecturer to return our assignment so that if i do well i don't have to stress so much, but if i don't then die!! haven't been going to the library the past few days, too lazy, too sleepy, not in the mood to study. even if i reach the library, i'll feel sleepy! but hanging around at home is not good either, too many distractions. i can't concentrate with my bed just beside me, my eyes feels blurry [i think my vision worsen again], tv on the whole night and snacks, i need snacks!

on another matter, while i was onlining just now, wasting time as usual, i read upon a funny news in The Star. it said that people in singapore are putting the criteria that they don't want maids with mole! isn't that bizarre! their excuse is that maids with mole have a greater tendency to do something bad to their employer i.e. kill them? what's kind of nonsense is that? so if i can't get a job when i graduate i can't be a maid either? ahaha!! i've heard many versions of people with mole has a big appetite, are talkative etc etc but nothing related to murder. i don't believe i have a greater tendency to kill as the rest of you except if you're talking about creepy flying crockroaches! ~yikez

wasting time

it's 9.14 am and i was woke up from bed because my eye is still bengkak...yes, only one side. last night it was so irritated i could barely open my eyes so i couldn't do any studying and had to lay there with my eyes close. today, it's a little bit better but still quite irritated and more bengkak then yesterday. look like as if i cried whole night but it's kind of true because each time i opened my eye it teared. now that i'm awake it stopped tearing but it's getting irritated again. what a waste of time and i thought it was just a normal irritation because sometimes when you rub your eyes too much [which i didn't] or when dust goes in, it becomes red but after a while [a night sleep is quite long actually] it gets well! but when i woke up, it was bengkak! so now have to go see doctor but the only doctor appointment available is at 3 pm. what am i suppose to do from now to then? close eyes and lay there being useless again? close also painful open also painful, how now!? what's more, i seriously think i might be getting down with a flu.

*fight those nasty germs, antibodies! and i hope you win the battle!! fight fight!

'fever' or flu?

the exam 'fever' in beginning to affect me. i don't understand why because it's not like i've been studying for several hours a day also. today my eye sight is extremely bad and my eyes feel really dry that it hurts a little. two to three days of walking under the showers and one evening of sitting in the dusty, pollen-ey wind made me a little sick. my nose feels a little stuffy at times but other times it's ok. i keep telling myself exam is a long way to go. either it's because of that that i'm studying so slow or the fact that i can't really remember what i read that is making me not motivated to study so fast. anyways, i just hope this early reading-through-all-the-lectures-that-i've-missed-out routine would come in handy when i actually start memorizing later. it's better to have in your head that, 'yes, i know it's in my lecture somewhere' rather than 'did we really study that?', right? i don't think i've slept so much for a very long time. the thought that i need to study makes me feel sleepy, plus blurry and itchy eyes and stuffed up nose...good symptoms to sleep more huh? but i've already slept for like 10 hours last night! study fay lin study! ~ish

good things do come my way

once in a while, good things do come my way. i was so worked up thinking of what other subjects i could enrol for next year if i didn't get into the one i initial planned. it was my mistake actually, to not look carefully at the prerequisites but i do admit it was quite confusing. in the end i had to ask the subject coordinator what it actually meant in the handbook. then i had to correspond with him through email for two days because everytime either he answers too vague or i just forgot the thing i'm suppose to attach to the email. all in all, i'm quite sure the coordinator is one fine guy. at least he replies my email fast! not like the case of my hommie, she wants to enrol in so many subjects that she doesn't have the prerequisite for but she's unlucky enough to bump into a mean coordinator. what's more that coordinator is the lecturer that many of us dislike because he is not much of a help in lab sessions. so obviously, she got turned down and she doesn't know what she wants to take now. as for me, after all the hassle, it's an approval!! the coordinator said that eventhough i didn't take a prerequisite subject, but he would be 'very happy' to enrol me in thanks to my results. proves the point that i'm not that stupid after all? yea...so now i don't need to worry i can't get into subjects that i want. but wait, now have to check if got timetable clash...darn!

are you really 'away'?

i've noticed for some time that whenever i on my msn, at least 9 out of 10 of the people who are online has the status of 'away' or 'busy'. i really think that people have really misused the status thing, especially saying that you are away but you're actually there. if you are there and you don't want people to disturb you, just be offline or something. yea, msn is not like icq where you can choose to be invisible to certain and visible to others. but the point of having msn is so that friends can keep in touch with you right? hmm...does it mean if you put your status as away, it means that friends can msg you whenever they want and you'll somehow receive it some other time of the day? or you just simply don't want people to msg you at all? mine would be the former but at least when i say i'm away, i'm not anywhere near the computer! or you could be like me, when you msg someone who is 'away' just ask if there are actually there or not!?

