alone

i've always have people been around me all the time and this few days being the only person in the house, onlining with not many people to talk to, not being able to make a phone call because don't have a phone card, not getting reply for sms', not having someone you can call at any time of the day, not having someone who you can just say you hate them for no apparent reason etc. i seriously wonder, would i be able to survive alone? i've become so dependent, dependent on having people around. whether it's just their presence, or their conversations, or their irritations, or their physical and verbal support. i wonder how people actually live a life by themselves? they must have been really strong individuals. i have four more days to go and seeing that everyone's going back one by one just makes me wanna go back more. can't wait. really bored and lonely here that i have to call people to teman me go out or else i think i'll go nuts! well, at least still got roy who teman me to watch happy feet! great movie particularly loved the penguins. i think gloria's the cutest one when she was a small lil penguin.

well, i can always go out alone on a shopping spree but shopping can be fun for a day or two not the whole week. i can actually occupy my time by packing up my stuff but i'm too lazy and i don't see much to pack as i'm still using most of the stuff. ehehe...a lot of reasoning huh? or i could watch tv all day but heck tv's just an idiot box, i got bored even watching tv! *yawn*

do u like it roasted or toasted

yes. very very very HOT! HOT! burning HOT! no i'm not referring to me, i'm referring to the weather. "P today i think got reach like 38 degrees and even the wind was HOT. no longer the cool summer days that i mentioned before on my msn. and tomorrow's gonna be like that again! the only thing that bugs me is that my place got no air cond and too much window space so even if i close the windows and the blinds i can still feel the heat. maybe i should say that thankfully i'm still going in for work or else i'll be toasted in my own home. but heck, even going to work also i need to walk rite? walking under the scourching sun equals roasted me! so, do u like it roasted or toasted? i hate both! sometimes walk under the sun feel like want to pengsan like that. plus the sun shining so bright with the smoke due to bushfire making my eyes dry and tired. talking about dry, today was so HOT and dry that when i accidentally scraped my hand on the bench, it started bleeding non stop. now it hurts badly, not one finger but two fingers. bleh. tomorrow last day of work d, cuz everyone else is going off for christmas and new year holiday. so from tomorrow nite onwards, i'm as free as a bird! shopping shopping shopping! hopefully not too warm so i can shop peacefully. wait, not for myself but for those people back home mind you. ehehe. spending money like water just because i'm earning an income. ")

on another matter, super excited! planning for our potluck christmas 'party'! for those of us who are here without family to celebrate with. should be fun! with loads of yummy food hopefully. as for me, i'm gonna be preparing chocolate fondue because my love bought me the chocolate fountain machine, choccy! *grinz*

jingle bells jingle bells

most heard christmas song this year has got to be jingle bells. first i hear it so much from this dolls that eugene bought, they apparently can harmonize to each other, a reindeer, a santa, and a snowman. though not too bad but due to the fact that it's made in china it's not as harmonious as it should be. then i heard jingle bells played by this old man outside lygon court whom we always give money to. then when we walked cross him he actually played a chinese song! and he even look like he already has the christmas spirit, seldom see him smile so joyfully! then today when i was christmas pressie hunting, heard it being played at melbourne central. i think maybe the song is catchy cuz you don't hear other songs much and maybe it might be too hard for children to sing along. talking about christmas coming soon, planning planning, hopefully our christmas party in the planning will work out!

on another note, do u think u have any siblings luckier than my brother? where got ppl got sister that go shopping for stuff to buy for her brother that she don't even go shopping for herself? ;)

away for the weekend

did you know? the irresponsible-not-organized lady called me yesterday and she told me got last minute people told her they can't make it so she called me and a friend to replace them just yesterday and the camp is today. i have yet to pack and am suppose to be meeting eugene soon who is about to finish his last paper in 10 minutes time. but of course i have to let you guys know that i won't be around during this weekend rite? ahaha..what if you're wondering how come never see me online or something? anyways. so i'll be away for camp until sunday. then i'll be starting work on monday. till then, cya and take care! will tell you more when i come back from camp because this will be my first time experience doing something like this. hopefully everything goes well!

is it the end?

wow. can't believe it's all finally over! hopefully it won't be some time soon that i will ever have to take exams ever again! better still if never ever again! yes. i'm graduating! unofficially i mean. end of third year of my degree but will be continuing with honours next year. so i'll prolly just gatal and graduate twice! cuz this year is with my friends who may or may not do honours while next year would be with my family around! it seems like it's going to be forever before i actually 'graduate'. as i've mentioned many times before, if you want to achieve something in the field of science particularly my interest is in research, i would have to at least get a Phd to be able to do independent research and not forever be a technical assistant or something. so if i were to continue on from next year, i would only be graduating when i'm 27 or 28! so old! ehehe. we'll see.

now that it's all over, i'm bored again. i have nothing better to do. was suppose to volunteer for a camp but they don't want me! irresponsible-not-organized-lady whom i told once upon a time ago and she agreed, i emailed her yesterday for the details and she tell me it's full! what the...!!but nvm, it's for the better i guess, i already have back up plan for the weekends.

my only task now is to go to work. and go shopping! no no, not shop for myself. have to think of things to buy for my brother. he demands that i buy stuff home for him but the thing is that he never say what kinda things he wants! "anything nice" is the only guideline i was given. while i'm at that, anyone else wants anything from aussie? =P

physical state of mind

firstly, i would like to update you on the condition of my 'accident'. and yes, it have developed into two small ulcers and two huge extremely painful ones. not only that, since yesterday i've been feeling that the back of my gum where the wisdom tooth is suppose to come out, it's a bit swollen. looks all normal but feels damn weird. the fact is that none of my wisdom teeth are out so i wouldn't know what to expect if it's going to come out. now comtemplating whether to just go to the chemist for painkillers or go see the dentist and waste 50 bucks to see if it's just an infection. perhaps it's due to the stress of not sleeping well and i'm halfway through exams? i'm not sure either. but i think the swelling from my gum is affecting my head. i'm having this terrible headache whenever i lie down and sometimes i have to stop what i'm doing for a while cuz i feel a lil dizzy. what's happening to me man!

i have like 6 days to study for two subjects. i can't be falling sick now. plus if my wisdom tooth is growing, what better timing huh! i need wisdom not a wisdom tooth! sheez. should i go see a dentist to make sure? or just take a painkiller for the headache so i can study?

whatever it is, i'm not gonna be doing much tonight. been watching tv. just finished my second paper today and i think i deserve a rest!

p/s: even right now, my head is 'banging'. any other things that could cause it besides the tooth theory?

stupid me

yes. yet another stroke of stupidity. can't believe it man. how can i bite myself so hard that now there's a huge bloody mark on my lower lip. cannot imagine? maybe this would help.

it's really huge for a bite that was done unintentionally by my stupid self. hopefully it doesn't turn into a huge ulcer then i wouldn't be able to talk again. or maybe i can look like angelina jolie? cannot drink hot drinks also after more bengkak. have u met anyone as stupid as me?

exams in 4

first paper in another 4 days. can't believe it man. it's already my last sem. though it's honours next year, but there won't be any paper exams anymore! yet, last sem still have 4 papers to take. i dunoe why i'm not feeling very very stressed up yet. hmm. is that a good thing or bad thing? anyways, will be busy until the 21st Nov. take care till then! prayers for 10, 13, 20, 21 Nov greatly appreciated! for a clear and focused mind! god bless y'all!