another excerpt from the past

everywhere i look, there are always things that reminds me of you. is it selfish of me to keep it or perhaps i should return everything to you? but a gift will always be a gift right? i should keep and cherish it right? are you doing the same, i doubt it though? but sometimes, when i look at them, it reminds me of you. is it wrong for me to think about our 'relationship'? what am i to you now, i truly wonder? do you hate me, does she hate me? what did you actually tell the rest of the world? is it really my fault that we're no longer close? but for everything to work out, it takes two. sometimes i think if i made a mistake, humans are so vulnerable and they are too quick to make a decision. at other times, i think it's for the best, for you and perhaps for me. but i am never sure, i've never been sure with any decision that i make. i may think that it's for the best but you may think otherwise. are you too good to deserve a friend like me? you were perfect, too perfect of a person that i was afraid to accept that fact, i don't deserve it, i really don't. i'm happy for you, happy that you are where you are now. i was too much of a burden, you were just too nice, to tolerate my behaviour. and no, i wasn't using you, as least i didn't intend to. i hope you didn't think that our friendship was just a way for me to get what i want, it wasn't. was it destined that our path crossed, i truly hope that's true? if that's the case then there must be a reason for things to happen the way it is. why am i so curious about what's happening in your life? do i even have the rights to know? my dearest friend...you're truly cherished.

reasons why people think i'm cute

actually, i don't think i need to list it down because there's only few obvious reasons why people think i'm cute. first it's because i'm short! how often do you hear someone refer to a tall person as cute? tall people are normally handsome or pretty, not cute. then another factor is that i have a 'big' head! ahaha!! don't you think my head is big in proportion to my body? yea, that's what eugene came up with. evil huh!? so with my 'huge' head, short body, and childish act, people think of me as a cartoon character. you know, cartoon characters are cute for the similar reason i think? maybe i'm sort of like a whale too, big head but small brain! funny trying to imagine me as a whale huh? but anyways, i'm sure some people might think that i'm ugly or simply short! but who cares, i can't grow anymore and no, i don't mix with short people so i look tall! i have too many tall friends actually! they make me look shorter! ~ciz

do i imitate?

do i imitate the way people write on their blog? do i imitate their layout because it's just too nice? yea,i admit i do tend to imitate a little, just a little. more on mimicking their layout than the way they write. i don't learn codes and i don't think i'll ever master it but at least i'm learning by trying to alter a code i obtain to my liking! yea, trial and error until finally get something right. don't have that much time to learn how to write my own code actually. then when come holidays, i don't even write entries, what more learn codes right? i'm not a good writer either, so no matter if i try to write like other bloggers, i won't be able to write something as insightful as theirs. sometimes, i even have to open office words to check if i spelt things correctly. just self-concious i guess? but at other times, i couldn't be bothered at all. ok, the birthday wish kind of thing, definitely copy from marianne one! but then how can i not let the whole world know that it's a day worth celebrating for someone special? yea, not purposely copy one ya? i wish i could write something more informative, or opinionated but i have to accept the fact that i'm not a person with big words. as we say in bm, 'bahasa yang berbunga-bunga'! i've always believe that i don't have to write with words that i don't know, as long as i write simple but understandable english, i'll be able to pass my test. yea, even if i write academic essay now, even small kids can understand!! so i conclude that i'm not as good as others in all this sort of things so there's no way i'm actually imitating them! =)

a note for someone special

to that someone special, i would like to wish you a very happy birthday and may your birthday be a memorable one. you've reach 'adulthood' like many of us but that doesn't mean you are mature at all? ahaha!! also, may your birthday be filled lots of sweet delights [cakes that are meant to be eaten not thrown on your face]! hopefully by the time i come back, you'll still be 'visible' to me!! take care!

*addition* congratulations on your very happy news! what a way to start off this wonderful, glorious day!!

disappointment

as the title said, i'm a little disappointed today. there was one program that i applied to and was hoping to be selected but the news came today and said that i was not selected for this round. actually i was already thinking what i should be doing if i got selected since i've booked my plane ticket and i wouldn't be going back if i got the part. but there! dilemma solved! not in a good way though, i wonder what is it in me that they didn't find outstanding? is my results not good enough? or my essay sucked big time? even if it did, it was what i felt but apparently things didn't seem to catch their attention. my resume not impressive enough? too many candidates that are far more outstanding than me? i wish they would tell me why but obviously there's no way they are going to do that. so i guess, the only good news here is that i'll be back in Malaysia sooner than expected? yea, i'll just have to spend my time lazing around for the rest of summer like any other person instead of using it productively in helping other people in their research and gaining insightful experience for myself. now, i think i should be informing my lecturer who was so kind to be my referee, didn't want to disappoint her either, she was so positive and everything, but i guess it's my responsibility to at least inform her of the outcome. in any case, i can try again next year but i'm not going to put too high hopes in it. the only thing i can do is write a better, more impressive essay and i have the whole holidays to do that!

about BGR

is it always true that bf/gf and ex-s do not get along? is there something like a jealousy thing going on ? you know how friendster has this thing where you can see who's been looking up your profile? i was quite surprise who's been sneaking around! yea, but don't want to mention names here. sometimes when i think about it, i believe i have the answer to the question and here is my opinion. if the ex-s of your partner is your friend as well, then yes you'll still get along eventhough there may be some weird signals/feelings. but if the ex-s is that you do not know, then you'll be more curious to find out more about that person? just like you want to know how were they like as a couple or how are you like compared to the other. why are you trying to compare your life with another if things are already history? are you trying to make yourself feel better if you find out that you lead a better life than your ex? is that why you keep on asking questions about their life, every aspect of it? and why should he/she share their present life with you, a person from the past? it's not like things is the same anymore, you are not as important to he/she anymore, so why bother interfering in other people's life? the only thing you should be doing is hoping that your ex doesn't talk bad about you to his/her gf/bf or else you'll just get someone else who hates you for treating their partner like crap in the past. ah crappy!!