life's insane

life's insane when you're a uni student. i've always been a last-minute-person but this is by no way comparison to anything that i've done man! saturday i researched for material to write up my lab report. wasn't in the mood so i went to watch movie instead. movie was good though infernal affair was better because i rather see Andy Lau and Tony Leong than Leonardo and Matt Damon. so anyways, supposed to start writing my report after the movie and wasn't planning to sleep until i finish it. but the piggy me, haven't even finish writing intro cannot tahan already. so went to bed and woke up early the next day to continue writing. already behind time and only managed to finish writing the 1500 words report in less than a day. next, [did i mention that i was way behind time?] had to start studying for a test on Tuesday for things that i'm not even sure i understood in lectures. half semester of lectures to cover from Sunday night till Tuesday morning. it was insane but do to hard work and dedication [despite the time where i keep napping every 2 hours of studying] i managed to read through all the materials. test was today, in the afternoon and by evening we got back our essay test paper. efficient huh? wat to do, last week of sem so they wanted to give it back to us as quickly as possible as feedback. for the first time in my entire uni life, i actually got 0 for a question! siao eh! 0/6 that's a lot man. i was kinda surprise that the lecturer didn't even give me a pity mark. for trying so hard to answer a question that i wasn't even sure what they were asking. in the end, the answer was actually very simple. and we blamed it on the way he phrased the question. yeah. many other got either 0 for not trying or 1 for a right sentence. but i had to emphasize again that i got zero for writing half page of answer. =( i haven't crapped so much in a paper since management in second year man! but hey, no complain here, life's insane but what you expect from studying bioinformatics in less than a day? got another report due which i was supposed to do tonight but i'm feeling pretty drained up. wanna go sleep and prolly wake up early in the morning again. now you know why i'm online at weird hours? cya!

what is it.

is it good. or is it bad. that we think alike. that the only solution we can think of is the same. but it's not as easy as we think. if only. if only some things did not happen. if only some things happen. we're holding on. onto a broken dream. is it time to wake up to the world. to reality. maybe i just want to continue dreaming. things are always perfect in dreams. the place we meet. for those far away. in dreams.

do i think too much?

sometimes i really think i think too much. if u don't know yet, yes, i can be really complicated. in terms of what's happening in my life, in my past. it always ends up being the same thing again and again. i wonder if i could ever get over it? i hate it when i start thinking and thinking and one things lead to another, then end up, wide awake in bed. i hate that feeling. i hate being uncertain of things. i hate having doubts. if only everything is as clear as the sky! wait a minute, even the sky is not clear! i wonder, if i could get on with my life with the clouds surrounding my past. i truly wonder.

ok. maybe it's the the me thinking too much here.

It was three AM
when you woke me up
And we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go
Just to get away
We talked about our lives
Until the sun came up
And now I'm thinking about
How I wish I could go back
Just for one more day
One more day with you
Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
Ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All I want is one more day
Now I'm sittin here, like we used to do
I think about my life and how now there's nothing I won't do
Just for one more day
One more day with you

where do i belong?

have you ever wonder, how can you tell if you friends are being truthful with you? in other words are they really your 'true' friends? i can't help but wonder. it's not like i'm a hypocrite or something but i do have friends who have qualities that i don't agree with but yet i'm friends with them. it's not like i have anything against them just because they're the way they are. but those are friends whom i'm not so close with so you just can't say right to their face what you don't like about them. now, my point is that what about close friends? those that you've known for ages, best buddies, your inner circle of friends? how well do you actually know them? do they have something that they don't like about you but they just keep silent over the years? sometimes i feel like i don't really belong. yes, we may be friends, assumingly close friends but till the time you tell me when you're sad because you're having problems, the fact that you thought about me when you're in time of need, till then i know i mean something to you. and that would mean a lot to me, to belong. i don't think the point of us corresponding through email about our daily life, uni life, working life etc. is good enough a justification of how close we are. even when we're face to face, sometimes i feel like we're just trying too hard to catch up and that's about it. no time for intimate details. then the worst is how some in the group are closer one or two so you end up telling stuff to some but not the rest. i feel like i'm always in the latter. where do i belong?

mission: muffin

muffin mission = success!

don't believe it's the first time that i'm baking muffins leh? ahaha...obviously i choose to take picture of the nicer looking ones la. but of course all of it taste the same, with lotsa tender loving care. can you resist it? orange muffins with millions of white and dark chocolate chips? yumz! for those in malaysia who are less fortunate, too bad! i can't sent it back home to you rite? nvm, ask someone closer to you to bake things with love for you ya? sorry i can't be of assistance. ~chaoz

delicious-ly tempting

i have this... now i'm thinking of getting this...

winter spring summer

sometimes i can't really tell what is the season now. one day it's freaking cold even when the sun is out, then another day it's as if summer's already here! other days it's just plan windy and when i say windy i really mean the wind is so strong that i actually have to stop walking just in case i lose my balance. just the other day i was actually strucked/attacked/whacked by the sand/dust blown towards my direction on a really windy night! lesson to learn while in melbourne, never trust what you see outside your room window nor how the wind felt like when you stick your hand out. always check the weather before you head out and estimate what time you'll be heading home because you may be going out on a bright and sunny warm day but coming back to a cold and windy night. so always be prepared for the worst. thank goodness i wore my jacket out today. *winkz

counting the blessings

i consider myself quite lucky. okay, i'm not too sure if 'lucky' is the right word to use but i think we all know what it means right? well, everytime when i bump into someone and they ask me where i'm going and when i say i'm off to work then the conversation would continue with something like that:

x: oh, where are you working?
me: at st.vincents [noticed puzzled look on x's face]...in the medical lab.
x: cool! how did you get a job there!? [it's just something about science students and working in labs]
me: i got it under UROP
x: hey! i applied for that too but i only managed to get to the interview stage.

plus, it's always as if someone up there knows about my inner thought because everytime when i just think of how boring work is and i rather do something that sit down and get paid for doing nothing and learning nothing, miraculously the lab manager or the supervisor would be talking about what they thought of getting me to do! i'm grateful because i seriously going to lost motivation if i have nothing to do! so yeah, just today i was given my mini-project to do! excited! don't have to fill pipette tips everyday already. don't have to sit down and do nothing. don't have to walk aimlessly looking for something to do!

meeting up with the JPA officer, our sponsor, next week. i'm sure everyone back in Malaysia has heard about the increment in the allowance for scholarship students right? yeah, so that another good news but too bad it doesn't make much difference to me because my accomodation is expensive so in the end i get back almost the same amount. at least other people who are living in the suburb or something they'll have a better living standard thanks to the rise. another thing is that the Higher Education Minister of Malaysia, Dato Mustapa Mohamad announced during his visit to Melbourne that those that are still in primary or secondary school doesn't need to pay examination fees anymore! hip hip hooray! i'm happy for all my little cousins because since there are so many of them, it would safe the family a lot of money. by the way, i think there's some association of malaysian + free food/stuff = attendance! or at least it seems that way because everytime someone from Malaysia comes to visit us students, they'll always provide meal or refreshment. typical Malaysians?

long awaited holiday approaching soon! i was so eager for this holiday break because i think we've been taking in so much of learning stuff and a well deserved break. but i just realized that i have that major assignment due right after the holidays. can't believe when the holidays is over it's almost October! still, no complains there! have so much things ahead of me but heck, let's take it as it comes!

also, now that i'm working, i feel like i can enjoy myself more. yes, money is not everything but with that extra income i'm able to pamper myself a little. in the first place i'm proud to say that i don't need my parents to sent me money because i'm always a good gal, trying not to spend more than what i get but it's quite impossible yet i was still surviving very well because of the money i saved from 1st year. it's like the longer we are here, the more willing we are to spend money unlike 1st year where could u believe i only spend on average 50 dollars per week? thanks so much for this opportunity to earn some extra cash and experience at the same time! no one can ask for a better deal than this! can you?

i'm grateful to have such a lovely grandma. i truly believe that my inspiration and motivation to do research in the science field is because of her. i'm proud to tell lecturers that my main interest is research in the diseases of the 'ageing' population. i want every grandma and grandpa in the world, at least maybe in the future, to age gracefully, enjoying their every moment embrassing their grandchildren and actively spending their carefree days in good health. it saddens me to see some who become frail because of arthritis/osteoperosis/stroke and the worst is alzheimer's. hopefully sometime in the future, every grandma and grandpa in the world don't have to suffer no more! i know, even lecturers said that the field of science and research is not about making money, scientist are not rich and they'll hardly be. the main thing is the passion you have for the work you do. so my piece of advice, if you want to be rich, don't study science. take anything else but science. seriously, if you're just about wanting to earn big bucks the fastest way possible, don't take science. don't you realised that most of your science lecturer are super old and they've been doing their research in the field for millions of year?

right here waiting for you

Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought we'd last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I cant get near you now
Oh cant you see it baby
You got me going crazy

I wonder how we can survive this romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance...

whenever i hear this song, i have this sad feeling within me. what can i say, i'm just an emotional gal.

to blog or not to blog

i don't think i'm a person suitable for blogging. to begin with, i'm not someone with lots of thoughts besides studies and relationships. at times when i desperately feel like blogging, i can't think of anything to write. that is why in the end my blog is more like a place for my friends to check out what's going on in my life. so i guess i can say that when i don't blog, basically nothing much interesting is happening? ahaha! i conclude that the purpose of my blog is to keep in touch with those who are interested in what's happening in my life while i'm abroad. what about u? why not find a reason to blog so i can keep in touch with you as well? or those who have blog...jot down your add so i can drop by sometime and say hi! one of the many ways to keep in touch i must say! you have a good day!

does it only happen to me?

why is it that when i accidentally bite my own tongue or lip etc. i tend to bite the same place over and over again? now not only can i not eat properly or talk properly because it hurts, i'm feeling puffy! plus i'm feeling bloated. at first i was wondering, why am i feeling bloated? not like i ate a lot or anything like that? then i realised, because of that stupid ulcer/bengkak, my salivary glands is over-producing saliva! stupid me! wanna know how i look like? imagine...puffy cheeks and bloated tummy! ahaha! how to make the pain go away?

enjoy-NYA

yesterday night went to Dracula's for the first time! not bad at all! i think it was really worth the money since the fact that we only paid half the usual price for the whole thing, a ghost train ride, three course meal, and the show. was there from 7.20pm until 11pm man! can't believed it was so long! that was the few hours that i wasn't stressing about my assignment. to my surprise, there was so many people at that place on a weekday! and almost every table had a birthday celebration. our table was our 'exotic' moham! *winkz. tonight going out with marianne for a good meal again, well i hope it's good. haven't really tried german food before. i have a feeling marianne's going struggle with the portions because my perception is that german food comes in big portion! been having lots of expensive dinner lately. like last week went to uni for the biochem student/staff dinner which cost 30 bucks. next week going for pharmaco dinner which cost 35 bucks. dracula's was 36 bucks. tonite german dinner on me. thankfully i'm working or else i wouldn't even think of spending so much! also, going to book tickets to watch cirque du soleil next year. wanna come? this is what you call enjoy, no?

uni student = stress

although it may be true that some of us stress ourselves too much over assignments and exams but isn't that the nature of what we were brought up to be? but i think this only applies to malaysian due to the way we were thought back in school. this applies fully to me! during times like this when the stress level is high, you don't have to ask me what's up or is there lots to do because it 'shows' on my face, if you know what i mean. like this lecturer today, when i asked him about my assignment, i was really worried the whole morning. i was worried how am i suppose to convey my ideas regarding the assignment to him? what if he rejects the whole idea and think it's crap? phew, thankfully he said that i was on the right track or else i think the stress level would have shot up the roof by now. i even took a day of work today because i wanted to work on researching materials for the assignment. what's more i have a test next week which i haven't touched. bleh. the thing is, he said that we students actually worry too much! hah! he's the one who's making the assignment expectation so high that a lot of us with no microbiology background is struggling to hold on. even those with good knowledge of microbiology is not quite sure of what's going on. we even made a conspiration theory that the lecturer is using us to get ideas for him to do further research in his field!

why torture yourself?

why would you want to torture yourself doing something that you don't actually want to do? why would you let someone else decide what you should do and when? why can't you have the freedom to choose and make your own decision for christ's sake? you should be having fun doing it and not think of it as an obligation. when it becomes an obligation then it doesn't mean much anymore right? just because no one is willing to step up to the play doesn't mean that you have to take every single responsibility as your own right? come on man...have your own say in the things you do...

how slow can i be?

i can be very very very slow! ahaha! what i mean by slow the amount of time i have to spend just doing my 'homework'. just the other day, i only slept at 7am trying to finish up a lab report that is due the next day. in the end, i was so tired that i skipped my 9 o'clock class just to catch a 3 hour sleep. then after that had to go for the prac class which i was feeling a lil bit dizzy due to lack of sleep. then realised we were supposed to dissect cute lil mice. kesianz...back to the topic, it's not like i started doing it very last minute or anything. i actually started doing it like on friday. don't know why took so long in the end monday morning only finish. ahaha! now u know what i mean by i can be very very very slow?

do i care?

if you think that i'm ignoring you, maybe i am. but i'm really busy this semester. finishing at 5pm plus everyday is no joke. sometimes i come back and i'm dead tired! so will end up keeping my assignments till weekend. but at least i'm trying to make something out of my life/experience in melbourne. i know i may have been ignoring you but that doesn't mean i don't care. maybe i'm just not good at expressing myself. doesn't mean that i have to contact you in order for you to drop by to say hi. maybe there are certain things about you that i don't like but not like you don't know. but hey, no one's perfect right? even those weird stuff you talking about elsewhere, i'm going to myself "what the..." whatever it is, i'm here even when i'm not writing. keep in touch.

6 weird facts about me

1. I hold pen or pencils with my thumb, index finger and middle finger! [marianne, maybe we're normal after all? or we learned from each other? hmm?] and i can also hold two pens and switch between both while writing notes.
2. I sleep with a comforter even when it's warm. Just because I like to hold on to the fluffy, comfy comforter! When it's too warm, I'll stick my foot out! haha!
3. I talk too much? That's what some people say but others, they say i look scary/fierce/lan si? Hey, I'm friendly okay? Do you think I'm scary? You don't expect me to smile for apparent reason while I'm sitting alone doing nothing right?
4. Apparently my name, if you pronounce it in a different tone, it sounds like something not-so-pleasant in cantonese. Go figure!
5. I collect lighters! By the way, I don't smoke just that last time when i was younger my dad used to bring back lighters that he got from pub or hotel overseas and it's fascinating! So if I see a nice lighter, I might bug you to give it to me! ")
6. I like bugging people. Especially when people tells you about something halfway and decides that it's better not to tell, I'll bug them until they tell me the whole thing. So you can say i don't like people to say things halfway and ask me to forget about it! Like i can forget about it? I always say, "tell me the whole thing or else you shouldn't have mentioned anything at all!"

whoa, that was hard man. imagine i had to write 10 weird facts about myself! but hey, at least it sort of makes you reflect upon yourself a little. what makes you different/unique from others.

can't think of who to tag because i don't know who actually reads my blog. tell me who you are so i can tag you! ahaha!

thanks for the wishes

as the title says it all, just wanted to thank those who wished me before, during and after my birthday! thanks for remembering and for those who noticed because of friendster, thanks as well for dropping by to send me a birthday wish. i had a great birthday this year, with the company of many of my friends having dinner in a really nice place. i hope everyone enjoyed themselves as much as i did! also to my hommies for the wonderful birthday pressie which was hidden from me during my trip to adelaide! also to my bf for searching high and low three consecutive days to fine something perfect for me. you shouldn't have, cuz i'm a person easy to shop for? or at least that's what i thought! thanks so very much! also to the one who called all the way from malaysia, the one who msn msged me because your phone was barred, the ones who sent me ecards and emails! you're such a wonderful bunch of friends to have and i'll cherish everyone of you! *muakz

on another note, i don't think i'll have much time to post things because of my very very packed schedule. for those who still don't know, i'm working part time in a research lab now! it's fun learning new things! can be scary at times as well but i have a good mentor! hope to catch up with you all sometime! lotsa love!

inspirations come and go

see what i mean? during exam periods or times when you're supposed to be doing something more important than blogging, that's when the inspirations just comes gushing to your head! but no, you don't have time to write because you're supposed to be doing something else! now that i'm so free and have nothing much to do, i just can't think of what to write. no inspiration at all! so there, that's why there's lack of posting. *blank

another sem

end of another sem. it seems like time passes really quickly when you're busy. i can see that this holidays will end really fast as well. when you think of it, 4 weeks is not really long at all. one week you'll be resting your butt off because just finished exams through the hectic times and need to recurperate from the tension and let the pimples clear away. i have so many things i need to do and without time at all it's going to be August! i better list down the things i need to do during this hols before i forget but i'll probably do that in my next post. through all those times of hardship i hope it all pays off. i really did work hard but like i always say, i can't really study things in advance because i can't remember it. i have to allocate those last few days before exam to memorize those stuff that i studied. i even had a thumping heart that caused me to lose some sleep on the night before the exam. when to exam the time a bit light headed. ahaha. plus 75 out of 100 points of third year subject would be taken into account for getting an average mark to get into honours. so if i managed to do well in this sem's paper, i don't have to be so stress next sem. since i will be having the UROP thing. and the SALP thing. must really really manage my time nicely or else i'll stress myself out for no apparent reason. plus have to plan see want to go where for holidays. i don't want to be stuck here in melbourne doing nothing productive eh. *in a holiday mood

happy daddy's day

"Behind every one of his Daugther's dream is a Father's love and encouragement."