towards the end of semester

it is only two more weeks towards the end of semester and the exam season. so fast...time flies when you are busy catching up with life or work or anything at all. finally done with all the major assignments for this semester and time to get down to business. every sem, i complain that i do not have enough time to study, i need more time but sem after sem i seemed to do fine in the end. even so, each sem is getting harder so logically i should put in more effort in studies but i seemed to have developed a pretty bad habit. watching tv way too much for my own benefit. but hey, watching tv is like the reason for me to take time off from studying, not like i have been doing much study to begin with. even in my head now is what movie should i go watch on monday or tuesday when the movie tickets are cheap! ahaha!! also, just because i handed up my major project last friday, i have reason to laze till today! will try not to laze for so long though, time to catch up on studies...i think!?

easier to lie or tell the truth

is it fair to say that everyone fibs every once in a while, whether its a white lie or something more serious. do you think there's a necessity to tell lies? i, for one, thought that telling the truth is always the best, eventhough it may be something hurtful to the other but if one tells the truth, everything would work out better in the end rather than telling a lie because you don't one to hurt the other or jsut because you think it's better for everyone that the truth remains unheard. sometimes, i really don't know which is better. i was someone who believed in honestly all the way, but now i'm not too sure. sometimes, it really helps to tell a small lie, to avoid complications and all. my parents once told me that i should not be too honest in the way i communicate with others. they said that i would make more enemies if i were to talk about everything under the sky to anyone. but i guess here it means that i have to be more tactful when i talk to someone? i guess some things that is not important should just be left out of the conversation, things like, "yerr, how come your hair like that one?", "eww, you stink! you must have not taken your bath for days?", things like that, just a matter of expression. some people might take it hard, like as if you really mean it but i guess these kind of things doesn't hurt if not said in the first place. in a more serious note, you know how people should be honest all the way when they are in a relationship? here i mean friendship and any other sort of relationship as well. can one truly truly do that? "there's no secret between you and me" though it may work, but it would not last. even if you may be the most honest person in the world, others may still doubt your intentions. though some may think that telling a lie is easier than saying the truth but it's not always the case. although you may be lying for the benefit of others, as for me, i don't think i can completely past my own conscience and in the end i'll blabble out the truth. isn't that worst? to lie first and tell the truth later? this is how people loose trust in one another. when you think about it, if one can lie once, how can i be sure it would not happen again? that's kind of a scary thought actually. but anyhow,i guess it all depends on situation and past experience with the other, if you know that telling the truth would be devastating to the other, why not twist the fact a little, and unveal the truth bit by bit rather than just one go? if the other person is ever forgiving, then yes, it's better to tell the truth and nothing but the truth because deep inside you know that the other will forgive you no matter how bad the truth could be. but i believe no matter how forgiving the person could be, they would still hurt a lot deep down if you've done something totally unexpected although they may seem calm on the outside. such a noble being. i wish i could be like that, then i'll be able to accept the truth without feeling all down, angry, frustrated or agitated to the extend i wish i didn't know the truth. in the end, it's as hard to tell the truth as it is to tell a lie...

test or no test?

u know how we always dread about test and all, but come to think of it, sometimes it's better to have it than vice versa. it's like although u have to go through all the trouble to read all the notes that have been left untouched since the start of the sem, at least after the whole thing, u know that you are back on track. not lagging in studies and hopefully don't have to suffer as much when it comes to final knowing u've read through half of it for mid sem. as for my other subject, pharmacology, there's no test for it, so i'm kind of lagging in that subject, i hardly know what is what when i go for tutorials because i've not touch that subject since a long long time ago. now, i'm trying to keep up my studies for that subject but without test, i don't seem to be moving as fast as i could, i'm just taking my own sweet time. so i guess as for me, it's better to have test to keep me on my toes. what bout u?

is scientist not comparable to engineers?

what do you think? do you think it's really true that engineering is much harder than science? don't you think it's insulting to say that "ah, science only ma, so easy."? you know, it's not like i'm sensitive or something, but if science is so easy, then why don't you see so many people passing with excellent results? if science is so easy, why aren't there more scientists than engineers? i know science is not popular field to take, but i'm sure there's a need for scientists out there in the world. who's going to create new drugs or treatments to treat all those diseases affecting human beings all around the world? who's going to help when it comes to biosecurity, or biohazard measures? yea, no doubt, engineers are important too. i'm not denying that, but don't go and insult science right? ok, so medicine is some sort of science too, but people who take science cannot be compared to them is it? just because they learn more things doesn't mean they learn the things in as much details. scientist are the type of people who work like cows and get the least pay. so u better appreciate that and stop insulting us!