Dad,
Your loving presence in my life helped me grow and learn,
and become the gal I am today.
Whatever I may achieve,
Whatever I become,
I know I'll owe so much of it to having a father like you
Happy Father's Day!

With lots of hugs and kisses!

i can do this

please help me get through this stage. i've worked hard and i just need to have a clear state of mind when the exam comes. now, i'm just so densed that i can't really think anymore. what i've studied over the past two weeks, i don't even know if i remember now. everything looks so strange to me. worst still, i'm feeling a little sick now. i don't know if it's the stress or the monthly sickness but i just don't feel well. my head is floating and i can't think right. but i know, this is not the time to panic. i can do this. i can do this. it's what i'm trying to convince myself to believe. much prayer needed. thanks. i'm not asking to score just that i don't panic during the exam and go blank is all that i ask for. i'm not taking a shortcut because i didn't study. i did but it's just too much and i'm all confused now. pray for me to make it through?

commotion over the wrong day

just in case you didn't know, father's day is not last weekend it's the coming one. 18th June and who came up with the dates of this things. why is mother's day on the 2nd week of May and father's day is not on the 2nd week of June? what the...and my dad had to make the commotion that i didn't wish him and i did TWICE on the phone but he so-called couldn't hear it and i was like "ah, whatever!" that's the stress talking. ehehe..i feel bad but what to do, i said it but he didn't here but how come when i talked to my mum she could hear me? then at night, when i found out that it wasn't father's day after all, i sent an sms to notify my parents. ehehe...so i guess i could make up for it this time next weekend. it's always a bad timing because father's day is during exam periods plus aussie has a different date so there's no cards available. bah! exams in another two days! can't wait because i'm sick of studying. 66 lecture materials in my small lil brain it's going to explode! and sales everywhere! i wanna go! not like my hommie like that...my goodness, the amount of things she bought, can wear for half a month with changing everyday and still have things to wear! i just like seeing, but will only buy if i really like it. so have to wait..wait till exams finish. hectic times starting soon!

things i hate about exam periods

* volcano erruptions!
* backaches!
* panda eyes!
* feeling fat from eating sweets to keep awake!
* feeling fat from drinking at least two cuppa coffee a day!
* feeling lethargic!
* counting the days till exam!
* worrying that i'm running out of time!
* frustrated over how much i need to study!
* worst still like as if i can't remember what i just read!
* how i hate exams!
* it just give me the blues...

picture says a thousand words

while most of the time we say that but i don't think it's always true. you know how people always judge others based on their appearance? especially first impressions. psychologists actually conduct studies about this kind of thing and it's somehow through that first impression is very important if you were to meet people for the first time. say if u went for a job interview or something, obviously you would have to look confident and reliable before they would actually consider you for the job right? in that case, it's kind of true. but say if you met a friend online. you've never met each other before but somehow you clicked right away! i think that's sort of the thing we seek for in a true friendship. something based on your inner beauty and qualities not just appearance wise. that's why i don't think it's necessary to put up pics of yourself intentionally so that others can judge you based on your appearance. what's worst is that some people actually go through the effort to alter and make themselves picture perfect through the blessings of technology but why? wouldn't it be a turn off then for those who liked you for how you look and when they see you in person, it's a lil different? so always be yourself whatever the circumstances is. if you don't look nice, then just don't put it up. well unless it's on friendster or something then it's different scenario. say if u were scrolling along the pages on friendsters and u happened to bump into a familiar name, then you wouldn't be able to visualise or even convince yourself that you know him/her once upon a time ago if there's no pictures. so in that case, it would matter to at least have one picture of you for identification purposes. well, it's that what friendster's all about? to keep in contact with old/lost/new friends? *grinz

woo hoo!

yeapz! finally got reply on my UROP thingy already! end of anticipation! i got in i got in! but still have to wait for everything to be finalised,when i'm allocated a supervisor for a project then it's time to truly celebrate. but i guess can celebrate early because it's not an easy task to come to this stage. so just have to wait till after exam and then meeting meeting, discuss discuss and if everything goes well, get an official offer letter! then i'll be employed while doing something that is helpful for my studies as well! wow, talk about "hitting two birds with one stone". now, must stop burning candle and start burning midnight oil! study, must study. resist temptations...tv...computer...comfy bed...NoOo!! zZzzz...

turn left turn right

that's the name of the chinese show i just watched on tv. you know how sappy love stories chinese movie always portray? you know how it's always like the no fate kind of thing where one person is just across the street and you don't noticed it? yea, typical agenda but when i was watching the movie, i actually got a lil emo for them! the WHOLE show was they're just meters apart but yet they never met. then one time, fate brought them together, they talked and had a great time and found out that when they were little, they actually had a crush on each other. love at first sight kind of thing. then they were both shy but the gal finally asked for the guys number but being the forgetful and careless her, she left her bag with his phone number inside! so they were laughing about that matter 13 years down the road. the this time, they exchanged numbers but it was raining, so you know what happened rite? both their numbers were smeared! from then on, again, they were so near yet they never met. the worst thing is that, they literally live next to each other. different apartment unit but sharing the same wall!! so obviously the show had like sad and sappy music, maybe that's why make people emo. towards the end, when they were both planning to move to somewhere else, they managed to hear each other's voice on their voice machine. thanks to a prank by their admirer who were jealous of them. somehow, finally the guy decided to try reading that smeared numbers one more time [suddenly earthquake! so drama!], got through then phone line got cut. but guess what, the wall between their apartments fell apart! and there, they finally managed to meet one another! is this what you call destiny?

anticipation

been anticipating for the reply regarding the status of my application for UROP. i was thinking so much about if i get it what i'm going to do, and how i might have an opportunity to do my honours with the institution i'm going to work for, etc etc that i think i might have jinxed the thing. still waiting though because they say they'll tell the results by the end of this week and so fast, it's already thursday! been checking my email like 3 times a day and still waiting...how i hate waiting. *bleh

creative improvisation

*broken slipper + huge stapler = one fixed and fully functional slipper!

things i encountered on my way home

* a purple christmas ornament hanging on a tree
* a shower cap used as a protector for a bike seat
* dry leaves and balding trees
* two men jogging in tights
* a pink sofa with white floral pattern
* chalk writings on the walkway
* a pink slip in the mailbox
* jammed lift that didn't want to open up
* a bright and sunny day

search in vain

searching...waiting...looking...
but it's not there...
so u wait...hope...search again...
in the end...why bother...
it shouldn't matter...
whether it can be found...
cuz what matters is what's in front of u.

memorable songs

just have the urge to blog at times like this when i'm supposed to be busy. just trying to find something to do so that i don't have to think about studies i guess. anyways, you know how is it like when you actually listened to songs that bring you back to the times when you were younger, in primary and high school particularly. yeah, that's how i feel sometimes. some songs just relates to a particular incident. like how i remember when i was in primary school, belinda, sharyl, foong mun and i were rehearsing for some performance in music class and sharyl was supposed to be playing the electone but i ended up playing it and we even practiced the moves for it and everything so many times. normally it's in my house since we all practically stay prolly rows apart? then there was this one time we went to jamie's house to practice on her karaoke set! there's this other time in form 3, praveen had a birthday party or something and jimmy bought a casette by joey macintyre for him but he actually borrowed it to me so i could listen to it before we gave to the birthday boy *oopsie. then i remembered that we ate KFC at his party and how his mom could speak hokkien and how we actually had a dancing session towards the end of the party and i recalled dancing with jason *aww and darren *mind you he was sweaty! but what to do he was my pet bro i think? and how in form 4 i really liked listening to westlife but those songs just makes me want to cry knowing what it was associated to. then there was this one song that goes "i'm a big big gal, in a big big world, it's not a big big thing if you leave me, but i do do feel that i do do will miss you much..." something like that i guess, but i used to like that song for no apparent reason. anyways, i guess i just wanted to say that some songs makes me think back about the ups and downs in my schooling days. *thinking of this song that i used to like in form 5 and i used to sing it but just can't recall it now, one of those lovey song that all gals know one. *ponderz

you are my sunshine,

my only sunshine,

you make me happy,

when skies are grey,

you never know dear,

how much i love you,

so please don't take...

my sunshine away.

wat's to make of this sem

end of another semester. what is there to say. seems like becoming used to this hectic life already and yet still can find so much time to sleep and online and watch tv. not only did i got into SALP, now i'm hoping that i get the UROP as well. if i get that, then i'll definitely have to manage my time nicely the next sem. ahaha...cannot so slack anymore. but every sem also say must not slack but somehow still the same? but at least i can say that unofficially, one subject should be ok to revise because we actually had two mid-sem tests that covered every single lecture in the course. so left two more subject to study. noticed how i'm not using the word revise? because these two subjects i never touched at all since the start of the sem, except for probably two or three lectures? yea, and how for pharmacology the lecturer actually said if u hope to score, you should at least read the textbook! that really puts on the pressure man! nvm nvm...i can do it, i can do it [i hope]. third year is really an important year for me. apparently what one score for the first two years doesn't account for anything. to get into honours, need to get good marks for 6 out of 8 third year science subjects. such pressure, hopefully i can take it standing and not falling. so much to think about now that i'm in my third year/ final year. trying to make the most out of my remaining time in uni. doing things that would allow me to gain experience and add flowers to my resume as well. ^disorientated thoughts

all in all

all in all, today was a good day! woke up early because had my UROP interview at 9.30 am. i was so worried that i was going to be late because my hommie was hogging the toilet and i walked as fast as i could with the occasional running and managed to reach there with 5 mins to spare. apparently i was the 1st person to be interviewed today. well, i think it went alright but i definitely would say that i could done better? but it's always like that i guess, when you're nervous and everything, you can't actually think very well right? unless like you're this person who talks and thinks at the same time? whatever it is, today is officially my last day of class for the semester. but i'm suppose to be handing up an assignment tomorrow which i couldn't be bothered doing it now because my eyes bengkak. even so, i spent the whole night watching tv! ahaha! so i'll probably head to bed soon and wake up early tomorrow to finish it. i can see the parts of my eye that's supposed to be white, it's red! painful...

enjoy oh!

ah...it always feels like as if everything is done and finish with after handing up an assignment. the last assignment handed up was on friday. this is the first time i came so close to the dateline of the assignment but what to do, only started doing it on thursday. was doing it so last minute that i didn't have time to eat lunch and managed to hand it up at 3pm whilst it was supposed to be due at 4pm. u would be surprised at how many people were actually finishing the assignment at that kind of time in the library! anyways, definitely have to thank my lab partner, yen, for the photostat/printing card! that's for trying to help people you see, on thursday night, i was busy explaining stuff to both my lab partners regarding the questions and in the end i only managed to work on my own report like after 12 midnight? but no complains, i'm glad that they managed to understand it eventually! so friday night, i went out for dinner. yumz! then on saturday, i went out for lunch with marianne at this shanghai restaurant. i think it's quite nice and not too expensive considering the portion but we could have definitely shared one instead of ordering two! thanks to the waitress who said "enough for one". then at night went out for dinner again because frances wanted someone to accompany her out for dinner and since she insisted and being the 'good' housemate i am, i ate out again! whoa, that's like heavy meals for me yesterday. ate at kimchi grandma for dinner, another place with ok price but huge portion! if i were to eat like how i ate yesterday, everyday, i'll definitely be fat! ahaha! came back, watched dvd and didn't do anything related to studies at all! ahaha, then today woke up at noon, watched tv and loads of stuff and now feeling sleepy. ah, think i'm going to go nap for a while before getting anything done later. nitez!

taking a further step

i managed to go one step further this time around. what am i talking about? remember last year i said i applied for an undergraduate research opportunity program (UROP) thingy? yeah, and i didn't get it? this time, i managed to get through the first round and just today, i found out i qualified for the next round. the interview round! so eventough i was selected for the interview, doesn't mean i will offered a place. now my dilemma is how am i suppose to be prepared for an interview involving me in front of the program coordinator and two scientist! whoa, what kind of questions they going to ask me man. hopefully next week i'll be able to talk to someone who went through the interview to see what's it all about so i know how to prepare myself. but as of now, i have to finish my lab report due tomorrow. chaoz!

happy mummy's day

just wanted to wish all the great mums out there a very happy mummy's day! without you, i would not grow up to be who i am today. without you, i would not have a friend whom i can talk to about anything especially gossiping about dad. without you, i would not have an 'older sister' wherever i go. without you, i would not be allowed to go out late at night. without you, i would just be another ordinary gal subjected to strict upbringings just because i was born a gal. so thanks mum, for sticking up for me when the need arises, for being understanding, for accepting me the way i am, and just for being a wonderful mum to me all these years! but the role a mum plays do not stop once the child is 21 or assumingly all grown up, it goes way beyond that and i'll always be your daughter who's grateful for everything she has in life (thanks to dad as well but save that dedication for next month). there's so much more i could learn from you as i'm growing up, learning to be an adult, and maybe in the future a mum-in-training myself and i could just see us getting closer with time. mum, you're the best!

at times like this

at this like this, when i have to study but i don't want to, when i'm too tired cramping materials into my small little brain, when my eyes just don't want to keep open, when my body is telling me i need to rest, it's when i like to play some cute little games with cute little cartoon characters and cute little theme song. orisinal by ferry halim

not so dreadful after all

did i mention that i was supposed to be really really busy this week because i have a test next tuesday and a report due next monday? yea, so i was so worked up thinking about how am i going to cramp so many things into one week! but now, it's not that bad anymore. because the report that i'm supposed to write is due the following friday. so i will have time to do my report after i finish my test! now that i only need to concentrate on studying for my test which i can only start when i come back from class today, which i won't because i'll be too tired from only sleeping 4 hours yesterday and 4 hours tonight, i think i'll manage it. so yea, have to manage my time nicely so i can get everything done on time. maybe God answered my prayer and made my week a better week to look forward to? *ponderz

on another note, camp was great! got to know a lot of people from all sorts of courses and hopefully the next time i see them around, i would remember their names! though it was not such a hectic camp, i still slept like a pig on the night i came back. apparently the outdoor challenges thingy is in the next camp in sem 2. so yea, this time was more of getting to know fellow SALPers, more about the people in my group, getting involved as a team, etc. it was fun! i think it's because everyone was so open to the experience that made it a nice day away from uni and studies. and i didn't come back with backache or leg pain or anything, just dead tired that's all! looking forward to the other one...

now, i have to go to sleep because my eyes are too tired already. have to wake up early to finish up the remainder of my report that i'm suppose to finish before today's prac. nite nitez everyone!

if only

if only i was a little bit taller or a little bit bigger, then shopping in Melbourne would bring great pleasure! but i've reached the age that i don't think i could grow taller nor could i grow bigger...the only way i could grow is grow fatter but that wouldn't help at all, it would just make things harder. if only i was a little bit taller then i would be able to buy the trekkies i needed for camp tomoro and i who thought "yeah! they even have it in 3XS!", put it against my waist and shoot, it's WAY TOO LO..ONG! the following two shops, none! last stop, went in "yeah! got so many to choose from! sure got one kua..." looked and looked, 12, 14, 16, 18, HAH! 20 also got! what the...looked harder...smallest is 8? no colour i like some more...=( tried it on, err...obviously it's a little bit big but bearable. "buy only la". there! my shopping experience for just a simple thing, i don't ask for much and i try not to be picky [i don't have much choices anyways], if only i was two inch taller or had a bigger frame. sales would be great! shopping would be fun! not just mere disappointment most of the time. it doesn't help that i'm fussy in the things i buy, value for money, if expensive also i must really really like it, obviously better if got cheap stuff!

neways, all this commotion because i'll be off to camp for one day! i didn't think it was appropriate for me to wear my pyjamy pants for outdoor activities but guess i might have to if the one i bought got dirty. i don't even know where i'm headed to, the only thing i heard was that it's really cold there. hopefully i don't freeze to death and actually enjoy being in the company of strangers! oh, it's for this program that i got into. SALP. go figure.

the flu bug

i think the flu bug is trying to get to me! i mean this would explain why i'm feeling more vulnerable than normal. feeling dizzy and light headed on and off. it must be my army of immune cells trying to fight that nasty nasty flu bug! hopefully they're winning! you know, it's like it's so obvious that the flu season is here because even when i went back to uni the first day after my break, the first thing i noticed was quite a number of people sniffing, coughing, and clearing their throats. even in just two hours of class, i met like 3 friends who were sick! this was not including my hommie and marianne. neways, i'm trying to be a good gal. eating my vitamins and all ['cause normally i would take it whenever i felt like it. i know there's no point in it but i'm just too lazy]. i think if i caught the flu, i wouldn't recover for quite some time, as you know, i'm quite a weakling, especially when it comes to having flu. in one ad on tv few weeks ago, they warned aussie about the flu season approaching, reminding them to get their vaccine before the flu bug came. i was just wondering if they actually get free vaccination? all i know is that we, international students, don't get such thing free. by the way, is royal melbourne hospital government-funded? well, if it is then it explains why it's only for victorians. i wonder...

the next big thing

I reckoned this will be the next big thing that everyone's gonna sent to their friends. But too bad there's only very limited selection right now. But boy does it make you feel great upon receiving it. The music, so grand! The words, if it was sent by someone who want you to know something, or what they think of you, it's definitely meaningful. Hopefully they come up with more and we don't start receiving the same thing over and over again! What i'm talking about? Visit www.aninote.com

it's me!

Hello hello! It hasn't been that long right? I mean from the time i decided i shouldn't blog until now? Probably 3 months? Anyways, hopefully no harm done from this point onwards. Just handed up a major load of assignment today, the one i've been working on since last week's holiday. I couldn't really be bothered in the end because too bored doing it already, reading it over and over again, in the end didn't really bother checking if everything was there. Hopefully it is! The piggy me slept the whole afternoon because not enough sleep the night before. But now, i can see all the other things creeping up soon! Oral presentation, test, test and more test! Then finals is like in slightly more than a month to go! So fast another semester going to end. Can't believe how fast time passes nowadays. Even just siting there, taking a rest from doing work, in a blink of an eye, half an hour gone! Or switch on the tv, got hooked to a really stupid show the other night, called Cavemen, they weren't even talking English. Cavemen ma, can't speak English yet, but the funny thing was, the only guy who spoke English in the show was chinese guy! The rest of them were talking gibberish. Even caught a term from that show.."bobo" means friend! Ahaha!

Quote of the day from my mum "Ha, you better don't be so lazy ar, don't forget you want to get into Phd one ar"

Yes mum, but the laziness is in my gene...can't help it oh!

just curious

Just out of curiosity, does anyone still drop by this blog site? I missed blogging. Now i have nothing to do online. Just dropped by to say "Hi!" to anyone who's still hoping i blog one day!

announcement

my apologies to my humble readers but i've decided to stop blogging for a while...hopefully. we'll see how things go and maybe, some time in the future, i might blog again? with all that said, hope you all have other more interesting thing to do than read my boring little blog? have a nice day, everyday!

i knew it

just checked my results. i was too eager to wait till tomorrow to know how miserable i did. as predicted i didn't do well for the subject i mentioned before. though i already knew but i still hoped that i could at least do a little better. even after moderation it's so low. i must have been really blank for the test. i'm glad i didn't choose that as my major. the worst part of it all is that i studied hard for it, too hard that i went blank and panicked during the exam. too little time for my not-enough-sleep-and-tired brain to process the information or probably i might not even have answered the question correctly. now, i truly believe that what i feel after a paper can be quite right but still. sigh, whatever it is it can't be changed. the only thing i can say to a friend is i told ya so! ~nitez

home, safe and sound

hello hello! i came back yesterday night and today is my first day back in msia and guess what i ate for dinner? seafood in klang! if everyday eat like that fat for sure! anyways, the flight was one of the worst flights i ever sat. firstly, i thought we were early to the airport, isn't two and a half hours considered early? and yet, the three of us couldn't get seats together. thankfully we managed to change it on the flight or else i'll be super bored on the plane. so yea, i've reached home safe and sound but i'll be heading back to hometown for the next three days. my sensitive nose from when i was back in aussie followed me back to msia! sickening isn't it? can't do much about it. can only blame myself for not going to a doctor or buying the medicine because i thought it was expensive so i have to suffer the consequences. cya around! be back soon!

learning to live

finally done with the last paper for the sem. comment? this time i really think i won't be able to score for the paper. normally i would be like if i can get the border line mark then moderation will bring it up. but this time, i don't think that would happen. everyone around me seemed to be having an easy time answering the paper and why did i seemed to ran out of time. i was so tired from studying last night with just four hours of sleep but i was still okay during the exam. when i was running out of time, i got panicked, i almost blanked out, i couldn't think but thankfully it came back a little, not all but a little. you know how we normally can't remember every single point for the particular question, i think i would be more than lucky to have answered 50% of what the question wanted. now that it's after the paper, i don't even have the confidence to tell myself i did alright because it sucked. some questions i was too hurried to do it, i just drew a diagram for it. now that H1 is no longer i my grip, please pray for me that i get H2. thank you!

after the paper was so depressed but since it was the last paper for the sem, decided to go out 'jalan-jalan' in the city. nothing much to do actually because it was already 4.30pm and shops in city closes at 6 something. dropped by the new DIESEL shop in Melbourne Central, it was big but not as cool as it looked on tv. on tv it looked like a store concepted to look like a club! anyways, went walking aimlessly to release frustration, sat down for a drink which i called for mango pudding with pearls but it came with milk tea as well. ~weird. then went for dinner and walked home, walked home with the scare that someone might rob us because recently there has been a lot of cases of 'robbery' near the place i stay. what's more there we only two of us walking home tonight, two gals with a shopping bag who looked like potential targets. all said, i'm safe at home now. no point feeling disappointed over something that's over so now i'll be trying to spend my remaining one week in Melbourne where there's going to be a lot of shopping to be done! ~yeahz!

quotes

i've read some funny advertisement in the newspaper the past days due to the qualifying soccer match Australia vs. Uruguay. here's are some version of the quotes;

# free acting lessons in Telstra dome - referring to the fact that the soccer players always like to exaggerate that they were seriously injured by the opponent when there were just mere physical contacts

# Australia Socceroos vs Uruguay 'diving team' - at first i didn't know what that meant but eugene explained to me that 'diving' is a term referring to the action of the player trying to fake that they were injured even when there was not much contact by the opponent or sometimes they just run towards the opponent trying to 'cheat' the referee into believing it was the opponent's fault.

a line taken from the Hindi movie with so-called famous Indian actress that i spent three hours watching and not having an ending that i had anticipate;

"true love is about sacrifices"

my blog should be purple?

ah, i like purple too! but i'm just too stupid to change the code for myself and i like simplicity so white will do just fine for me thanks!

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

malaysian students mentality

we've been growing up with this mentality since as long as i can remember. it's not like the government didn't try to incorporate co-curricular activities into the education system, just that it wasn't really successful. you know how we were 'forced' to join like at least three clubs or something during high school, we would try to choose clubs that are not so active so that we don't have to get too involved or some would choose clubs that no one joins so that they can hold a position in the club and gain more credits. one club which was totally manipulated by those 'genius' is the bomba club! i remembered that so many of my classmates and friends joined that club and basically 'sapu' all the positions available. not only did they not have meetings but they earn all those additional points. unlike me, i was so-called editor for the interact club and i enjoyed fulfilling my responsibilities but because there's no such position in the outline, i only gained the same amount of points as any other ordinary member. besides that, in form 3, a number of us joined the chess club just to gain attendance mark. we would go there and instead of playing chess, played dam for less than half an hour and tell the teacher in charge that we had to open the 'koperasi' and she would sign our cards to show that we were present even for a while. in the matter of academic, the teachers always tell us that we would not be successful, get the job we want if we don't do well in high school. if you don't do well in high school then you won't be able to get into tertiary institutions. we've been drilled to score well since we were young, so if they suddenly tell us that we need to be active in other activities and good results just isn't enough, what they expect us to do? rewind time and go back to school and try to be more active in sports? actually, being active in co-curricular activities in school is just the beginning. even in uni, there's still a lot of chance to improve upon your leadership, communication skills etc. unfortunately, many people join clubs in uni because of the discounts they offer by just becoming a member. sometimes they even have to drag strangers to go to their meeting because it is the requirement to have at least 50 people in a club meeting. even now, i still think that it is important to get good results, you don't see someone who doesn't have excellent scores but active getting into the deans list, do you? also, when you go for a job interview, you would first be considered for the job based on your academic performance. then the added advantage that put you above other applicants would be that you have exceptionally impressive people and communication skills. however, as for me, no matter what i do, i'll still be working for JPA with the same pathetic low pay no matter i have good results or good social skills. that is unless they ran out of job and i have to look for my own job then i'm dead! there's not much potential for biotechnology in Malaysia, well at least that's how it looks like for now. it's not like the biotechnology sector will boom overnight right? study hard or play hard? ~ponderz

eww...gross!

what kind of time is this in melbourne? there so many insects everywhere!! where did they come from? my goodness, i'm surprised at how many there is in my room!! just shoo-ed a moth out of my room. hmm...i wonder, what are those insects attracted too? could it be they are attracted to light, like the ones back home? but the problem is i'm hardly in my room, what more turning on the light. ah, maybe they like dark dark place instead? whatever it is, as long as they don't poo everywhere in my room can already. ~ponderz

distractions

although so far i've been complaining that i'm too slow in my studying, thankfully it's still within the time frame that i allow myself to laze. i know it's kind of little to just do 7 lectures a day but somehow i still only managed to reach the target and not do more than that. i always find reasons for myself not to study. i know i still have quite some time left, since i have 5 days each for the last two papers. that's is also why i haven't touch those two subjects because i think 5 days is enough? i hope so, because i've been so lazy that i wouldn't be able to touch that two subjects now even if i want to. what's worst, i can't seem to remember the things that i read! the only thing i can do now is go through everything and hopefully try to recall as much as i can the day before the exams. i don't know why but i'm worried about my biotech paper. apparently, if i crap in the question, i might get penalized for that because the way the lecturer marks is upside down from other people. he sees where you've missed out or stated incorrectly and minus one mark for every mistake. you know how we're used to crapping all we want then they'll give you marks for the points you've identified correctly? well, this is like the total opposite! anyways, hopefully if i just get the borderline mark for all the questions i'll still be able to get good results? kind of eagerly waiting for the lecturer to return our assignment so that if i do well i don't have to stress so much, but if i don't then die!! haven't been going to the library the past few days, too lazy, too sleepy, not in the mood to study. even if i reach the library, i'll feel sleepy! but hanging around at home is not good either, too many distractions. i can't concentrate with my bed just beside me, my eyes feels blurry [i think my vision worsen again], tv on the whole night and snacks, i need snacks!

on another matter, while i was onlining just now, wasting time as usual, i read upon a funny news in The Star. it said that people in singapore are putting the criteria that they don't want maids with mole! isn't that bizarre! their excuse is that maids with mole have a greater tendency to do something bad to their employer i.e. kill them? what's kind of nonsense is that? so if i can't get a job when i graduate i can't be a maid either? ahaha!! i've heard many versions of people with mole has a big appetite, are talkative etc etc but nothing related to murder. i don't believe i have a greater tendency to kill as the rest of you except if you're talking about creepy flying crockroaches! ~yikez

wasting time

it's 9.14 am and i was woke up from bed because my eye is still bengkak...yes, only one side. last night it was so irritated i could barely open my eyes so i couldn't do any studying and had to lay there with my eyes close. today, it's a little bit better but still quite irritated and more bengkak then yesterday. look like as if i cried whole night but it's kind of true because each time i opened my eye it teared. now that i'm awake it stopped tearing but it's getting irritated again. what a waste of time and i thought it was just a normal irritation because sometimes when you rub your eyes too much [which i didn't] or when dust goes in, it becomes red but after a while [a night sleep is quite long actually] it gets well! but when i woke up, it was bengkak! so now have to go see doctor but the only doctor appointment available is at 3 pm. what am i suppose to do from now to then? close eyes and lay there being useless again? close also painful open also painful, how now!? what's more, i seriously think i might be getting down with a flu.

*fight those nasty germs, antibodies! and i hope you win the battle!! fight fight!

'fever' or flu?

the exam 'fever' in beginning to affect me. i don't understand why because it's not like i've been studying for several hours a day also. today my eye sight is extremely bad and my eyes feel really dry that it hurts a little. two to three days of walking under the showers and one evening of sitting in the dusty, pollen-ey wind made me a little sick. my nose feels a little stuffy at times but other times it's ok. i keep telling myself exam is a long way to go. either it's because of that that i'm studying so slow or the fact that i can't really remember what i read that is making me not motivated to study so fast. anyways, i just hope this early reading-through-all-the-lectures-that-i've-missed-out routine would come in handy when i actually start memorizing later. it's better to have in your head that, 'yes, i know it's in my lecture somewhere' rather than 'did we really study that?', right? i don't think i've slept so much for a very long time. the thought that i need to study makes me feel sleepy, plus blurry and itchy eyes and stuffed up nose...good symptoms to sleep more huh? but i've already slept for like 10 hours last night! study fay lin study! ~ish

good things do come my way

once in a while, good things do come my way. i was so worked up thinking of what other subjects i could enrol for next year if i didn't get into the one i initial planned. it was my mistake actually, to not look carefully at the prerequisites but i do admit it was quite confusing. in the end i had to ask the subject coordinator what it actually meant in the handbook. then i had to correspond with him through email for two days because everytime either he answers too vague or i just forgot the thing i'm suppose to attach to the email. all in all, i'm quite sure the coordinator is one fine guy. at least he replies my email fast! not like the case of my hommie, she wants to enrol in so many subjects that she doesn't have the prerequisite for but she's unlucky enough to bump into a mean coordinator. what's more that coordinator is the lecturer that many of us dislike because he is not much of a help in lab sessions. so obviously, she got turned down and she doesn't know what she wants to take now. as for me, after all the hassle, it's an approval!! the coordinator said that eventhough i didn't take a prerequisite subject, but he would be 'very happy' to enrol me in thanks to my results. proves the point that i'm not that stupid after all? yea...so now i don't need to worry i can't get into subjects that i want. but wait, now have to check if got timetable clash...darn!

are you really 'away'?

i've noticed for some time that whenever i on my msn, at least 9 out of 10 of the people who are online has the status of 'away' or 'busy'. i really think that people have really misused the status thing, especially saying that you are away but you're actually there. if you are there and you don't want people to disturb you, just be offline or something. yea, msn is not like icq where you can choose to be invisible to certain and visible to others. but the point of having msn is so that friends can keep in touch with you right? hmm...does it mean if you put your status as away, it means that friends can msg you whenever they want and you'll somehow receive it some other time of the day? or you just simply don't want people to msg you at all? mine would be the former but at least when i say i'm away, i'm not anywhere near the computer! or you could be like me, when you msg someone who is 'away' just ask if there are actually there or not!?

another excerpt from the past

everywhere i look, there are always things that reminds me of you. is it selfish of me to keep it or perhaps i should return everything to you? but a gift will always be a gift right? i should keep and cherish it right? are you doing the same, i doubt it though? but sometimes, when i look at them, it reminds me of you. is it wrong for me to think about our 'relationship'? what am i to you now, i truly wonder? do you hate me, does she hate me? what did you actually tell the rest of the world? is it really my fault that we're no longer close? but for everything to work out, it takes two. sometimes i think if i made a mistake, humans are so vulnerable and they are too quick to make a decision. at other times, i think it's for the best, for you and perhaps for me. but i am never sure, i've never been sure with any decision that i make. i may think that it's for the best but you may think otherwise. are you too good to deserve a friend like me? you were perfect, too perfect of a person that i was afraid to accept that fact, i don't deserve it, i really don't. i'm happy for you, happy that you are where you are now. i was too much of a burden, you were just too nice, to tolerate my behaviour. and no, i wasn't using you, as least i didn't intend to. i hope you didn't think that our friendship was just a way for me to get what i want, it wasn't. was it destined that our path crossed, i truly hope that's true? if that's the case then there must be a reason for things to happen the way it is. why am i so curious about what's happening in your life? do i even have the rights to know? my dearest friend...you're truly cherished.

reasons why people think i'm cute

actually, i don't think i need to list it down because there's only few obvious reasons why people think i'm cute. first it's because i'm short! how often do you hear someone refer to a tall person as cute? tall people are normally handsome or pretty, not cute. then another factor is that i have a 'big' head! ahaha!! don't you think my head is big in proportion to my body? yea, that's what eugene came up with. evil huh!? so with my 'huge' head, short body, and childish act, people think of me as a cartoon character. you know, cartoon characters are cute for the similar reason i think? maybe i'm sort of like a whale too, big head but small brain! funny trying to imagine me as a whale huh? but anyways, i'm sure some people might think that i'm ugly or simply short! but who cares, i can't grow anymore and no, i don't mix with short people so i look tall! i have too many tall friends actually! they make me look shorter! ~ciz

do i imitate?

do i imitate the way people write on their blog? do i imitate their layout because it's just too nice? yea,i admit i do tend to imitate a little, just a little. more on mimicking their layout than the way they write. i don't learn codes and i don't think i'll ever master it but at least i'm learning by trying to alter a code i obtain to my liking! yea, trial and error until finally get something right. don't have that much time to learn how to write my own code actually. then when come holidays, i don't even write entries, what more learn codes right? i'm not a good writer either, so no matter if i try to write like other bloggers, i won't be able to write something as insightful as theirs. sometimes, i even have to open office words to check if i spelt things correctly. just self-concious i guess? but at other times, i couldn't be bothered at all. ok, the birthday wish kind of thing, definitely copy from marianne one! but then how can i not let the whole world know that it's a day worth celebrating for someone special? yea, not purposely copy one ya? i wish i could write something more informative, or opinionated but i have to accept the fact that i'm not a person with big words. as we say in bm, 'bahasa yang berbunga-bunga'! i've always believe that i don't have to write with words that i don't know, as long as i write simple but understandable english, i'll be able to pass my test. yea, even if i write academic essay now, even small kids can understand!! so i conclude that i'm not as good as others in all this sort of things so there's no way i'm actually imitating them! =)

a note for someone special

to that someone special, i would like to wish you a very happy birthday and may your birthday be a memorable one. you've reach 'adulthood' like many of us but that doesn't mean you are mature at all? ahaha!! also, may your birthday be filled lots of sweet delights [cakes that are meant to be eaten not thrown on your face]! hopefully by the time i come back, you'll still be 'visible' to me!! take care!

*addition* congratulations on your very happy news! what a way to start off this wonderful, glorious day!!

disappointment

as the title said, i'm a little disappointed today. there was one program that i applied to and was hoping to be selected but the news came today and said that i was not selected for this round. actually i was already thinking what i should be doing if i got selected since i've booked my plane ticket and i wouldn't be going back if i got the part. but there! dilemma solved! not in a good way though, i wonder what is it in me that they didn't find outstanding? is my results not good enough? or my essay sucked big time? even if it did, it was what i felt but apparently things didn't seem to catch their attention. my resume not impressive enough? too many candidates that are far more outstanding than me? i wish they would tell me why but obviously there's no way they are going to do that. so i guess, the only good news here is that i'll be back in Malaysia sooner than expected? yea, i'll just have to spend my time lazing around for the rest of summer like any other person instead of using it productively in helping other people in their research and gaining insightful experience for myself. now, i think i should be informing my lecturer who was so kind to be my referee, didn't want to disappoint her either, she was so positive and everything, but i guess it's my responsibility to at least inform her of the outcome. in any case, i can try again next year but i'm not going to put too high hopes in it. the only thing i can do is write a better, more impressive essay and i have the whole holidays to do that!

about BGR

is it always true that bf/gf and ex-s do not get along? is there something like a jealousy thing going on ? you know how friendster has this thing where you can see who's been looking up your profile? i was quite surprise who's been sneaking around! yea, but don't want to mention names here. sometimes when i think about it, i believe i have the answer to the question and here is my opinion. if the ex-s of your partner is your friend as well, then yes you'll still get along eventhough there may be some weird signals/feelings. but if the ex-s is that you do not know, then you'll be more curious to find out more about that person? just like you want to know how were they like as a couple or how are you like compared to the other. why are you trying to compare your life with another if things are already history? are you trying to make yourself feel better if you find out that you lead a better life than your ex? is that why you keep on asking questions about their life, every aspect of it? and why should he/she share their present life with you, a person from the past? it's not like things is the same anymore, you are not as important to he/she anymore, so why bother interfering in other people's life? the only thing you should be doing is hoping that your ex doesn't talk bad about you to his/her gf/bf or else you'll just get someone else who hates you for treating their partner like crap in the past. ah crappy!!

towards the end of semester

it is only two more weeks towards the end of semester and the exam season. so fast...time flies when you are busy catching up with life or work or anything at all. finally done with all the major assignments for this semester and time to get down to business. every sem, i complain that i do not have enough time to study, i need more time but sem after sem i seemed to do fine in the end. even so, each sem is getting harder so logically i should put in more effort in studies but i seemed to have developed a pretty bad habit. watching tv way too much for my own benefit. but hey, watching tv is like the reason for me to take time off from studying, not like i have been doing much study to begin with. even in my head now is what movie should i go watch on monday or tuesday when the movie tickets are cheap! ahaha!! also, just because i handed up my major project last friday, i have reason to laze till today! will try not to laze for so long though, time to catch up on studies...i think!?

easier to lie or tell the truth

is it fair to say that everyone fibs every once in a while, whether its a white lie or something more serious. do you think there's a necessity to tell lies? i, for one, thought that telling the truth is always the best, eventhough it may be something hurtful to the other but if one tells the truth, everything would work out better in the end rather than telling a lie because you don't one to hurt the other or jsut because you think it's better for everyone that the truth remains unheard. sometimes, i really don't know which is better. i was someone who believed in honestly all the way, but now i'm not too sure. sometimes, it really helps to tell a small lie, to avoid complications and all. my parents once told me that i should not be too honest in the way i communicate with others. they said that i would make more enemies if i were to talk about everything under the sky to anyone. but i guess here it means that i have to be more tactful when i talk to someone? i guess some things that is not important should just be left out of the conversation, things like, "yerr, how come your hair like that one?", "eww, you stink! you must have not taken your bath for days?", things like that, just a matter of expression. some people might take it hard, like as if you really mean it but i guess these kind of things doesn't hurt if not said in the first place. in a more serious note, you know how people should be honest all the way when they are in a relationship? here i mean friendship and any other sort of relationship as well. can one truly truly do that? "there's no secret between you and me" though it may work, but it would not last. even if you may be the most honest person in the world, others may still doubt your intentions. though some may think that telling a lie is easier than saying the truth but it's not always the case. although you may be lying for the benefit of others, as for me, i don't think i can completely past my own conscience and in the end i'll blabble out the truth. isn't that worst? to lie first and tell the truth later? this is how people loose trust in one another. when you think about it, if one can lie once, how can i be sure it would not happen again? that's kind of a scary thought actually. but anyhow,i guess it all depends on situation and past experience with the other, if you know that telling the truth would be devastating to the other, why not twist the fact a little, and unveal the truth bit by bit rather than just one go? if the other person is ever forgiving, then yes, it's better to tell the truth and nothing but the truth because deep inside you know that the other will forgive you no matter how bad the truth could be. but i believe no matter how forgiving the person could be, they would still hurt a lot deep down if you've done something totally unexpected although they may seem calm on the outside. such a noble being. i wish i could be like that, then i'll be able to accept the truth without feeling all down, angry, frustrated or agitated to the extend i wish i didn't know the truth. in the end, it's as hard to tell the truth as it is to tell a lie...